Sometimes...

Sometimes I think about unplugging - detaching myself from technology and Facebook. I hate how intertwined it has become in my life and business.

Sometimes I look down at the sweet little girl in my arms and I want to hold on to each moment forever. Those sweet cuddles - the last ones I might ever have from a snuggly baby who wants to do nothing other than cuddle and nurse.

Newborn turns into infant and toddler and then all too soon it's time for kindergarten and then suddenly your little girl is almost a big third grader...

Sometimes I think about how I'll never have "that" moment again - like the moment when Maris falls asleep nursing and has a smile on her face. Already the memories of snuggling her as a teeny newborn are fading. My little boy is now 6 and Maddie turns 8 - going on 30 though it seems.

Sometimes I think about the time I waste on the computer - not writing, but reading statuses on Facebook or reading comments people made about something insignificant in the grand scheme of things. I can do better.

Sometimes - well a lot recently - I think about how I used to be good at feeding my family real food and that ever since Maris arrived I've been a slacker - taking the easy and sometimes less healthy way out. I can do better at that for sure!

But mostly sometimes I try to savor the moments - I'll never get those moments back. I try not to dwell on the past - but live in the present.

And now I'm going to snuggle my snoozing toddler. She's quiet now - but I can still hear her tiny little voice saying, "Mama I love you."

Sweeter words were never spoken by anyone else.

Dear Wyatt, on your 6th birthday

Dear Wyatt,

Today you reached the awesome age of six years old. It seems like you have been part of our family forever and that there is not a time I can't remember you being with us. From a wee babe of just over 6 lbs to a young man of 6 - you have grown so much!
This past year has been full of changes for you and for our family. No longer the baby, you are now the middle child. I struggled with this title for a while - you just don't seem like middle child material. But Maris placed you in the middle and it seems to suit you well.

You are still petite at 6 - just now fitting into size 5 clothes and too short for the 20" bike your dad was convinced you'd be able to ride. We went with a 16" bike instead (just like mommy told daddy you needed). You are so close to doing a headstand and are eager to take gymnastics classes starting in January.

Kindergarten is ok. Most days you walk out and are rather grumpy. I think it's mostly because you are hungry and tired, but we're trying to get past that part. It's still winter break right now and you are eager to return to school. You are starting to read and that makes your mom and dad really proud of you!

I look at the young man you are becoming and other than the whining (which I am praying you'll grow out of this year...) you are an amazing little man! You love your baby sister so much and are such a great help with her. While you and your older sister, Maddie, don't always get along - you are incredibly close and play so well together. You have a lot of empathy for people and animals and I am very proud of this quality. It makes me feel like just maybe I've gotten something right with you.

When I found out that you were a boy years ago - I was so scared to parent a little boy. Most of the boys I knew weren't incredibly sweet and loving and I just knew that if you were mean and naughty I'd consider myself a failure as a mom.

However, all those days and hours and years of instilling empathy and love on you have paid off and you are a pretty cool little guy. This past year hasn't been easy - you've learned how to whine like a master... but you're working through it and your dad and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I can't wait to see the young man you're growing into - you make your daddy and I so very proud of you!

We love you so much!

Love, Mom and Dad

Help. Thanks. Wow

This is the title of Anne Lamott's newest book. It's about the three essential prayers for life. I've loved her writing, ever since I read her book Bird by Bird - about 12 years or so ago.

I bought this copy to give as a gift. I wasn't sure who I was going to give it to - but something told me to buy it. I realized once I started to read it that I knew exactly who to give it to, though. It will be unexpected, but I'm praying that it will be well received.


Of course I had to read it before I gifted it - and I wanted to keep some quotes handy that moved me...

I can't settle on a quote or two from the "Help" section of the book - I'd just write all of it and then my fingers would be tired. But needless to say it's the best part of the book for me. I need to make a God box...

"You say, Thank you for lifting this corner of the curtain so I can see the truth, maybe for just a moment, but in a way that might change my life forever." p. 49 "Thanks"

"We are hurt beyond any reasonable chance of healing. We are haunted by our own failures and mortality. And yet the world keeps on spinning, and in our grief, rage, and fear a few people keep on loving us and showing up. It's all motion and stasis, change and stagnation. Awful stuff happens and beautiful stuff happens, and it's all part of the big picture." - page 51 in the "Thanks" section

"'Thanks' is a huge mind-shift, from thinking that God wants our happy chatter and a public demonstration and is deeply interested in our opinions of the people we hate, to feeling quiet gratitude, humbly and amazingly, without shame at having been so blessed." p. 60 "Thanks"

"You breathe in gratitude and you breathe it out, too. Once you learn how to do that, then you can bear someone who is unbearable." p. 60 "Thanks"

"If we stay where we are, where we're stuck, where we're comfortable and safe, we die there. We become like mushrooms, living in the dark, with poop up to our chins. If  you want to know only what you already know, you're dying. You're saying: Leave me alone; I don't mind this little rathole. It's warm and dry. Really, it's fine." p. 86 "Wow"

"We pray to be of solace, and to find the courage to let people have their feelings. We breathe and pray to stay silent while people find their own way through. (Well, we try.) We pray to stay calm when the earth shakes and explodes. The universe is always having spasms and eruptions. It's labor. That's how things get born." p. 95 "Amen"

"I pray not to be such a whiny, self obsessed baby, and give thanks that I am not quite as bad as I used to be (talk about miracles.). Then something comes up, and I overreact and blame and sulk and it feels like I haven't made any progress at all. But it turns out I'm less of a brat than before, and I hit the reset button much sooner, shake it off and get my sense of humor back. That we and those we love have lightened up over the years is one of the most astonishing sights we will ever witness." p. 95-96 "Amen"

Loving her papa

Maris hasn't spent much time with my parents since they moved but this visit she has decided that she loves my daddy! Every morning when he wakes up and walks out of the room she shrieks and squeals and runs to him with her hands in her "I hold you!"

It melts his heart every time. She even let him put her to sleep the other day.

Sick

It hits hard every year but it seems like this year has been the worst! Maybe it's because there are 5 of us or maybe because everyone is sick at the same time but its been rough.

We made it through colds and tummy bugs but now it has hit is in the chest and there's coughing and wheezing.

Mike is almost better thankfully. I've had a fever since Wednesday last week and have a cough that sounds scary. Maris, the baby, has croup and now bronchitis. She's starting breathing treatments as soon as I get done at the dr myself. Maddie and Wyatt are now coughing too.

So if you have a spare moment pray for us!

Hinze family Christmas tree expedition

This afternoon we piled in the family minivan and drove to to local lowes to search for the perfect tree. I know it sounds cheesy but the best smelling and shaped trees are Fraser firs and sadly they don't grow in Florida. So given the choice between cutting a tree at a local farm that was not quite right or getting a Fraser we decided to go with tradition and get the same as always.

I must say that the choices were slim- lots of trees must have been put up over the weekend.

In my mind I was looking for a smaller tree- about 5.5 feet but in the end I think we ended up with a 6.5 foot one. Mike called it a Charlie Brown tree but I think it's perfect!

We had lots of choices for sure and in the end we almost went with the tiny one but the other one grabbed our interest.

Of course we watched Christmas Vacation twice before we went to get it. It would be breaking tradition to not watch it before hand. In fact we watched it before thanksgiving this year!

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