I've spent a lot of time pondering just what it means to be a family - in the last days and for the past several years.
Is it only those who are related by blood or marriage? Should there be lines drawn between different sides of the family? Growing up I always imagined that marriage would bring the combination of families - growing my family instead of dividing it. I imagined my future in-laws to be people who would love and embrace my own family - mother, father and siblings.
Growing up - I never had "family" other than my parents and siblings. Sure - we had grandparents and aunts and uncles and a few cousins, but they were often half a world away. We saw them only when we were back in the States or in the same state for a visit. It was always a thrill to spend time with my grandparents and other family members. It was something to look forward to.
Part of me yearned to have family close - for my children to grow up playing with cousins, aunts, uncles and their grandparents.
I consider my family incredibly blessed because to a certain extent that is true for us. My own parents live just a short drive down the road and both my sister and brother still live at home. There are no cousins, but they seem to have plenty of fun with what we have.
Mike's mom, Paula, lives in Houston - and while we'd like to see her more often than once or twice a year - we're thankful that the relationship even exists because we know how far we've come from being strangers to being family.
One thing I will never understand is the division that can crop up in families. Nothing is worse than to have hatred and bitterness within a family. How much time is lost because people are unwilling to forgive and forget - to make amends, to reconcile - to move on.
Life is often too short - ending before we ever get a chance to say we're sorry or please forgive us. When that happens the person or family member is left with nothing but regret - something that will eat away at their soul - often poisoning them for the rest of their life.
What is even more sad, though - is when differences exist and divide and apologies have been made and yet there still remains division and hard feelings on all sides. The cost of indifference is high and brutal.
We are all human beings - we all make mistakes. It's the people who say they're sorry - and those who forgive them for their transgressions - that will go on to live happier lives.
But what about family? Are we not all part of a larger family - one connected through a belief in Jesus Christ - joined under His blood that He sacrificed?
So maybe "family" doesn't have to always mean blood relations or marriage bonds.
I've often said to my best friend Becca that her two boys Todd and Ryan are more like cousins than occasional playmates and she nods her head in agreement. Those boys are really the only opportunity that my kids have to play with "cousins."
I struggle with a bit of envy every time Becca goes to visit her family - there are six siblings and many cousins running around. The boys love going to family events and seeing their cousins.
I ache for my kids because they'll never get to experience something like that because it's just not possible given our own family circumstances. My brother is only 16 and my sister doesn't intend to have a family - it's not something she wants.
In the end, though - I am thankful for my many friends who have children the same age as my kids. They have accepted us into their "families" and the warmth and love of girlfriends and "cousins" replaces the emptiness left from lack of children on my family's side.
I am thankful beyond what I can ever put into words - that my parents and siblings live close by.
What a blessing to be able to call them up and see what they're doing for dinner - and packing up the kids and heading over for an impromptu, shared meal.
There's something to be said for impromptu visits - whether it's a meal together or my brother stopping by after school to raid my refrigerator - and play with the kids. I love that Wyatt just lights up the minute Jerry walks in the door - he gets so excited and looks up to him with awe and wonder.
I love that my sister, with whom I have so many differences - would stand up and fight for me no matter what the issue - and that she spoils my kids like crazy because she can - but still loves them enough not to make them rotten :)
I love that I can call my dad and ask him to come over and fix something (usually electrical or plumbing related) that's broken in the house. I also love how close my father and husband are - I love that they call each other Eddie and Mikey
I'm blessed that my mother and I have a close relationship after so many rough years in my teens and early 20s. I love that Maddie loves her Mimi as much as her Mommy (sometimes I think more!) and that they have a bond so strong nothing could break it. I love the tea parties we have all the time - teaching my daughter that there's nothing that a good cup of tea can't soothe over.
I love that we are able to get mad at each other - have horrible yelling, name calling fights sometimes - and still love each other enough to say we're sorry and forgive each other for whatever we've said and done - that after an hour, a day, but no more than a few days - we're right back together as a family - enjoying life, sharing laughs and loving each other unconditionally. We all feel that there is nothing so terrible that it would cause us to build a wall of bitterness
I'm happy that my kids can see that we have emotions, too and that there are healthy ways to deal with anger and frustration that still allow us to have relationships and love for each other. We might be dysfunctional at times, but when the day is over what really matters is the love we share and show each other no matter what.
