None of us knew him - or even his parents - but the grief of a parent is powerful and the mere thought of losing a child - on a day when you're not remembering the person who has recently lost theirs - is enough to bring me to tears. Add that to the reality of what happened this weekend and it's a little too close - and it is a reality for his parents.
My mom friends and I talk about it - it's part of every conversation. We wonder how his parents will manage - how will they cope? What will they do? Will they stay in this community or leave in the hopes of not being reminded every waking moment that their son is gone?
I talked to Maddie's teacher tonight and she'd just returned from his parent's house. She said the football team is embracing his parents - spending as much time with them as possible. The boys who live across the street visit and eat dessert with them every night. They've been overwhelmed with the love and support of a community.
When I first asked if I could bring a meal to Maddie's teacher - she said it would be great - but then I offered meals for a week and she said it wasn't necessary. I begged her to reconsider - promising it would be a blessing she needed for her and her family. I am reminded of all the meals brought to us when I was on bedrest with Wyatt - at least 6 weeks of meals every other night... My MOPS group kept us fed and even let Maddie go to MOPS without me. Women from the ladies Bible study came and cared for Maddie during the day so I didn't have to worry about being home alone with her. We were blessed by the love of our church family - and by my family who was there no matter what we needed.
Talking to Ms. L. tonight she said one of the church pastors said that she was just going to have to accept people's offer to help.
You see we get so determined and proud - we don't need help - don't need a handout - charity.
But what we forget is that for the people doing the act of service - it's not done out of obligation, but love - and because it makes us feel like we're helping in some small way.
The community doesn't know what to do with its grief - hundreds of mothers are mourning along with Taylor's mom - weeping and wailing over the loss of a son. Fathers are mourning with his father - in their own sometimes emotional, sometimes stoic ways.
One of my good friends told me she didn't know how I went to the service yesterday - and to be honest I don't know how I did it either. I went because it felt right - and I knew that in a small way I was helping the family - even if it was just to open the door a hundred times and help people find a place to sit.
The process of grief and life after a tragic death (or any death really) is slow - and hard. There are steps forward and steps back. After the uncontrollable weeping subsides you're numb - just going through the motions, but not processing life at the moment. I can't remember what happens after that, but I know the anger will come.
The first time you're alone is terrible - the house is quiet - whatever noises you once took for granted - like the sound of my grandfather snoring in his bed - are missing and new noises are heard. And then there's the silence - so loud it's deafening.
Shadows of movement - figures of your imagination are playing tricks on you constantly and you question whether it's really real - this idea of your loved one being dead.
Even though I'm a Christian I believe that some people are very sensitive to the spirit world - I've seen spirits or what i have always called shadows - all my life in fact. So maybe those shadows are a loved ones spirit just checking in to make sure things are alright. It's still unnerving - whether it's your mind playing a trick or the real thing.
It's only time and God's grace that heals the hurts. I remember the day my grandfather died - like it was yesterday. The last vision I have of him is still disturbing to me - his body - left on the floor where he fell - his soul already departed and his face blue as the fading night sky.
I was haunted by that image for a long time - it still haunts me now if I dwell upon it too much.
My prayers tonight for the Haugen family and the people who were there with them when Taylor died is for those images - that final scene - to be replaced with something more beautiful and happy - something that will glorify Taylor in their mind instead of bring sorrow.
Or maybe it would be nice for their minds to be blank as they slip into slumber - and may their sleep be peaceful and restful so they can rise and face the day strong and resilient tomorrow.
I love you.
