A parent's excitement to see their son play a game he loves ends in a tragic death and a family and community numb from shock and sick with grief.
I woke up yesterday morning dreading my call to sing in the band at church. I dreaded it because I tend to be a very sensitive person when it comes to the pain and grief of others who are hurting. I knew that once I looked at the anguished faces I would not be able to hold myself composed.
Emails from band members let me know that we would be changing the song set and I drew a hot bath so I could spend time in prayer and in my scriptures. As I poured out my heart to God - pouring out my sorrows and grief for this family and our community - I was overcome with such pain and sadness - putting myself in the position of a mother who lost her only son - her only child - and the tears just wouldn't stop coming.
Eventually I pulled myself together and managed to get my hair to cooperate and make-up disguised some of the darkness under my eyes.
We came together before the service - as we always do - and all was fine until members from the choir - people I know to be close to this family - came into the room - their faces red and puffy and the tears flowing freely.
I lost it at that point - and it was only the rehearsal.
Then as we gathered in prayer and the band leader prayed so fervently for their family and all those touched by this tragedy and spoke how we were all parents and the thought of losing a child is so horrific.
We prayed for the boys who tackled Taylor - to give them peace and closure - and to touch them with God's grace and not Satan's guilt.
Composure came once again - but disappeared the minute our head pastor addressed the congregation. He explained that some things people say during a time like this can be very hurtful and that saying it was God's will or it happened for a reason was not true.
Sometimes bad things just happen and it was not something that God caused or wanted or planned. It was just a tragic event.
He reminded us that the Bible says that in all things God works for the good of those who love him - but that that verse doesn't mean that God wanted this to happen.
I believe that good will eventually be found in this tragedy - whether it's one teenager finding christ through this tragedy or many - I know that the life Taylor lives is a testimony to the love of Christ and lives will be changed because of his commitment to being a Christian and follower of Christ.
This tragedy has affected so many - down to even my little girl. Yesterday she remarked to me that Miss Sophie, her sunday school teacher was sad and left to go to church. Sophie is a high school student who is amazing with the little kids. She felt the need to be with her friends in the youth group yesterday - but her absence caused my sensitive little girl to ask questions.
And questions deserve answers - but how do you explain to a three year old that a boy has died?
I explained it the only way I could - with the truth. I was very honest with her about what happened - explaining it in terms that hopefully she can understand. We talked about how sad his mommy and daddy are right now and that when he died he went to heaven to live with Jesus and that one day he'll see his mom and dad again - but not for a long time.
She seemed satisfied with my answers - asking a lot of question about him getting hurt very badly.
Even her preschool teacher - and class are affected. Ms. Kathy - Taylor's mom - is the classroom assistant (co-teacher) in one of the classes across the hall from Maddie's room. Ms. LaVina is best friends with Ms. Kathy and sent an email out explaining that she would be taking the week off to be with her friend and their families. Her son was best friends with Taylor.
Our church and community has gathered around these people who are grieving - offering them love and support and whatever help they need.
The only thing I can think of to do at this time is to help Ms. LaVina and her family by arranging some meals so they don't have to worry about cooking... it's a small thing, but I know it will be appreciated.
Tomorrow is the service - it will be immense - and hopefully a wonderful celebration of Taylor's short, but full life.
I'll be in the audience - instead of on the stage - My heart can't bear to see the faces of sadness again. There was one man in the front row on Sunday - in his 60s or 70s I'd say - openly sobbing.
My heart is full of sorrow - but I trust God to give us hope and joy as we continue on in our lives -
