Holy Week - a time to reflect

Here I am again - surprised to see me? I'm sure you're starting to think that I might never write again!

Last night I had the joy and privilege of participating in a church-wide performance called "Yahweh." It was a compilation of songs - chronically the journey of Jesus as he arrived on Palm Sunday - through his crucifixion and resurrection. More than 100 voices, instrumentalists and other support people (like our wonderful AV team) worked hours to deliver this performance. 

Now as we are in the midst of Holy Week - I am reflecting and pondering on just how great and awesome these events truly are - in my own personal life and that of the world. 

One of my girlfriend's recently sent me a link to a video on YouTube. It's a skit done to Lifehouse's song, "Everything." It moves me to tears - as it chronicles the life of a young girl - searching for Jesus and then being swayed by the devil and finally fighting her way back. It makes me think about all the little things that can get in front of my relationship with Jesus and is making me seriously reconsider the priorities in my life. 

I really hope that you will take a moment to watch it - and have a tissue handy because I've watched it maybe 5 times now and it's brought me to tears each time. 

Kids and Easter...

No matter what the holiday - and I'm talking about the big ones - you know the two times a year people are more likely to go to church - Christmas and Easter... I want my children to know the real reason we celebrate. It's not about the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus - but about an event crucial to our heritage as Christians.

I'm so thankful for my church's strong commitment to children. We are fortunate (although it's really been a struggle) to have Madeleine in preschool at the Wesley Academy where she is getting a good start in how much God loves her. She also adores her Sunday School teacher Miss Sophie - who is a high school student volunteering her time to teach the three-year-olds!

Yesterday was a long day and Maddie took a very needed, but late nap - hence the almost midnight bedtime after a very long day for Mommy. We were laying in bed together talking at who knows what hour and she was telling me how much she loved the concert and started telling me all the components of the story of Jesus - from his ride into town on a donkey and the palms to his crucifixion, and that the angel's name was Gabriel - she had all the details down perfectly!

I stand amazed that a four-year-old little girl can tell me perfectly this story. I know she doesn't yet truly understand the significance, but it's a very promising start. 

Her enthusiasm inspires me to be a better Christian - so often I am caught up in the little things of life that I don't take the time I should for Christ. 

On Good Friday our church will be having a special service. We missed it last year, but I'm not missing it this year (I hope they have nursery!). It's called "Passion Poured Out" and if you're local - it's well worth attending.

Here's some information:

Our 2009 Good Friday Service is “Passion Poured Out”

 Friday, April 10, 2009, 7:00 p.m.

Nestled between the joyful days of Palm Sunday and Easter are days that, in the last week of Christ’s life, were full of suffering, grief, and sacrifice. Join us as we gather together and, through communion, song, and symbol, experience.

I hope no matter where you are that you take Easter beyond the bunny and remember the true reason we celebrate - that God sent his Son Jesus to die on the cross for our sins. It's hard to stand by and watch what is going on in the world today and not see the many prophecies coming to light. We need Jesus now more than ever!

A new year - new possibilities

It seems strange to me that it's already new year's eve. In reflection I don't know what to say about 2008.

There were some great things that happened and also some not so great things.

We are no closer to reconciliation in family matters than we were last year - perhaps even further away. Mike and I struggle with this on a daily basis - we want peace, but it hasn't come to us. Our marriage is stronger these days because of our unity on this issue - but the situational stresses are still hard on us.

Maddie is a precocious almost-4-year-old. She is polite and sweet but at the same time often spoiled and I'm very much ready for the dramatic whining and crying phase to go away forever. She's doing well in preschool and looking forward to next year. We're trying to decide if she'll go full-time or part-time next school year and I'm trying to come to grips with if I really want to homeschool as I'm hopelessly disorganized and have no routine bone in my body! I believe in homeschooling and I'm very wary of our public schools here. I want my children to learn for the sake of learning and not because they need to pass a test. I want to see the light of excitement for education that I had and still have. 

Wyatt - my little man - turns 2 on friday. I'm having a hard time coming to grips with this. He's my baby and still very much a baby in so many ways. I'm thankful that all my friends were right - boys love their mommas. Yesterday he came up to me and said, "Mommy, I love you." It was the first time he's said that - he's been saying I love you, too - for a while now. But this was unprompted and genuine. I love how he wraps his arms around my neck and lays his head on my shoulder and whispers - I hold you or I got you, or love you too. It warms my heart always. He's such a funny little guy - with an amazing sense of humor. I know every parents feels the same way - but he's got a special talent for funny I think. Even his little friend Nicklaus goes around telling people that Wyatt is a funny little guy! (Nicklaus is 3). 

This year will bring some change for me - I'm taking my Doula certification in February and already have a client or two lined up. I also have no choice but to finally face my fears when it comes to dental work (and the financial expense) and will have to make decisions about what I'm going to do to save my teeth (long story). I'm hoping that we will be able to travel some more this next year. I loved visiting Portland and want to take my family to Montana in the next 2 years. I miss the mountains and want my family to experience the splendor of God's beauty and grace. 

The question of whether we'll have another child is also weighing on my heart. I'm going to gather my medical records and send them to a local midwife to have her review them. I trust her opinion more than my own doctor at this point and her thoughts will have a big part in whether we add to our family. I have a lot of fears about another pregnancy - I've had such a hard time with both of mine. But I know that I can do things to help with some of the issues and prayer will help with the rest. Mike and I love being parents - we love our children and while we should be happy with the two we have - and we most definitely are - the subject of baby #3 keeps coming up. 

I'm not sure what the year will hold for Mike. They will continue to try and hold on to the clients they have and hopefully things with the economy will change and they'll be able to expand a bit. I know there are days ahead when I'll be on my own - which is the worst part of being a captain's wife. It's not that I don't like my time alone - I do. It's the no break with young kids that wears me down. 

This year I'm expanding our garden and hoping to use raised beds instead of planting in the ground. I think I'll do much better that way. I'd like to get to the point of growing at least half of what we consume and then trying to buy locally as much as possible. I'm also planning to get a few chickens for eggs this spring. 

I'm excited for what 2009 brings. My kids are getting older and less dependent on me for every little thing and that's exciting (and why I would want to have another baby and start over is still perplexing to me!).

I hope your new year brings you peace and love and happiness. 

Gingerbread Man

The last week of preschool  Maddie's class had a special activity and I was invited to participate. Ms. LaVina asked if I would be willing to come and bake a gingerbread man for the class and play a part in his running away - like in the story.

I was excited to help and let me tell you it was a fun-filled morning! 

Wyatt and I arrived in the classroom with Maddie that morning - and Angel also came with us since she was going to be baking the gingerbread man for her daughter's class - right after Maddie's class finished theirs. 

It was really neat being able to see what the kids do every morning in preschool. Wyatt joined right in - except when he was dismantling the gingerbread house. He ate every piece of candy off the front of it!

There is always an activity for the kids when they first come in - this day they painted gingerbread men

Wyatt playing with the cars in the classroom

Wyatt checking out the gingerbread house - notice the candies on the front? He ate them all!

Maddie and Angel doing the pledge

Ms. LaVina reading the Gingerbread Man story

Wyatt and the gingerbread house - I think he had candy in his mouth

Getting ready to mix the gingerbread - she let them all taste the batter before she started mixing it.

Everyone had a chance to help mix it up!

Playtime on the playground while he cooked - Wyatt joined right in the with the big kids!

He's baking!

The kids were outside playing when the gingerbread man ran away and left this note:

Here they are looking in the oven - but he was gone!

Look! Ms. LaVina reads them the note!

Quick - to the Marler Chapel!!!

After quite a goose chase - the kids ended back up in their classroom and look who they found waiting for them!

Charlotte

That big spider - she's Charlotte - and lives on the front porch of Maddie's preschool teacher's house. She's a Golden Silk Spider also known as a "banana spider" or Golden Silk Orb Weaver and every bit as huge in real life!

She has not one, but two males in her web and just recently laid an egg sac on the ceiling of the porch!

Here are some pictures I took of her and her gigantic web - it's truly gold and amazing!

and yes, I'm ready for Fall! The pumpkin patch is coming soon! I can't wait!

Thoughts on the hometown tragedy

How quickly life goes from one extreme to another. 

A parent's excitement to see their son play a game he loves ends in a tragic death and a family and community numb from shock and sick with grief. 

I woke up yesterday morning dreading my call to sing in the band at church. I dreaded it because I tend to be a very sensitive person when it comes to the pain and grief of others who are hurting. I knew that once I looked at the anguished faces I would not be able to hold myself composed.

Emails from band members let me know that we would be changing the song set and I drew a hot bath so I could spend time in prayer and in my scriptures. As I poured out my heart to God  - pouring out my sorrows and grief for this family and our community - I was overcome with such pain and sadness - putting myself in the position of a mother who lost her only son - her only child - and the tears just wouldn't stop coming.

Eventually I pulled myself together and managed to get my hair to cooperate and make-up disguised some of the darkness under my eyes.

We came together before the service - as we always do - and all was fine until members from the choir - people I know to be close to this family - came into the room - their faces red and puffy and the tears flowing freely.

I lost it at that point - and it was only the rehearsal.

Then as we gathered in prayer and the band leader prayed so fervently for their family and all those touched by this tragedy and spoke how we were all parents and the thought of losing a child is so horrific.

We prayed for the boys who tackled Taylor - to give them peace and closure - and to touch them with God's grace and not Satan's guilt. 

Composure came once again - but disappeared the minute our head pastor addressed the congregation. He explained that some things people say during a time like this can be very hurtful and that saying it was God's will or it happened for a reason was not true.

Sometimes bad things just happen and it was not something that God caused or wanted or planned. It was just a tragic event.

He reminded us that the Bible says that in all things God works for the good of those who love him - but that that verse doesn't mean that God wanted this to happen. 

I believe that good will eventually be found in this tragedy - whether it's one teenager finding christ through this tragedy or many - I know that the life Taylor lives is a testimony to the love of Christ and lives will be changed because of his commitment to being a Christian and follower of Christ. 

This tragedy has affected so many - down to even my little girl. Yesterday she remarked to me that Miss Sophie, her sunday school teacher was sad and left to go to church. Sophie is a high school student who is amazing with the little kids. She felt the need to be with her friends in the youth group yesterday - but her absence caused my sensitive little girl to ask questions.

And questions deserve answers - but how do you explain to a three year old that a boy has died? 

I explained it the only way I could - with the truth. I was very honest with her about what happened - explaining it in terms that hopefully she can understand. We talked about how sad his mommy and daddy are right now and that when he died he went to heaven to live with Jesus and that one day he'll see his mom and dad again - but not for a long time. 

She seemed satisfied with my answers - asking a lot of question about him getting hurt very badly. 

Even her preschool teacher - and class are affected. Ms. Kathy - Taylor's mom - is the classroom assistant (co-teacher) in one of the classes across the hall from Maddie's room. Ms. LaVina is best friends with Ms. Kathy and sent an email out explaining that she would be taking the week off to be with her friend and their families. Her son was best friends with Taylor.

Our church and community has gathered around these people who are grieving - offering them love and support and whatever help they need.

The only thing I can think of to do at this time is to help Ms. LaVina and her family by arranging some meals so they don't have to worry about cooking... it's a small thing, but I know it will be appreciated.

Tomorrow is the service - it will be immense - and hopefully a wonderful celebration of Taylor's short, but full life.

I'll be in the audience - instead of on the stage - My heart can't bear to see the faces of sadness again. There was one man in the front row on Sunday - in his 60s or 70s I'd say - openly sobbing.

My heart is full of sorrow - but I trust God to give us hope and joy as we continue on in our lives - 

First Day of School!

Ok - I was not planning to do any blogging, but tonight when I tried to upload pictures from my camera I discovered that the fall my camera took did in fact have some negative effect on it - it will not connect and "talk" to my computer....

I was very sad and perturbed because I had done a table layout and assignments for the 26 tables at the tea and needed to email it to the hostesses!

And I was lamenting the school pictures..

Well then I checked my mail one last time - and there was an email from Maddie's teacher and some really cute pictures - so thank you Ms. Lavina - you saved me!

Thoughts on having a preschooler

The morning started as usual - early morning cuddles and snuggles with Maddie - while Wyatt slept in after his usual all-nighter. 

She was excited to get dressed - she picked out her new Lands End corduroy skirt that Grandmomma sent her - to go with her pink Wesley Academy shirt. A pink bow and her new shoes - also a gift from Grandmomma - completed her outfit.

She looked so cute!

Time quickly escaped us as breakfast was eaten (by maddie only - wyatt and I went out later) - her lunch was finished and her tote bag was packed and ready to go.

We pulled into the parking lot and she started the whining - that she didn't want to go to school, etc. 

But we met up with Sabrina and her mom Angel and she changed her tune - excited to chat with one of her girlfriends. 

They're not in the same class, though - and that is sad, but it's ok :)

We went to her class and she found the 5-gallon bucket with her name on it - where she puts her tote bag every day. She has a folder inside her bag that she must take out of her bag and put on a shelf every day she has class, too. 

I should have walked away at that point - but she saw me and asked for a hug and kiss and then the crying started. It's her usual dramatic show - and I know it only lasts a few seconds. Wyatt was already running away down the hall - so I had to make a quick exit. I made eye contact with her teacher - Mrs. Lavina and told her she would have to take Maddie - peel her off me was more like it. 

I heard her screams as I ran down the hallway to find wyatt - he was trying to free the basketballs like always.

However the little girl who was screaming when I left was playing happily when I came to pick her up - she didn't want to leave of course! The tears this time were because she didn't want to stop playing...

She said she had a great day - and I noticed her playing school with her toys - reading them books, asking them to raise their hands, etc. 

She was a little disappointed that they didn't do any letters - according to Maddie. She's ready to learn!

I took some cute pictures, but it's 11:30 p.m. and I'm exhausted. I just got back home from making 100+ more nametags for the ladies tea on Sunday. The grand total # of name tags made now is over 200... 

And of course we're still watching tropical storm fay....

Pictures will be added soon!

Preschool

Well tomorrow is the big day  - my little girl starts preschool. We went to the open house on sunday night and met her teachers - Mrs. Lavina and Mrs. Jackie. We are lucky to have one of the most experienced teachers at the Wesley Academy - although all the teachers are great.

She's picked out her pink Wesley t-shirt (they have to wear uniform shirts) and her khaki corduroy skort and her snazzy new sport shoes. 

She said she won't cry when I leave her and she knows her teacher's names.

I can't believe it's already time for preschool. Wasn't she just my baby yesterday?