In the midst of mothering

I chose the title for my blog years ago when I was a much younger mother. I wanted to capture life for my-then-small family.

I feel like I will always be in the midst of mothering - no matter what their ages and stages, mothering will never cease to be my focus even when they are grown and have children of their own.

Working with moms and babies - seeing these young (and sometimes older than me) first time moms become second and third and sometimes fourth time moms keeps me in tune with the music of motherhood. My perspective has changed - I've altered how I parent with each child.

There's a certain amount of pressure I feel as a role model for so many mommas in my community. I've had moms tell me that I'm a super mom, that I have it all together and that they want to be like me.

While those are incredibly awesome compliments, I do my best to be transparent and let them know that I. do. not. have. it. all. together.

It is so important to me that these moms know I'm not perfect. My older kids bicker and argue. They talk back and have moments of irresponsibility. My two year old throws fits that make me want to tell people she's not my kid!

My house is cluttered.

My laundry is never caught up.

My office is a big pile of papers and there are things shoved away in corners and cabinets.

Do you ever go on a cleaning spree before someone comes by your house? I still do it sometimes - usually when someone is coming over for the first time. I want to make an impression, you know.

But then I find myself wondering why I would go to such lengths when it's not a true representation of who I am?

We aren't dirty (ok, my sink was filled both sides with dishes the past 2 days). We were busy - going to the library, out to lunch, playing in the fountains, going to counseling (big believer in that!) - visiting with friends. I got it caught up tonight.

I'm a big believer that life is lived between the lines - it's the subtext that is important - not always what you see in front of you.

I started doing a new bible study called Beautiful Mess.  It's about motherhood in every moment and I really like it. I've been looking for a study like this to share with fellow Christian mommas for a long time. I'm not so great at doing Bible studies - I suck at consistency (I'm honest about that!). But I really loved this quote from day 1 of week 1:


"I've come to realize that my self-worth is never going to come from how well I do things, like keeping the house spotless or having perfectly behaved kids. Our craving for approval can be devastating to our souls, making us feel like we're not enough for today or tomorrow. And all the while, God calls us gently to come and know how truly cherished we are. Not because we're enough, Mom, but simply because we're God's beloved daughters."

So as I ponder life in the midst of mothering - I try to remember that I am enough. 

Life goes on

Writing used to be so therapeutic for me, but for quite a time in my life it was a way to hold me prisoner and so I found myself writing more on social media - capturing the moments of life in status updates and instagram... and it served no purpose for me as a writer.

My best friend Becca and I share the same affliction - anytime we stop writing we feel obligated to back track and bring things current - but that only leads to more feelings of woe.

So life goes on - it is what happens between status updates and between meals, during meals and between the loads of laundry that get washed and dried and never folded.

Life with three kids is crazy. Some times it's a good crazy and other times it's an I want to run away crazy.

Right now it's a quiet crazy - Maris is sleeping and Maddie and Wyatt are banished to quiet somewhere NOT in my office where I'm having a few moments to myself. Waldo, the Rhodesian Ridgeback (forever more RR in my writing) is loudly drinking water, chasing cast aside and forgotten toys and making loud noises that cause me to run to the livingroom every few minutes just to check and make sure he isn't eating a glow stick (this morning), the carpet (every other 4 minutes), or figuring out how to get up on the kitchen table (hasn't figured out this one yet). He just barged in full speed, chasing a chewy beef thing I bought at the fancy pet store in town. His ears are too big for his head and he looked for a moment like he was flying.

We are full into summer now - no school, snapper season is open and Mike is fishing multiple days a week. The kids and I survived Vacation Bible School at our church (Destiny Worship Center) and I can't say that I desire to ever do another nighttime VBS. We will see where our family is at next year.

Maddie has finished third grade at Plew, Wyatt finished 1st grade at home after we withdrew him from school in April due to an issue that couldn't be overcome (or rather wouldn't). We hope to send him back to Plew for second grade with a protective plan in place for our sweet boy who suffered unnecessarily this school year. Maris is 2 - and while she is 2 on a I-am-going-to-scream-and-cry about it level - she speaks with the vocabulary and maturity of a 4-5 year old. People ask us all the time how old she is - she is so petite, but speaks clearly and with very complex sentences. You can have a 10 minute conversation with her.

Mike is busy, busy, busy. His business, Integrity, became the prime vendor for Legendary a few months ago. They handle all the service washes and details for one of the busiest boating venues in the area. In addition, they still have all their private boats. We are proud to employ close to 10 people now! We don't see daddy much and the kids really miss him. This also means that mommy gets really frazzled wrangling 3 kids and a puppy by herself.

Meet Waldo:

Waldo is 12 weeks old today and a healthy 30 pounds. He was about 18 lbs when we picked him up 4 weeks ago! He is a Rhodesian Ridgeback and we absolutely love him. He will most likely tip the scales at over 100 lbs. He is called a livernose because of his brown nose. He has an amazing temperament and personality. He is quite the lion hunter (as this is what his breed is known for). He regularly hunts our cat Pumpkin, and plays kill the lion. Pumpkin tolerates him well and lets him know when Waldo's attempts are unwelcome. He is very good with the kids and we have been working diligently on socializing him. We plan to show him starting in the Fall and also plan to pursue Therapy Dog certification and possibly Service Dog training as well. He seems to really love Maris and cuddles up next to her each night on our bed. He is also very fond of Wyatt, which is good, because Wyatt needed a buddy just about the time we got to bring him home.

So life goes on - day by day and I'm going to see if I can resurrect my writing talents and start being thoughtful and observant once again.