It's the little things that count

The last few days have been, well to put it mildly, challenging.

Whether it was the cranky children, cold weather, puppy, husband or other people - I can't put my finger on just one to blame so I'll suffice to say that it's been a wicked combination that has at times left me at my wits end.

I've survived on a small string of sanity and am hoping to arrive triumphantly together as the month of February arrives with gusto and chill tomorrow morning.

So instead of writing about all the negatives I've experienced over the past few days, instead I want to concentrate on what I've accomplished.

We've all had those days - the ones where the kids are screaming and fighting, the phone and or email goes off all day long and things have to be addressed at that moment - so that by the time the day ends you ask yourself just what have you accomplished all day long? (and typically your husband comes home and either bluntly or in some way asks you what you have to show for your day and you collapse on the unswept, unmopped floor in tears because you just can't take it anymore!).

So here is what I've accomplished today at least. I'm hoping that by the time I finish my list I'll be able to look back and appreciate myself a little more.

Ok, i'm throwing in a few things from yesterday, too.

• I planted two trays of 72 tomato seedlings, along with 15 pots of winter squashes. I'm hoping to sell the tomatoes and maybe a few of the extra squash plants.
• I washed, dried and folded (not quite put away) at least 6 loads of laundry this morning when I would normally have been worshipping at church - but Maddie had a fever and the sniffles so we opted to stay home.
• I watched my husband clean the kitchen (LOL)
• I watched my husband clean up puppy messes in the house (i love it!)
• I showered by myself for at least 15 minutes
• I researched homeschooling stuff and think I finally have my "curriculum" nailed down. I'm going to use Hands on Homeschooling as my main organized curriculum, Hooked on Phonics, Hooked on French (why not?) and beginning piano. We'll also consider the Blended School one day a week and take part in the various PE and park day activities that GCCHEA organizes.
• I planned and attended a Blessingway for one of our homebirth clients at Gentle Birth Options. 
• I organized my organic produce order through my local co-op and also started investigating their other natural food co-op. 
• I started reading "For Women Only"  and read a chapter (THE chapter) in Mike's book "For Men Only" . If you've read the books then I'm sure you can guess which chapter I read in the men's book - if not, use your imagination!
• I taught Maddie how to play UNO and she picked it up really quickly! She beat me most of the time - I won 2 games out of 10!

I guess it doesn't really seem like much, but it helps me to focus on what I have accomplished rather than what I have not - and some days that's really important.

A poem, a thought and a memory

I'm reading through this cookbook my grandmother, Pauline, sent to my mother for Christmas. It's put out by the Etude Club and is a collection of recipes, history and what made up the heart and soul of this club.

Founded in 1892 it has been a strong voice for literacy in Jefferson County - upstate New York. My father and his family grew up in Adams, NY. My grandmother has been a member of this club for many years (I'll have to remember to ask her how long). The club supports literacy and awards "scholarships" to students mainly in lower grades for showing "outstanding interest in books," "greatest improvement in scholarship, leadership, service, character and citizenship."

I think it's really cool that one of their awards is for kindergarten students. It's a mere $10- but ten bucks to a 5 or 6 year old is a lot of money (at least to my kids). This club reminds me of my middle school days when they would have an awards ceremony at the end of the year. I still have my certificates somewhere, but they also gave cash awards. It was a total surprise to me the first year I experienced this - but I walked away with more than $100 for awards in English, Art, Science and I think I even got the coveted principal's award one year (They only gave two of these each year).

But I digress for the real reason I decided to write about this cookbook and it's because there was a little poem that just spoke to me deeply. I read it to my husband and even though it's just a few lines he had a terribly blank look on his face when I finished.

"Would you like me to read it again?" I asked, fully prepared to repeat it to him.

"No, how about you just explain it to me?" he answered.

I went on to paraphrase it for him, even though I basically said the same words in the poem again. You'll have to tell me if you "get it."

I'm sure most moms understand!

There is no title, just the author's name. She was apparently one of the most recent Etude Club President and I'd like to think she's a young mom like me with younger children.

By Diana W. Smith, Etude President 2007-2008

Sometimes,
While shuffling
4 pots on a 3-burner stove;
The bathroom avalanched
With laundry disengorged
From the hamper,
And none of the dishes done;
2 kids crying
And needing noses wiped,
I wonder
What it would be like,
Cooking dinner
for 1.

Dr. Seuss for Nursing Moms

I have no idea who wrote this - so I can't give correct attribution - but it's very cute!

Dr. Seuss for Nursing Moms
Would you nurse her in the park?
Would you nurse him in the dark?
Would you nurse him with a Boppy?
And when your boobs are feeling floppy?


I would nurse him in the park,
I would nurse her in the dark.
I’d nurse with or without a Boppy.
Floppy boobs will never stop me.


Can you nurse with your seat belt on?
Can you nurse from dusk till dawn?
Though she may pinch me, bite me, pull,
I will nurse her `till she’s full!


Can you nurse and make some soup?
Can you nurse and feed the group?
It makes her healthy strong and smart,
Mommy’s milk is the best start!


Would you nurse him at the game?
Would you nurse her in the rain?
In front of those who dare complain?
I would nurse him at the game.
I would nurse her in the rain.


As for those who protest lactation,
I have the perfect explanation.
Mommy’s milk is tailor made
It’s the perfect food, you need no aid.


Some may scoff and some may wriggle,
Avert their eyes or even giggle.
To those who can be cruel and rude,
Remind them breast’s the perfect food!


I would never scoff or giggle,
Roll my eyes or even wiggle!
I would not be so crass or crude,
I KNOW that this milk’s the perfect food!


We make the amount we need
The perfect temp for every feed.
There’s no compare to milk from breast-
The perfect food, above the rest.


Those sweet nursing smiles are oh so sweet,
Mommy’s milk is such a treat.
Human milk just can’t be beat.


I will nurse, in any case,
On the street or in your face.
I will not let my baby cry,
I’ll meet her needs, I’ll always try.
It’s not about what’s good for you,
It’s best for babies, through and through.


I will nurse her in my home,
I will nurse her when I roam.
Leave me be lads and ma’am.
I will nurse her, Mom I am.

A big boy bed - well kind of...

It's been coming - the day when Wyatt would grow out - I mean climb out - of his crib.

He's actually been climbing out for about a week - thanks to the wise instruction of his older sister!

I wasn't ready to give up the crib - although Maddie was moved to a twin-size mattress on the floor when she was not quite 18 months old.

I liked having a place to use for time outs - for me and him! And it was nice to know that he was contained and not wandering his room playing with toys when he should be napping.

But it's no longer a safe containment system and I worry about him falling and getting hurt - so this morning during the torrential down pours I took the crib apart (it's still in the hallway since it's STILL raining and we can't get out to the storage shed in the rain).

Eventually he'll have a twin-size mattress on the floor just like Maddie did - but for now he's alright on the crib one - although it's so small!

I was very pleased that he went down easily for his nap today and didn't get up to play! Tonight at bedtime I had to go in and lay down and nurse him a little bit more and when I got up the second time he told me "Night Night" and "I love you too" and stayed with his little head on the pillow - pulling his Thomas blanket up close to his face.

Part of me wants to cry (and that part wants another baby!) because it's just another way that he's not a baby anymore. There's a small part of me that was ready, but it was more out of necessity and safety I guess.

I'm going to start crying if I keep writing - because there are so many precious things about my little ones that move me to tears (of love and frustration!). I'm just amazed at them - how they grow and talk and learn so much about life from each day. I love that I am able to be a part of their world as a stay at home mom - to experience the awe and wonder that fills their little eyes.

I am humbled by my children - always.

Motherhood - in reflection

There's a moment in every mother's life when suddenly she's struck by the awesomeness of what she has in her life - children, husband, stability, love, friends.

I find that as each day goes by I let go of the things I know are just not realistic for me and my family.

For instance - I am creative and crafty, but lack the personal organization to keep my house mostly tidy. I clean sporadically - most on emotional whims rather than routine and schedule. Often I am embarrassed by my lack of tidiness - I often use my children as a (rather good) excuse. They literally tear rooms apart as I'm cleaning and tidying - so often I just give up and let them do their thing. 

Time has taught me that it's the little moments that are most important - not if I got the dishes washed or the house vacuumed. It's stopping to dance with my toddlers in the kitchen - on an eternally gritty, sandy floor (no matter how many times I sweep!). 

I find my joy and happiness in their smiles and laughs as we do silly things - making "collections" of wild, green things from our yard and neighborhoods - all the while getting in little lessons about ecology and horticulture (who would have guessed?). 

We chase slugs and snails and dig worms out of our compost pile - getting filthy as the next person digging in the dirt - but we're learning about how things break down and return to the earth and how that in turn gives us compost that our worms find yummy and makes our plants grow strong. 

You know my kids can survive without Noggin or other TV programs - no matter how much they protest and I'm always amazed (but shouldn't be) when we've had a day without television and things are so much smoother. There are still tantrums, but fewer and less intense. (This goes for days without refined sugar, too). 

I'm still trying to convince my husband that there is life without television. That's his way to unwind and God forbid I take something like that away from him. My response is God forbid he learn how to relax another way - like taking a bike ride or getting some project done around the house. Time will work on him, I hope. I'd like to have no TV on when he's home and the kids are up. I'm still trying to convince him that Family Guy is not a good role model for our children or him - not as parents and not as Christians. 

Learning to let go is hard for me, but day by day I'm giving up obligations and commitments that I've made. I'm replacing them with nothing - just spontaneity - something I'm really good at these days!

When most people are routine and structured - I prefer the opposite. There are parts of my life that I'd like to have that order in - like my house! But when it comes to everyday life - I find that the days are too short for rigid structure and life must be lived in the moment - no matter what that moment is supposed to be or becomes in a split second. 

I'm trying to let go of materialism - my kids are getting more natural toys - homemade playthings - toys that let them use their imagination. I'm slowly phasing out a lot of the plastic toys - not just because of concern about toxins, but because I'm starting to agree that less is more and I should be the one teaching my kids their colors and numbers - not some singing piece of plastic!

I'm thrilled that at 20 months Wyatt could count to 2 and now he can count to three and jumps to five. He recognizes the color "pink" (what else would his first color be than pink - with a princess obsessed sister?) His second color recognition was blue - and he's working on green now. 

Maddie is gifted - and Wyatt will probably be considered gifted as well. I'm not bragging, but my kids are sharp - they're articulate and at times wise beyond their years.

Speaking of kids - (rambling here) - I read an article in Parenting this month that said kids who lie tend to be gifted. There's apparently research showing that gifted children are good liars. 

This just irks me - as a parent trying to teach her children morals and values - the fact that society says it's ok to lie and that smart kids lie often as children just bothers me - a lot. I think it's a sign of where our society has gone and is going - that lying is considered a virtue or symptom of giftedness. 

Lying is not ok - and anyone who thinks so has a skewed perception of reality.

But back to my wonderful mothering ramblings...

This new child of ours - the orange tabby feline variety - thinks he's my baby. Where ever I am - he wants to be and he's incredibly spoiled. One day - for fun - I stuck him in my Moby Wrap and now he's always wanting to be up close and cuddled. He was in my lap a few minutes ago - and kept trying to get up under my chin (I'm not sure what he was thinking). I finally got irritated with him and went and put on one of my moby wraps (or a homemade one actually). I popped him into it and after a few minutes of squirming, biting and clawing to get comfortable and let me know I was his mommy - he went to sleep - purring and all snuggled up in there. 

I swear he thinks he's a kangaroo!

Thoughts for Nie Nie

I think the biggest fear I have as a mother is that something would happen to me to take me away from my children. I also worry all the time that something might happen to Mike and leave my children without a father.

Or the worst - that something would happen to both of us at the same time - leaving my kids orphans.

I've been reading this blog for a few months now - since sometime in late August or early September - My best friend Becca pointed me towards it and I am now hooked and floored. Her sister (CJane) has also been keeping up with Nie Nie's Blog - reposting favorite entries from the past several years. 

The emotions run rampant as I read what she writes - and I feel like I know this family and the children even though we've never met.

I'm at a lack for words on how to describe it all, so I'll post the description from CJane's blog:

Then, my sister Nie Nie and her husband were in a private plane crash (August 16, 2008) and are now trying to recover from very critical burns. I blog for donations on their behalf. You can donate by clicking the "donate to Nie" button down below. Now, more than ever I believe in the blogging community and hope to see the day when my sister can enjoy it again too.
This is information from the Nie Recovery Site:

About Nie

On Saturday, August 16, 2008, Stephanie Nielson was in a plane crash with her husband, Christian Nielson, and his flight instructor, Doug Kinneard, near St. Johns, Arizona. Doug Kinneard passed away soon after arriving at the Maricopa County Hospital.

Christian & Stephanie remain in critical condition at Maricopa Burn Center. Christian has sustained burns on over 30% of his body. His wife Stephanie’s body was burned over 80%. 

Since 2005, Stephanie has welcomed us into her charming abode through the NieNie Dialogues. Far from being a product of creative editing, the Nielson’s don’t just shine through the selective lens of a blog. They are ingenuous examples of family devotion, eternal romance, and Christ centered faith.

If I remember correctly - the couple has 4 kids and Cjane and her husband (and their infant son "The Chief") welcomed NieNie's children three oldest children into their home after the accident. CJane's sister Lucy took the baby.

To go from the fledgling mother of an infant to the mother of 4 (because that's really what she is right now, their mom) must have been overwhelming. But through her words I can see that with prayer and dedication from her family and community - CJane is doing a marvelous job.

There is hardly a time when I read her blog and I'm not reduced to sobbing. Mike will walk into the room and ask me what's wrong - and there are no words to describe.

This weekend there was a benefit for Nie Nie and her husband - her girls sang on stage with artist Mindy Gledhill - all proceeds benefitting their recovery. This weekend might have been the first time the children were allowed to see their parents. Dad is now discharged from the hospital and doing further rehab while staying with his parents.

Nie Nie is slowly being brought out of a drug-induced coma for the past 2 months. Her burns were more substantial than her husband's - and doctor's say that her face is healing well - but I know she will never look the same.

I cry for her children - will they recognize their mother? - her face forever changed and scarred - but she will still be beautiful and her words will still be sweet once she starts talking again.

I'm too choked up to write more right now, but wanted to show you the video that was presented at the benefit this weekend.

Please pray and continue to pray for this couple and their young family - 4 children under 7... Pray for their extended families as the sisters and brothers, fathers and mothers work so hard to keep things normal in their now hectic lives. Pray for healing and protection over every member of these families -keep the children healthy and infection at bay as mom continues to fight for her life.

And pray for your own families - for your children and loved ones. It can all change or end in an instant - tell them you love them today.

Rain, Fairies, Laundry and the secrets of motherhood!

The much needed rain has finally stopped after two days. This afternoon the sun peeked out and other than the oppressive humidity the day was suddenly beautiful. I tried for a few moments to convince myself that when I stepped outside I would be greeted with crisp, Fall weather - but I was instantly contradicted by the heat and water vapor. Mike tells me there is a cold front on the other end of this weather system and I'm optimistic that tomorrow I'll wake up to a chilly morning. At least I have my dreams! My computer says that the high tomorrow is only 83... humphf!

Tonight the Paci Fairy came to visit Maddie. We've been talking it up for a while - that the Paci Fairy would come and take her pacis and leave her a special present in return. She asked for the new Barbie in the Diamond Castle Doll - the one with the purple and blue dress. Mike picked it up this afternoon and even disguised his voice on the phone so she could talk to the Paci Fairy! I wrote her a sweet note and put the Barbie on the shelf of her dollhouse (where she said she wanted the Paci Fairy to leave it). I can't wait to see her reaction in the morning. I also pray that we won't have a meltdown tomorrow night.

Pumpkin the kitten is settling in well with our household. We had a bit of a scary time tonight when he kept throwing up, but he seems to have got whatever it was out of his system. The kids and I took him to the vet this morning and they gave him a shot and a dewormer and I think something must have upset his tummy.

Wyatt is such a big boy now - he's really showing an interest in the potty all of a sudden. I swear I spent more time taking him to sit on the toilet during our cruise - always during meals, too! Just as soon as I get settled it's, "I potty, I pee pee."

I did find out last night that for some reason he doesn't seem to mind a poopy diaper, but he pooped in his underwear and had a royal fit! I guess that's a good thing. We just keep having underwear time (it's safer than naked time with him!).

It's funny how similar some of us momma's are. I was talking to my online friend Krys tonight - she's the momma behind Cotton Momma - and makes the best soaps and bath salts ever! We were actually talking about stripping diapers and washing routines and the conversation eventually went to our own personal laundry habits.. I was laughing as we divulged our secrets and shortcuts...

krystynanicole says: I HATE folding LMBO

Jemima Puddleduck says: i live out of baskets of clean clothes

krystynanicole says: i enjoy laundry but folding i hate.

krystynanicole says: me too

Jemima Puddleduck says: i suck at folding and putting away

krystynanicole says: i am staring at one now that i have been digging out of for two days lol

Jemima Puddleduck says: i've washed everything from vacation and actually put maddie's stuff away, but the rest of it is in baskets

Jemima Puddleduck says: two peas in a pod when it comes to laundry - you and me :)

Jemima Puddleduck says: lol

krystynanicole says: i have been known to take stuff from the washer and put it in  the dryer with already dry clothes in the dryer lmao

krystynanicole says: i'm like ok more stuff will fit.

Jemima Puddleduck says: i did that today! lol- so i could wash dipes and not have to fold clothes

Jemima Puddleduck says: too funny

I don't know why, but it tickled me so much to know that there is another mom out there who stuffs another load of wet clothes into the dryer that is already full of completely dry clothes. The cats were looking at me with a confused expression - as I laughed in the quiet of my sleeping house.

I feel I've accomplished much if the clothes are clean. Sure I'd like them to be folded and put away, but seriously - have you ever tried to fold clothes with an almost 2-year-old sitting there ready to pounce on the stack of neatly folded items? It's just easier to throw them in a basket, pull out a wrinkled shirt and either go with the wrinkled look or toss it back into the already overflowing dryer for a quick warm-up and de-wrinkling. 

I'd never win housekeeper of the year, but I'm a pretty good mom if I do say so myself. Life passes much too quickly to obsess about having a spotlessly organized home. My kids are loved and loved well - that's what really matters.

And besides one day the kids will be gone and the laundry will still be there - waiting for me to catch up 20 years later!

One step forward

five steps back...

It's just that kind of morning. I don't feel good, which is making it undeniably worse.

Maddie is not listening this morning. My patience is waning and I've given chances, explained things - but it's just not sinking in.

For example:

She had been crying about some random issue and needed a tissue, which she took out of the box.

"Please make sure you put it in the trash can when you are done," I told her as she was wiping her nose.

I walked out of the living room for a second - she did not leave the room and there is no trash can in the living room. I returned and the tissue was no where in sight.

"Maddie, where is the tissue? Did you put it in the trash can?" I asked.

"Uh-huh," she replied.

"But there isn't a trash can in here and you didn't leave the room, where is your dirty tissue?" I asked.

She walked over to a box near the desk and window and told me it was in there.

I just don't get it!

How in the world, 30 seconds after directly being told to do or not do something she does the exact thing I asked her not to do?

We were sitting at the desk looking at pictures of caterpillars and butterflies and she brought over a woven toy basket and said she was going to use it as a stool. I nicely explained to her that it was not something she could stand on because it would break.

What does she do? She turns it over and proceeds to step on it! Again, I tell her no - and that she cannot stand on it, but she keeps trying. And when I tell her no she starts whining and crying again.

Enough already with the whining and crying - it's making my head hurt!

I just told her that from this point on when she's crying and whining that I don't hear her and will not talk to her or acknowledge her when she's acting this way. 

It's completely something that she's doing on purpose - because she can turn it off in an instant.

And this means that in some small way I'm a failure as a parent because it's a negative behavior and I've obviously done SOMETHING to reinforce or reward her for this behavior - or perhaps it's others who are rewarding her for this behavior by giving into her whining fits.

I don't know - but I do know it's going to stop and it's starting today.

So if you're reading this and have a soft heart when it comes to whining and tantruming of little girls who are being manipulative - expect some changes. 

I'm not mean - I'm a parent - and I refuse to be controlled by a whiney three-year old who can turn it "off" in an instant.

The connection of mothers in times of grief

As a mother my heart is broken for Taylor's mom. I find that - like several of my friends- I burst into tears or feel my eyes well up at just the littlest things right now. I purposely avoid driving down Hwy. 20 where Taylor's name is spelled out in cups on the chain link fence - balloons and flowers threaded through the metal maze. 

None of us knew him - or even his parents - but the grief of a parent is powerful and the mere thought of losing a child - on a day when you're not remembering the person who has recently lost theirs - is enough to bring me to tears. Add that to the reality of what happened this weekend and it's a little too close - and it is a reality for his parents. 

My mom friends and I talk about it - it's part of every conversation. We wonder how his parents will manage - how will they cope? What will they do? Will they stay in this community or leave in the hopes of not being reminded every waking moment that their son is gone?

I talked to Maddie's teacher tonight and she'd just returned from his parent's house. She said the football team is embracing his parents - spending as much time with them as possible. The boys who live across the street visit and eat dessert with them every night. They've been overwhelmed with the love and support of a community.

When I first asked if I could bring a meal to Maddie's teacher - she said it would be great - but then I offered meals for a week and she said it wasn't necessary. I begged her to reconsider - promising it would be a blessing she needed for her and her family. I am reminded of all the meals brought to us when I was on bedrest with Wyatt - at least 6 weeks of meals every other night... My MOPS group kept us fed and even let Maddie go to MOPS without me. Women from the ladies Bible study came and cared for Maddie during the day so I didn't have to worry about being home alone with her. We were blessed by the love of our church family - and by my family who was there no matter what we needed. 

Talking to Ms. L. tonight she said one of the church pastors said that she was just going to have to accept people's offer to help. 

You see we get so determined and proud - we don't need help - don't need a handout - charity.

But what we forget is that for the people doing the act of service - it's not done out of obligation, but love  - and because it makes us feel like we're helping in some small way.

The community doesn't know what to do with its grief - hundreds of mothers are mourning along with Taylor's mom - weeping and wailing over the loss of a son. Fathers are mourning with his father - in their own sometimes emotional, sometimes stoic ways.

One of my good friends told me she didn't know how I went to the service yesterday - and to be honest I don't know how I did it either. I went because it felt right - and I knew that in a small way I was helping the family - even if it was just to open the door a hundred times and help people find a place to sit. 

The process of grief and life after a tragic death (or any death really) is slow - and hard. There are steps forward and steps back. After the uncontrollable weeping subsides you're numb - just going through the motions, but not processing life at the moment. I can't remember what happens after that, but I know the anger will come.

The first time you're alone is terrible - the house is quiet - whatever noises you once took for granted - like the sound of my grandfather snoring in his bed - are missing and new noises are heard. And then there's the silence - so loud it's deafening.

 Shadows of movement - figures of your imagination are playing tricks on you constantly and you question whether it's really real - this idea of your loved one being dead. 

Even though I'm a Christian I believe that some people are very sensitive to the spirit world - I've seen spirits or what i have always called shadows -  all my life in fact. So maybe those shadows are a loved ones spirit just checking in to make sure things are alright. It's still unnerving  - whether it's your mind playing a trick or the real thing.

It's only time and God's grace that heals the hurts. I remember the day my grandfather died - like it was yesterday. The last vision I have of him is still disturbing to me - his body - left on the floor where he fell - his soul already departed and his face blue as the fading night sky. 

I was haunted by that image for a long time - it still haunts me now if I dwell upon it too much. 

My prayers tonight for the Haugen family and the people who were there with them when Taylor died is for those images - that final scene - to be replaced with something more beautiful and happy - something that will glorify Taylor in their mind instead of bring sorrow.

Or maybe it would be nice for their minds to be blank as they slip into slumber - and may their sleep be peaceful and restful so they can rise and face the day strong and resilient tomorrow.

I love you.