Well sometimes.
You see there are so many things to take into consideration and I just don't know what the "right" choice is in this situation.
We have no maternity coverage - or rather I have none. My insurance will cover certain complications and will actually cover a c-section interestingly. They won't cover prenatal care with an OB or a midwife, or the hospital bill if it's a vaginal delivery.
And on the topic of c-sections - I've had two and I really don't want to have another unless it's truly medically necessary.
What I'd like instead is to have a baby at home - in the water - with a midwife, a doula and my supportive friends and family members surrounding me (ok, maybe not that many of them...).
I've never tried to have a baby - I labored with maddie for about 6 hours and then had an elective section. Wyatt was an "emergency" repeat at a hospital that doesn't even do vbac's so I would have been out of luck there anyways.
I had a lot of complications in my pregnancies - but I wonder how many would resolve themselves under the care of a great midwife who was actually interested in me, my baby and my birth experience vs. an ob who had some of those concerns but wasn't as concerned about the way it happened. I have significantly eliminated the stresses that caused my complications with wyatt's pregnancy and don't foresee them re-entering our lives at any point.
but on another note - I'm at a point in my mothering journey where it's finally getting easy - my kids play well together on their own - I can get things done around the house (sometimes) - although it's never as tidy as I'd like and the laundry will never be caught up -ever!
I've started working with a wonderful certified nurse midwife - I'm so excited to attend my first homebirth next month it's silly! Would a baby interfere tremendously - would I still be able to attend births? How much would pregnancy and morning sickness interfere with my ability to be a good birth assistant?
But on the other hand - my older friends who are done having kids said they just "knew" when they were done. I don't "know" that. I don't have this overwhelming feeling that I'm done and my family is complete. My wise friends tell me this means that perhaps I'm not.
My husband seems to be on the fence. He says he's happy with our two children - we have one boy and one girl. However he also said he's ok if it just "happens" and we aren't "trying." That is confusing to me - the planner. We timed both of my previous pregnancies - we had to. They didn't just happen. Maybe that's what he is banking on -
So what happens now? Where do I find the answers? I still find myself disappointed slightly every month when it doesn't just happen (but that's another entirely different discussion... I know how it works.)
just thinking out loud.
