The different baby

By the time Maris joined our family - I felt like an experienced momma. Between breastfeeding and general mothering I was prepared to mother my little girl in full attachment parenting style - or my version of it.

Imagine my surprise to have a baby who doesn't "need" as much of that kind of mothering as my other two did...

Maris is a different baby in so many ways. I never expected her to be the same as Maddie and Wyatt - but I didn't expect her to be so different either.

For her first 6 weeks she never nursed for comfort. She would nurse, come off the breast and commence to screaming until she passed out from exhaustion. I didn't leave the house more than what was absolutely necessary. When she got upset in the car she would start throwing up. Twice she choked while doing this and it scared me to death.

As I tried to get to know this little soul - I noticed what I thought were symptoms of reflux. She seemed to always be bringing up fluid, but it was going back down instead of coming out as spit up. There were times when she spit up a lot and many times it was projectile. It wasn't exorcist projectile - but it was hitting 6 inches consistently. When she screamed it was awful. Her body was rigid and she seemed to be in pain. Every picture I took of her when she was in pain showed her little body contorted. She would claw at her face, turn red and start sweating. I felt so helpless to help her. Nursing brought her no comfort, instead it seemed to make the pain worse. Diaper changes were more times she screamed because she hated being on her back.

After Thanksgiving I made an appointment and took her to the doctor. He listened to me describe her symptoms and agreed that it sounded like reflux. He suggested two medicines and an upper GI. We decided to wait on the upper GI due to her young age and the fact that the medicines produced such a happier baby.

Within 4 hours of her first dose of zantac - she was a different baby. Mike and I sat around that evening not quite sure what to do with ourselves. Our little family had been so stressed and our days so tense that a night of quiet was odd. She slept and slept after that first dose. I think her little body was so relieved of pain that it relaxed and she rested.

She's still on the meds at almost 3 months old. Honestly, I'm scared to try a day without them!

She now nurses to sleep at times and comfort nurses as well. I breathed a sigh of relief the first time she stayed on the breast and nursed to sleep. I didn't know what to do with a baby who refused the breast for comfort.

 Maris likes her space. This is something different from my other babies. She is always in a wrap when we're out and about, but at home she prefers to be in her own space most of the time. We have this nifty rocker that is inclined and it's one of her favorite places to be. She's in it right now - half awake as I rock it with my foot. She sleeps in the rocker for most of her daytime naps and usually starts out the night in it before sleeping next to me. We don't have a schedule but she has a fairly predictable pattern these days. She wakes up between 6 and 8, nurses, is awake for a few and then shows me she's tired again. I use a large, thin swaddle blanket folded in half to swaddle her arms only, give her the paci and lay her on her side in the rocker. Sometimes she requires white noise as well. I discovered the other day that the air return in the hallway is a good place for her to sleep if the a/c unit's fan is running.

In some ways she's very high need - because when she's unhappy it takes a lot to settle her down. Maddie cracks me up with her term for swaddling: "Mom, you need to caterpillar her up!" But on the other hand she's an easy baby. She sleeps so well - often only waking up once in the early morning. Sometimes I have to wake her up for a random reason, but usually she's good from about 9 or 10 until 3-5 a.m. She sometimes nurses around midnight, but not always. I feel very lucky in that respect. My other two snacked all night long. I feel better rested this time around and with three little ones I need all the rest I can get.

Maybe it's just that I feel so much more confident in my mothering that it seems a little easier this time around. I just know how to "do" babies.

I still stare at her when she's asleep at night. My heart swells with the love that only a mother or father can truly understand. I am amazed at how much love I can have for each of my children. My heart split open wide the moment I saw her little head emerging. (I loved her before then, but there's something about the moment a child is born that seals them to you forever.)

Sometimes during the day - instead of folding clothes or unloading the dishwasher - I sit and hold her, talking to her, telling her stories and how much she's loved. I marvel in her smiles and love her pouty faces. I cherish each moment of my baby girl's day.