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Showing posts with label 2010. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2010. Show all posts
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Camping - It was fun while it lasted...
It was a good idea - while it lasted, that is.
Growing up in England and Montana - I camped a lot. Naturally I want to share this experience with my little family. Now I'm not ready to go into the Bob Marshall Wilderness with them - but I thought it might be fun to do a trial night in my parent's backyard. We were going to practice camping, that is.
Apparently we need a lot more practice!
Overall things went well - we set up the tent quickly and moved in with our inflatable air mattress, blankets and pillows. The kids had a blast playing in the tent through the afternoon and early evening. For dinner we roasted hot dogs over the campfire I built and nurtured in my parent's outdoor fireplace. I roasted some ears of corn and baked some amazing melt-in-your-mouth potatoes. For the grown-ups I grilled ribeyes (we were really roughing it!). The kids had a blast eating the hot dogs on their roasting sticks and the adults moved inside (mosquitoes were getting bad) and enjoyed their meal. After dinner we roasted marshmallows although I was the only one besides my mom who ate any. Maddie enjoyed cooking them, but then refused to eat any!
Mike came by after his fishing trip and enjoyed a steak and potato while I fussed over the nasty bite on his leg - from a wahoo (fish). The kids had baths and were relaxed and ready for bed so we made our way out to the tent after a rousing game of finding batteries for the flashlight (rolls eyes).
We got out into the tent and I noticed that the air mattresswas deflated considerably a little low. Being the Girl Scout that I am not I had planned head and ran an extension cord out to the tent so I could adjust the mattress if needed. I added some air and the kids piled on for bedtime stories.
Wyatt immediately started complaining that he didn't like the tent and wanted to go inside and sleep with Mimi. I made it through two stories and he was relentless so I unzipped the door, padded back inside and begged my mom to let him sleep inside. I think he would have just come inside on his own if I didn't try to plea on his behalf - he was determined not to sleep outside. Ten minutes later he was asleep in her bed.
Maddie and I chatted for a while about the stars and other silly things that people discuss late at night under the stars. As she prattled on I could feel the air seeping out of the mattress as my body seemed to drift lower and lower. I must have fallen asleep eventually - Maddie was snoring quite loudly and the dewpoint had been reached as everything in the tent was damp.
Instead of up high on the mattress we were rather engulfed in it and I decided that the tent was a lost cause at the same moment Maddie awoke and exclaimed that she had to pee NOW.
I gathered up our pillows and blankets and somehow managed to get both of our shoes on and the door unzipped and rezipped and she raced into the house - only to race back to where I was trying to walk and not drop anything on the ground - because she couldn't open the door. I don't think she was really awake honestly!
Crisis averted I helped her to the bathroom then explained to my mom our dire situation with the mattress. We devised a sleeping plan that included leaving my dad in the spare room (where he retired after losing his side of the bed to Wyatt) and moving Wyatt to my sister's bed and putting Maddie in with my mom. Unfortunately this puts poor Natalie on the couch, but she'll stay up watching her Anime movies until who knows when so she typically doesn't mind terribly. I moved her pillows and blankets and wrote her a cute note from Wyatt explaining our dilemma and left her a piece of chocolate.
So now I'm inside (actually relieved at the moment) where I'm swatting at imaginary bugs because my skin is crawling and itchy. I'm also now (not thankfully at all) experiencing the allergies that everyone has been complaining about that I've smugly avoided until my brief stint in the backyard "camping." Thankfully my mom gave me a zyrtec and I'll be less itchy in the morning.
So hopefully the next adventure will be more successful - only time will tell.
At least we tried, right? I'd much rather pack up and come inside my parents house than have to pack up camp at 1 a.m. and go home!
Growing up in England and Montana - I camped a lot. Naturally I want to share this experience with my little family. Now I'm not ready to go into the Bob Marshall Wilderness with them - but I thought it might be fun to do a trial night in my parent's backyard. We were going to practice camping, that is.
Apparently we need a lot more practice!
Overall things went well - we set up the tent quickly and moved in with our inflatable air mattress, blankets and pillows. The kids had a blast playing in the tent through the afternoon and early evening. For dinner we roasted hot dogs over the campfire I built and nurtured in my parent's outdoor fireplace. I roasted some ears of corn and baked some amazing melt-in-your-mouth potatoes. For the grown-ups I grilled ribeyes (we were really roughing it!). The kids had a blast eating the hot dogs on their roasting sticks and the adults moved inside (mosquitoes were getting bad) and enjoyed their meal. After dinner we roasted marshmallows although I was the only one besides my mom who ate any. Maddie enjoyed cooking them, but then refused to eat any!
Mike came by after his fishing trip and enjoyed a steak and potato while I fussed over the nasty bite on his leg - from a wahoo (fish). The kids had baths and were relaxed and ready for bed so we made our way out to the tent after a rousing game of finding batteries for the flashlight (rolls eyes).
We got out into the tent and I noticed that the air mattress
Wyatt immediately started complaining that he didn't like the tent and wanted to go inside and sleep with Mimi. I made it through two stories and he was relentless so I unzipped the door, padded back inside and begged my mom to let him sleep inside. I think he would have just come inside on his own if I didn't try to plea on his behalf - he was determined not to sleep outside. Ten minutes later he was asleep in her bed.
Maddie and I chatted for a while about the stars and other silly things that people discuss late at night under the stars. As she prattled on I could feel the air seeping out of the mattress as my body seemed to drift lower and lower. I must have fallen asleep eventually - Maddie was snoring quite loudly and the dewpoint had been reached as everything in the tent was damp.
Instead of up high on the mattress we were rather engulfed in it and I decided that the tent was a lost cause at the same moment Maddie awoke and exclaimed that she had to pee NOW.
I gathered up our pillows and blankets and somehow managed to get both of our shoes on and the door unzipped and rezipped and she raced into the house - only to race back to where I was trying to walk and not drop anything on the ground - because she couldn't open the door. I don't think she was really awake honestly!
Crisis averted I helped her to the bathroom then explained to my mom our dire situation with the mattress. We devised a sleeping plan that included leaving my dad in the spare room (where he retired after losing his side of the bed to Wyatt) and moving Wyatt to my sister's bed and putting Maddie in with my mom. Unfortunately this puts poor Natalie on the couch, but she'll stay up watching her Anime movies until who knows when so she typically doesn't mind terribly. I moved her pillows and blankets and wrote her a cute note from Wyatt explaining our dilemma and left her a piece of chocolate.
So now I'm inside (actually relieved at the moment) where I'm swatting at imaginary bugs because my skin is crawling and itchy. I'm also now (not thankfully at all) experiencing the allergies that everyone has been complaining about that I've smugly avoided until my brief stint in the backyard "camping." Thankfully my mom gave me a zyrtec and I'll be less itchy in the morning.
So hopefully the next adventure will be more successful - only time will tell.
At least we tried, right? I'd much rather pack up and come inside my parents house than have to pack up camp at 1 a.m. and go home!
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Siren Call
Where to start - that's the question I'm always faced with when I give in to the writer's block I am dealing with on a daily basis. It's not that I don't want to write or that I have nothing to write about - rather it's the opposite - there are so many things I want to write about and ponder - but I'm choosing to not write and here I am months later depressed at the lack of writing and feeling rather like I'm going to implode if I don't start writing again.
Every year around the time of Fall - or Indian Summer - I get melancholy for the mountains - Montana - specifically. It's been 13 years since I left my home state - with my family. We've never been back. I am pining for the mountains, the prairies - for Monarch and Neihart - for Memorial Falls - for the view from the back porch of our house. I miss the bluffs of the Missouri river - the Giant Springs park and the monstrous falls of my town's namesake : Great Falls.
I feel trapped in Florida. I love my husband and my kids and my family - and I have a few very dear friends here - but there's nothing else that keeps me wanting to stay here. Maybe it's just my eternal wanderlust - but I want to be elsewhere.
Go ahead and judge me but I hate the South. All I see here is intolerance and judgement. I'm not ignorant - I know that those things exist everywhere - it just seems to me that they exist even more HERE in the South than other parts of the country where I've lived (and I've lived in several places of our great country, plus abroad for 6 years of my life!). I've seen lots of positive things here as well - but it's hard to keep seeing the beauty when you're seeing so much ugly.
It's possible that I'm just burned out - on people, on heat, humidity and the lack of elevation - the constant barrage of mosquitoes, the oil spill, the days upon days without a break of silence and time for myself.
I went to the beach last night with Wyatt. Just me and him - we took a blanket and a frisbee and went to watch the sun dip into the water. It was pretty and as the light waned and the temperature dropped I found a brief moment of quiet as Wyatt was happily playing in the sand and I wrote in my journal in the first time in forever. We were almost alone on the beach - there was a couple probably several hundred feet away. And then a large family came down the beach access and plopped their stuff just feet away from me. I mean they had the whole beach - why did they have to interrupt my little bit of solitude? When the woman started taking pictures (it was dark out!) with her larger than life flash - I found myself increasingly irritated as the night sky was lit up over and over by something that was no act of nature. We packed up and left.
So where does all this leave me? I'm not sure. The kids and I are packing up and heading to the mountains in TN in a week or two (once maddie's arm is healed). Mike can't come because he's trying to recap lost fishing money now that snapper season is open on the weekends.
I had a small meltdown last night when I told him I thought I needed a break and wanted to take a trip by myself somewhere in November. I'm debating between going to MT or Seattle where my good friend lives. I'm leaning towards Seattle because she's a kindred spirit and she gets what my issues are! She understands completely and it would be great to spend some time with her (and meet her newest little one).
The mountains call to my soul and I've been burying their song in the depths of my heart for too long. It's like a siren call - I need to go.
Every year around the time of Fall - or Indian Summer - I get melancholy for the mountains - Montana - specifically. It's been 13 years since I left my home state - with my family. We've never been back. I am pining for the mountains, the prairies - for Monarch and Neihart - for Memorial Falls - for the view from the back porch of our house. I miss the bluffs of the Missouri river - the Giant Springs park and the monstrous falls of my town's namesake : Great Falls.
I feel trapped in Florida. I love my husband and my kids and my family - and I have a few very dear friends here - but there's nothing else that keeps me wanting to stay here. Maybe it's just my eternal wanderlust - but I want to be elsewhere.
Go ahead and judge me but I hate the South. All I see here is intolerance and judgement. I'm not ignorant - I know that those things exist everywhere - it just seems to me that they exist even more HERE in the South than other parts of the country where I've lived (and I've lived in several places of our great country, plus abroad for 6 years of my life!). I've seen lots of positive things here as well - but it's hard to keep seeing the beauty when you're seeing so much ugly.
It's possible that I'm just burned out - on people, on heat, humidity and the lack of elevation - the constant barrage of mosquitoes, the oil spill, the days upon days without a break of silence and time for myself.
I went to the beach last night with Wyatt. Just me and him - we took a blanket and a frisbee and went to watch the sun dip into the water. It was pretty and as the light waned and the temperature dropped I found a brief moment of quiet as Wyatt was happily playing in the sand and I wrote in my journal in the first time in forever. We were almost alone on the beach - there was a couple probably several hundred feet away. And then a large family came down the beach access and plopped their stuff just feet away from me. I mean they had the whole beach - why did they have to interrupt my little bit of solitude? When the woman started taking pictures (it was dark out!) with her larger than life flash - I found myself increasingly irritated as the night sky was lit up over and over by something that was no act of nature. We packed up and left.
So where does all this leave me? I'm not sure. The kids and I are packing up and heading to the mountains in TN in a week or two (once maddie's arm is healed). Mike can't come because he's trying to recap lost fishing money now that snapper season is open on the weekends.
I had a small meltdown last night when I told him I thought I needed a break and wanted to take a trip by myself somewhere in November. I'm debating between going to MT or Seattle where my good friend lives. I'm leaning towards Seattle because she's a kindred spirit and she gets what my issues are! She understands completely and it would be great to spend some time with her (and meet her newest little one).
The mountains call to my soul and I've been burying their song in the depths of my heart for too long. It's like a siren call - I need to go.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
scattered thoughts.
I haven't written in months because I'm not quite sure how to get all the thoughts from my mind to come out in a clear and coherent manner.
Over the years I've really tried hard to be an optimist - to see the good in things and people. I've given second, third and even fourth chances only to be let down continually. All in the name of being optimistic.
Well these days I'm forced to be a realist - and unfortunately that means that I have to consider the negatives and weigh them carefully.
We're just one family affected by the oil crisis in the Gulf - but it's going to change our lives and I can't quite wrap my head around it all just yet.
We're forced to consider our options and they aren't very pretty if we're talking about where we are at the moment.
Now where's my bottle of xanex?
Over the years I've really tried hard to be an optimist - to see the good in things and people. I've given second, third and even fourth chances only to be let down continually. All in the name of being optimistic.
Well these days I'm forced to be a realist - and unfortunately that means that I have to consider the negatives and weigh them carefully.
We're just one family affected by the oil crisis in the Gulf - but it's going to change our lives and I can't quite wrap my head around it all just yet.
We're forced to consider our options and they aren't very pretty if we're talking about where we are at the moment.
Now where's my bottle of xanex?
Monday, April 5, 2010
A girl and her Garden
There are few places in my life where I feel organized and in control. The constant ebb and flow and ins and outs of life with two very active preschoolers and a dog who is acting more and more like a teenager every day - creates a state of constant chaos inside the house and often in the yard as well.
There is, however, a space that is mine and mine alone (ok, maybe the squirrels can still get in).
A green fence outlines the perimeter of my garden sanctuary - keeping children, chickens and the dog out. It's an invitation-only kind of place - as there is no gate and a child must be lifted over to enter into my space. Every morning before my children wake and before the sun blazes overhead - I wander out to the garden in my pajamas and work a little here and there - there is always something that needs to be done.
I find satisfaction in the neat rows and grids in the different garden beds - five in all now. I find peace and harmony as I sow seeds, pull weeks and lovingly hand water each seedling and plant.
My garden doesn't talk back - tell me it's mad at me or that it wants candy for every meal of the day.
In the time it is now - spring-almost-summer, the bugs are not waging war just yet and I can see the daily progress of my plants growth as the pea shoots are starting to grab the fencing and I'm hoping to see seedlings emerge around the teepee trellis I built.
One of the things I love about the garden is that it's mostly all my work. Mike helped me build three of the beds and fill them with soil - but since then it's been my work and one of my personal glories.
Radishes, broccoli, tomatoes, peppers, sage, peppermints, basils, tarragon, lettuces, spinach, bee balm, carrots, cabbage, onions, shallots, peas, potatoes, asparagus, fennel, and many types of flowers - all are found growing in my garden.
Pictures will come eventually - but it's better seen in person.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Ten on Tuesday
I've recently reconnected with my past Speech and Debate Coach Elizabeth Dillow (from Great Falls High School). She keeps a pretty neat blog and one thing I really like about it is she does this list every Tuesday - called "Ten on Tuesday." She lists 10 things about the week, her family, etc - maybe includes a picture of her girls and posts it.
Many of my dedicated readers know that I've been struggling for the past year (ok 2) in my writing. Lots of excuses reasons that are really good bad mostly. So I'm adopting Elizabeth's 10 on Tuesday and making it my own to see if I can at least once a week post a list of 10 things going on in our life.
So here goes!
1. It's Spring Break for Maddie's preschool and we're trying to pack as much into our week as possible. Yesterday we knocked a bunch of stuff off our my to-do list. We paid our property taxes (OUCH!) and then had lunch at Hungry Howie's with my mom. We saw the chiropractor then came home so I could make dinner. I made some rocking shallot and rosemary focaccia with oven roasted sweet and white potatoes along with some country fried venison backstrap.
2. Wyatt is challenging me in ways that I don't think I experienced with Maddie. He has completely weaned (sob!) and since then has turned into a holy terror who tantrums, screams, yells at me and generally makes my days miserable off and on until he collapses in exhaustion. Everything is a battle suddenly and even the most simple thing is causing tantrums. He's challenging my gentle discipline philosophies like they've never been challenged before!
3. Mike and I harvested a truckload of FREE bamboo from my Felicia's backyard. This morning I built my first teepee trellis for beans this summer and I'm quite proud of myself! It's beautiful and everything was free or found growing in my backyard (saplings). I can't wait to see it covered with beautiful beans and peas - maybe a cucumber too.
4. Fishing season is starting and it looks like I won't see much of my husband this summer. That's good and bad - good for extra money, but bad because it always puts a strain on family life when Daddy is gone so much. We're trying to squeeze in as much fun as a family on weekends and nights as we can before he's working every weekend.
5. Getting a dog was a mistake. Apollo is a nice dog, but he's still a puppy and obedience training only goes so far when you don't have time to enforce it every second of the day. He steals toys and food, still gets up on the counters at times and I just don't understand the need to sit in the backyard and bark for hours - you'd think he'd lose his voice!
6. Wyatt and I found a worm this morning and put him in a jar with some compost and fruit scraps. He's enjoying watching it tunnel around the glass jar.
7. My garden is starting to take shape! The peas are up a few inches tall now and the potatoes are peeking out of the soil. I have two asparagus spears up and can't wait until next year when I can actually harvest them! I should probably plant more soon. My tomato plants have flowers and i'm hoping to see some tomato seeds sprout soon (i had to start over). I have volunteer potato plants in the backyard where the old compost pile was and I'm excited to say there are some baby potatoes on them! I can't wait to have new potatoes!
8. For the first time in 5 years my bed is not on the floor. I'm sick of our bedroom being the family dumping grounds and this weekend we cleaned it out and made it look halfway nice.
9. I'm taking the kids to see How to Train Your Dragon this afternoon and I think I'm as excited to see it as they are.
10. I love the Spring. I actually like getting up early before the kids are up - sitting at the table drinking my tea or coffee and listening to the birds sing. I built that trellis this morning before Maddie was ever even awake! I dread the coming heat and humidity of summer. For now I love being able to leave the doors and windows open.
Many of my dedicated readers know that I've been struggling for the past year (ok 2) in my writing. Lots of excuses reasons that are really good bad mostly. So I'm adopting Elizabeth's 10 on Tuesday and making it my own to see if I can at least once a week post a list of 10 things going on in our life.
So here goes!
1. It's Spring Break for Maddie's preschool and we're trying to pack as much into our week as possible. Yesterday we knocked a bunch of stuff off our my to-do list. We paid our property taxes (OUCH!) and then had lunch at Hungry Howie's with my mom. We saw the chiropractor then came home so I could make dinner. I made some rocking shallot and rosemary focaccia with oven roasted sweet and white potatoes along with some country fried venison backstrap.
2. Wyatt is challenging me in ways that I don't think I experienced with Maddie. He has completely weaned (sob!) and since then has turned into a holy terror who tantrums, screams, yells at me and generally makes my days miserable off and on until he collapses in exhaustion. Everything is a battle suddenly and even the most simple thing is causing tantrums. He's challenging my gentle discipline philosophies like they've never been challenged before!
3. Mike and I harvested a truckload of FREE bamboo from my Felicia's backyard. This morning I built my first teepee trellis for beans this summer and I'm quite proud of myself! It's beautiful and everything was free or found growing in my backyard (saplings). I can't wait to see it covered with beautiful beans and peas - maybe a cucumber too.
4. Fishing season is starting and it looks like I won't see much of my husband this summer. That's good and bad - good for extra money, but bad because it always puts a strain on family life when Daddy is gone so much. We're trying to squeeze in as much fun as a family on weekends and nights as we can before he's working every weekend.
5. Getting a dog was a mistake. Apollo is a nice dog, but he's still a puppy and obedience training only goes so far when you don't have time to enforce it every second of the day. He steals toys and food, still gets up on the counters at times and I just don't understand the need to sit in the backyard and bark for hours - you'd think he'd lose his voice!
6. Wyatt and I found a worm this morning and put him in a jar with some compost and fruit scraps. He's enjoying watching it tunnel around the glass jar.
7. My garden is starting to take shape! The peas are up a few inches tall now and the potatoes are peeking out of the soil. I have two asparagus spears up and can't wait until next year when I can actually harvest them! I should probably plant more soon. My tomato plants have flowers and i'm hoping to see some tomato seeds sprout soon (i had to start over). I have volunteer potato plants in the backyard where the old compost pile was and I'm excited to say there are some baby potatoes on them! I can't wait to have new potatoes!
8. For the first time in 5 years my bed is not on the floor. I'm sick of our bedroom being the family dumping grounds and this weekend we cleaned it out and made it look halfway nice.
9. I'm taking the kids to see How to Train Your Dragon this afternoon and I think I'm as excited to see it as they are.
10. I love the Spring. I actually like getting up early before the kids are up - sitting at the table drinking my tea or coffee and listening to the birds sing. I built that trellis this morning before Maddie was ever even awake! I dread the coming heat and humidity of summer. For now I love being able to leave the doors and windows open.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Homeschooling moments
Education doesn't just start in the formal school age years - it's something that is ongoing from birth. Or at least that is my philosophy. Our decision to homeschool wasn't something that came easily or without much heated discussion at times. However now that we're all on the same page - the only burden that remains is choosing which curriculum we're going to use next year.
Until then I'm just improvising with little lessons for both of them. We've been working hard on phonics and sight words and I'm ecstatic to say that Maddie is reading simple sentences! I bought her these little books (similar to BOB books) at Toy Magic and last night we sat down and she read them both to me with very little help. I'm so proud of her!
I took these pictures a few weeks ago - Maddie was asking about the number 100 so we counted out 10 groups of 10 beans and counted by 10's and 1's all the way to 100. She also practiced writing her numbers.
Who says homeschooling has to happen at a certain time of day or for a certain amount of time? I took these pictures one night last week. Wyatt took a late nap that day and was wired still by later in the evening. I think I was cleaning the kitchen and turned around to see that he'd dragged his chair and the little folding table into the kitchen. He was sitting there looking so cute - and then he said - "I want to do school!"
Even at 10 p.m. I was thrilled that he wanted to learn! I bought him a Do a Dot activity book called Play and Learn at Toy Magic in FWB and this was the perfect opportunity to do it without Maddie wanting to do it, too.
I haven't worked with him much honestly - but he's definitely learning from his sister! He can count to 10 and knows many of the numbers to 20, just not in the right order. We're just starting letter names and sounds and I'm going to do them phonetically instead of the straight names.
I had to make him stop after doing six letters - he would have kept going I think! It was late and I was tired! We'll work on writing letters some other time. I don't think he's ready just yet.
Seaside Farmer's Market Finds
After a tip from some friends that there was a Farmer's Market in Seaside, I loaded up the kids and Mike and drove out there Saturday to see what I might find. I mainly wanted to go because the Ocheesee Dairy sells their milk there - but seeing that our own Farmer's Market in FWB is a far cry from a real one - I've been searching for a good alternative for months. I'm always concerned about the quality of food - we typically only eat organic produce, we have our own eggs from our chickens and drink organic milk as well. Just recently I've found a source for local chicken and we'll be switching over to grass-fed, grass finished beef and pork soon as well - since I've found a source for that finally.
Like I said - I've been disappointed in the market options closer to my house - The "farmer's" at the FWB market are ones who mostly buy and resell produce. With this situation they cannot tell me whether the farmer sprayed the veggies or ground, etc. They can only guess and they'll tell you anything they think you might want to hear!
All in all - seeing that it is March and the growing season has been incredibly short-changed by our really cold winter - it was a great little market. The kids had fun at the 4-H table where they made crafts and ate cookies.
Things I purchased:
Tomato and Onion Fococcia $5
10-grain Artisan Bread $3.75
Cowboy cookies $5... This bag is obviously empty. They were some
of the best chocolate chip cookies I've ever had! The neat thing about them
was that the baker incorporated ingredients from other vendors
who were at the market (butter and eggs).
1/2 gallon pasteurized milk from the Ocheesee Creamery.
$5 for the milk, $3 deposit for the bottle.
A little pricey - yes, but man you should taste it!
There was a farmer selling early spring produce, but my fridge was already full of produce - I'm excited to see what other produce shows up as the growing season kicks into full swing.
The other neat find was Twin Oaks Farm - I met the owner Renee. She's a very sweet, passionate lady - raising certified organic chickens and ducks - both for meat and eggs. She's located in Bonifay. I'm excited to see her business grow!
Being that I love Seaside - the atmosphere is just so calm and relaxing - I think we'll be heading out there frequently this spring and summer.
If you're in the local area - I hope you'll do the same!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
The path to a more simple life - time to be just a mom
God's voice has never been something that I hear on a regular basis. I admit that discerning when it's a God-thing and when it's a me-thing is sometimes difficult at best. However over the past few months I've had this nagging feeling that I should go back to just being a mom.
Where does this drive come from to do all the things I do - anyways? There's a certain feeling of inadequacy that creeps in at times to tell me I'm not doing enough and I can do more. When people ask me what I do I admit to feeling inadequate when I answer that I'm just a mom. So I've filled my life with responsibilities and obligations: Lactation counseling, teaching breastfeeding classes, attending homebirths, trying to work some in the midwife's office, planning teas at church, leading LLL meetings and taking on the position of AAPL with the LLL area of FL and the English speaking Islands. This is in addition to my desire to homeschool my children, keep a garden growing, care for chickens, cats and a dog - on top of trying to cook from scratch, eat organic produce and healthy meats - all the while dreaming of living a more simple and sustainable life!
And then there are times when I sit and seriously contemplate all those things I accomplish as "just a mom." My daughter is learning how to read, my son is learning how to be a sweet little boy. My kids are learning how to garden and care for animals, they play well together. I'm teaching Maddie how to play the piano - we're learning simple French phrases and words. Sometimes I want to just sit and marvel at the wonderful little people we're raising - I should do this more often because it encourages me in my mothering.
I can't tell you how many times lately I've told them "not right now" or "just a minute" because I was too busy reading an email, talking on the phone or doing something online that just HAD to be addressed at that minute and my children were put on the back burner.
That makes me feel like a terrible person. Especially when I call my child and they tell me "just a minute" or "not right now."
So I want to start saying "yes - i have time for you" instead of constantly sending them the message that they aren't as important as whatever I'm doing at that moment.
The past few weeks have been a hard wake-up call for Mike and I on not just the state of our own marriage, but the state of several of our friends' marriages. Just in our circle there are 4 families either divorcing or quickly heading that way. Every situation is different, but still serious issues that seem to be irreconcilable. Seeing what this is doing to their families and to their children is so hard to watch and after we recently renewed our wedding vows we promised each other that this would not happen to us. Let's face it - the odds for marriage just aren't that great and it takes a lot of hard work to keep things rolling, especially when you have young kids.
Sometimes I need to remind myself that I just don't have to or need to work. I'm one of the very lucky ones who can be a stay-at-home-mom with no regrets and I should embrace that fully. I just wish that I didn't feel like I always have to be doing something else to make it count for myself. Being a mom should just be enough. After all I am contributing to the future of society in raising responsible, loving and compassionate children, right?
Of course making this decision means that I'm going to have to ultimately let some people down - mostly the people I work with in homebirth. While I love being at the births and find it incredibly empowering and healing - I find that I don't like being away from my children or husband. I miss them terribly and worry a lot while I'm away from them. Part of me feels like this is still something I've been called to do, but that maybe right now just isn't the right time. My children need ME now - not anyone else. There will be many more homebirths years down the road when my children are older and don't depend on me nearly as much as they do now. I know some people with young children who are in similar lines of work and have no problems leaving their children - but I'm just not comfortable with doing it when they are so young and impressionable. I can only find peace knowing that I'm making the best decision for myself and my family.
One other reason I've come to this realization is that Maddie will be homeschooled starting next Fall and I know I will need to focus completely on homeschooling in the beginning. It will take us a while to get into a rhythm with our schooling and I want that to be a high priority as she starts her "formal" education. We are planning several trips as well and I want the freedom and flexibility to turn these trips into educational experiences.
Michael is fully supportive of this I might add - he wants me to cut all my obligations and just focus on raising our kids and enjoying our family. He says that things that cause me so much stress aren't worth it and ultimately he's correct. He's been asking me to do this for a while and honestly it's time I honored my husband and just stayed home (well not all the time - I do need to go to the grocery store at times!)
So my days of a more simple life are upon me. I am continuing as a LLL leader and the AAPL for Florida and ESI. I will still be the organizer for the Barbara Harper Waterbirth Training in May and then I'm free! I'm going to practice saying NO more often and just enjoy life with my two brilliant kids who want me to teach them everything about life and more.
We're so happy that Spring is here - our garden is starting to thrive again and seeds will start poking their heads out soon.
Travels will take us to Central Florida in May for the FL and ESI Leader's retreat for LLL. The kids and I are heading to Indiana in April for a wedding and some exploring up there during the spring. Maddie graduates from preschool in June (I just can't believe it!).
Life is really wonderful these days. I love my kids and husband - my chickens and garden. I've found good organic produce and dry goods through the local buying club and will start getting fresh milk products in 2 weeks, too! Next on my list is to buy either a half or quarter of a cow that is grassfed/finished and to pick up the chicken (meat) from a local kid who is raising them to sell. I also think a trip to Pensacola is soon on the schedule - time to go to Ever'mans and play at some of the parks there in town, too.
Beach days are fastly approaching as well - I better get them in before it gets so hot!
Where does this drive come from to do all the things I do - anyways? There's a certain feeling of inadequacy that creeps in at times to tell me I'm not doing enough and I can do more. When people ask me what I do I admit to feeling inadequate when I answer that I'm just a mom. So I've filled my life with responsibilities and obligations: Lactation counseling, teaching breastfeeding classes, attending homebirths, trying to work some in the midwife's office, planning teas at church, leading LLL meetings and taking on the position of AAPL with the LLL area of FL and the English speaking Islands. This is in addition to my desire to homeschool my children, keep a garden growing, care for chickens, cats and a dog - on top of trying to cook from scratch, eat organic produce and healthy meats - all the while dreaming of living a more simple and sustainable life!
And then there are times when I sit and seriously contemplate all those things I accomplish as "just a mom." My daughter is learning how to read, my son is learning how to be a sweet little boy. My kids are learning how to garden and care for animals, they play well together. I'm teaching Maddie how to play the piano - we're learning simple French phrases and words. Sometimes I want to just sit and marvel at the wonderful little people we're raising - I should do this more often because it encourages me in my mothering.
I can't tell you how many times lately I've told them "not right now" or "just a minute" because I was too busy reading an email, talking on the phone or doing something online that just HAD to be addressed at that minute and my children were put on the back burner.
That makes me feel like a terrible person. Especially when I call my child and they tell me "just a minute" or "not right now."
So I want to start saying "yes - i have time for you" instead of constantly sending them the message that they aren't as important as whatever I'm doing at that moment.
The past few weeks have been a hard wake-up call for Mike and I on not just the state of our own marriage, but the state of several of our friends' marriages. Just in our circle there are 4 families either divorcing or quickly heading that way. Every situation is different, but still serious issues that seem to be irreconcilable. Seeing what this is doing to their families and to their children is so hard to watch and after we recently renewed our wedding vows we promised each other that this would not happen to us. Let's face it - the odds for marriage just aren't that great and it takes a lot of hard work to keep things rolling, especially when you have young kids.
Sometimes I need to remind myself that I just don't have to or need to work. I'm one of the very lucky ones who can be a stay-at-home-mom with no regrets and I should embrace that fully. I just wish that I didn't feel like I always have to be doing something else to make it count for myself. Being a mom should just be enough. After all I am contributing to the future of society in raising responsible, loving and compassionate children, right?
Of course making this decision means that I'm going to have to ultimately let some people down - mostly the people I work with in homebirth. While I love being at the births and find it incredibly empowering and healing - I find that I don't like being away from my children or husband. I miss them terribly and worry a lot while I'm away from them. Part of me feels like this is still something I've been called to do, but that maybe right now just isn't the right time. My children need ME now - not anyone else. There will be many more homebirths years down the road when my children are older and don't depend on me nearly as much as they do now. I know some people with young children who are in similar lines of work and have no problems leaving their children - but I'm just not comfortable with doing it when they are so young and impressionable. I can only find peace knowing that I'm making the best decision for myself and my family.
One other reason I've come to this realization is that Maddie will be homeschooled starting next Fall and I know I will need to focus completely on homeschooling in the beginning. It will take us a while to get into a rhythm with our schooling and I want that to be a high priority as she starts her "formal" education. We are planning several trips as well and I want the freedom and flexibility to turn these trips into educational experiences.
Michael is fully supportive of this I might add - he wants me to cut all my obligations and just focus on raising our kids and enjoying our family. He says that things that cause me so much stress aren't worth it and ultimately he's correct. He's been asking me to do this for a while and honestly it's time I honored my husband and just stayed home (well not all the time - I do need to go to the grocery store at times!)
So my days of a more simple life are upon me. I am continuing as a LLL leader and the AAPL for Florida and ESI. I will still be the organizer for the Barbara Harper Waterbirth Training in May and then I'm free! I'm going to practice saying NO more often and just enjoy life with my two brilliant kids who want me to teach them everything about life and more.
We're so happy that Spring is here - our garden is starting to thrive again and seeds will start poking their heads out soon.
Travels will take us to Central Florida in May for the FL and ESI Leader's retreat for LLL. The kids and I are heading to Indiana in April for a wedding and some exploring up there during the spring. Maddie graduates from preschool in June (I just can't believe it!).
Life is really wonderful these days. I love my kids and husband - my chickens and garden. I've found good organic produce and dry goods through the local buying club and will start getting fresh milk products in 2 weeks, too! Next on my list is to buy either a half or quarter of a cow that is grassfed/finished and to pick up the chicken (meat) from a local kid who is raising them to sell. I also think a trip to Pensacola is soon on the schedule - time to go to Ever'mans and play at some of the parks there in town, too.
Beach days are fastly approaching as well - I better get them in before it gets so hot!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
daddy's leaving again...
is it bad that Maddie's first response to me telling her that daddy is leaving for a few days is this?:
"Ooooh I get to sleep in your bed!"
"Ooooh I get to sleep in your bed!"
pneumonia
Normally healthy - our family has been hit hard with sickness the last few weeks. The kids had nasty colds a few weeks ago and Wyatt started with a wet but productive cough. He also had styes on his eyes - hence the three visits to the dr. last month because eyes aren't something that can be fixed by chiropractic care!
Last Wednesday he ended up back at the dr. because he had 2 more styes on the other eye and I just wasn't happy with them spreading from one eye to the other. Dr. Justice (love him!) prescribed some drops for his eyes and thankfully they're (slowly) getting better.
We switched to Dr. Justice last year and I really like him a lot. He's great with Wyatt and really on the ball. My only "complaint" is that he's family practice and doesn't see a lot of young pediatric patients and hence isn't in the habit of checking ears and listening to breathing each visit just because... If he was then maybe I would have been saved another $35 co-pay (man do those add up!).
So the same day that Wyatt went for his eye - he started coughing again and this time it sounded different. I don't really know how to describe it - but I just knew that something was wrong. Because I'm the watch and see kind of parent I monitored it over the next few days and by Sunday I knew it was something that needed to be discussed with the dr. I called first thing monday morning only to wait 5 hours for a return call to tell me they had no openings for him that day.
We took an appointment at 11:15 this morning instead.
It was hard getting him up and moving this morning - he kept telling me that he wanted to go back to sleep. By the time we dropped Maddie off to school (late) he was looking pretty tired. We went to Cafe Liquid and he just wasn't himself - didn't want to leave my lap and was acting quite lethargic.
We got to the dr. and I told his nurse that I really feared that Wyatt had pneumonia and I was right unfortunately.
He's on azythromyacin for 5 days and we go back next tuesday to see if he's better. I really hope my little guy gets better soon - I hate seeing him so sick!
Last Wednesday he ended up back at the dr. because he had 2 more styes on the other eye and I just wasn't happy with them spreading from one eye to the other. Dr. Justice (love him!) prescribed some drops for his eyes and thankfully they're (slowly) getting better.
We switched to Dr. Justice last year and I really like him a lot. He's great with Wyatt and really on the ball. My only "complaint" is that he's family practice and doesn't see a lot of young pediatric patients and hence isn't in the habit of checking ears and listening to breathing each visit just because... If he was then maybe I would have been saved another $35 co-pay (man do those add up!).
So the same day that Wyatt went for his eye - he started coughing again and this time it sounded different. I don't really know how to describe it - but I just knew that something was wrong. Because I'm the watch and see kind of parent I monitored it over the next few days and by Sunday I knew it was something that needed to be discussed with the dr. I called first thing monday morning only to wait 5 hours for a return call to tell me they had no openings for him that day.
We took an appointment at 11:15 this morning instead.
It was hard getting him up and moving this morning - he kept telling me that he wanted to go back to sleep. By the time we dropped Maddie off to school (late) he was looking pretty tired. We went to Cafe Liquid and he just wasn't himself - didn't want to leave my lap and was acting quite lethargic.
We got to the dr. and I told his nurse that I really feared that Wyatt had pneumonia and I was right unfortunately.
He's on azythromyacin for 5 days and we go back next tuesday to see if he's better. I really hope my little guy gets better soon - I hate seeing him so sick!
Monday, March 1, 2010
sunshine at last
I have to start by saying that this has been the coldest, wettest winter I've experienced in my 10 years on the Gulf Coast of Florida. Generally our winters are fairly mild with a few days below freezing. This year, however we've had weeks below freezing with a small break in the temperature only to return to below freezing yet again.
From a gardeners standpoint it's been incredibly depressing and from the standpoint of a mother with rambunctious children - it's been equally depressing!
So today with the sun shining fiercely and the temperature in the upper 60s if not lower 70s my young family and I ventured outside for some much needed vitamin D therapy!
We I started out the morning by weeding and de-rooting the front garden where we I intend to plant Maddie's birthday garden. As I turned the soil, incorporating the decaying mulch and the compost I purchased recently - visions of all the veggies I will add to her flower bed spurred me on. After about 2 hours of hard work the bed is just about ready to receive flowers and bulbs and some seeds as well.
While I labored in the dirt Maddie and Wyatt laid out blankets and towels in the yard and did some sunbathing. They played a few games and slowly the amount of "stuff" that accumulated became ridiculous!
The mailman was welcomed by Apollo who tried to sound impressive, but his wagging tail gave him away. Moments later the day's mail lay strewn across the yard and at one point when we were all taking a break a small whirling dirvish appeared and contributed to the craziness.
The sun felt so good - I think I had forgotten how nice it felt to be warmed by the sun!
As the weed pile grew and the flower bed looked nicer I noticed a discombobulated looking toad who I'd no doubt roused from hibernation in the dirt. She (he?) was promptly named princess and subjected to all the niceties due to princess toads. Maddie and Wyatt carried it around until I decided it was looking dehydrated and then they proceeded to submerge the poor thing in a bowl of freezing water. She woke up and hopped out of the bowl -only to be placed back into it time and time again. I finally declared that it was time for her to go back to the garden and buried her to save her!
It's been a nice morning - other than thinking a hawk had carried off cocoa (she eventually rematerialized from under the storage building).
I'm trying to start living more simply again - and focusing more on writing and loving on my kids. All the rest can wait -my kids need me more!
From a gardeners standpoint it's been incredibly depressing and from the standpoint of a mother with rambunctious children - it's been equally depressing!
So today with the sun shining fiercely and the temperature in the upper 60s if not lower 70s my young family and I ventured outside for some much needed vitamin D therapy!
We I started out the morning by weeding and de-rooting the front garden where we I intend to plant Maddie's birthday garden. As I turned the soil, incorporating the decaying mulch and the compost I purchased recently - visions of all the veggies I will add to her flower bed spurred me on. After about 2 hours of hard work the bed is just about ready to receive flowers and bulbs and some seeds as well.
While I labored in the dirt Maddie and Wyatt laid out blankets and towels in the yard and did some sunbathing. They played a few games and slowly the amount of "stuff" that accumulated became ridiculous!
The mailman was welcomed by Apollo who tried to sound impressive, but his wagging tail gave him away. Moments later the day's mail lay strewn across the yard and at one point when we were all taking a break a small whirling dirvish appeared and contributed to the craziness.
The sun felt so good - I think I had forgotten how nice it felt to be warmed by the sun!
As the weed pile grew and the flower bed looked nicer I noticed a discombobulated looking toad who I'd no doubt roused from hibernation in the dirt. She (he?) was promptly named princess and subjected to all the niceties due to princess toads. Maddie and Wyatt carried it around until I decided it was looking dehydrated and then they proceeded to submerge the poor thing in a bowl of freezing water. She woke up and hopped out of the bowl -only to be placed back into it time and time again. I finally declared that it was time for her to go back to the garden and buried her to save her!
It's been a nice morning - other than thinking a hawk had carried off cocoa (she eventually rematerialized from under the storage building).
I'm trying to start living more simply again - and focusing more on writing and loving on my kids. All the rest can wait -my kids need me more!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
writer's lament
It's late and I'm tired, but seeing that technology has yet to develop a usb port that plugs into a mom's head and downloads all those thoughts and moments worth recording (and ones not worth it) - I'm forcing myself to sit and write for a few minutes before I spontaneously combust from lack of writing recently.
If you aren't a writer you probably don't get it.
When I'm not writing - I'm depressed, anxious, grouchy and not a lot of fun to be around mostly. I fake it pretty well - but I always get to the point where I have to write or I'm going to explode. Mostly I write (or want to write) about the little things that happen in my day-to-day life. Sometimes I write to complain, or decompress or as a means of therapy. Those blogs typically don't show up here, though - they're too incriminating! I keep those private for the most part - a few (and I mean like two) people have access to those thoughts, but I hardly ever write there these days so they've moved on to other more consistent blogging friends who don't leave them hanging for weeks, months at a time.
Seeing that I haven't written in weeks really - I'm a mess.
Tonight I blew up at my husband for sending Wyatt to me to wipe off a booger. Why was this such a big deal you might ask? Surely a mother knows that part of her job description reads "must wipe boogers."
Well I'll tell you why - I was in the bathroom! I was having a few minutes to myself for the first time in the day and the last thing I wanted to do was lean across the room to open the door and wipe a disgusting booger off my son's finger!
I would say that most dads just don't know what it's like to never use the bathroom without an audience. Whether it's communal peeing (Wyatt still prefers the little potty) or conversations that just CAN'T wait until I get out - I honestly lose track of all the excuses. I tend not to lock the door because the screaming and banging is worse than the reason they needed to interrupt me in the first place.
So there I was sitting for a few moments, leafing through my brand new copy of Mother Earth News and I was offended as I listened to my husband tell my son to not only show me his booger (which he did and I told him it was gross and closed the door) - but to go back to mommy and ask her to wipe it off his finger! GRRRRR
I promise you if I'd have pulled the same prank on him if HE was on the toilet he would have been pissed! But was it ok for me to be offended and get upset? No!
In my fit of rage, upset I yelled at him and demanded if it was too much to ask to have 5 minutes uninterrupted to sit on the toilet BY MYSELF and not have to wipe boogers, answer questions, console hurt feelings, etc. I just wanted a few minutes to myself for crying out loud.
His response was not nice as he yelled at me to just leave since all I had been complaining about all day was that I needed some time away.
So this is how I get back to my writer's angst.
I had waited patiently all week for Sunday to come. Mike worked all day (and I mean ALL day yesterday). He left somewhere between 8 a.m. and 9 a.m. and returned home at MIDNIGHT. He worked late several nights last week and I was hanging by a thin thread by this morning - I just needed some time by myself - a cup of coffee and free WIFI and a table and chair to sit in - so I could write and decompress. I needed these moments so I could return home refreshed and be a better mommy and wife.
So today dawned and Mike talked about wanting to go to Destin to see clients and the earlier the better. It still took us a good 2 hours to get out of the house and by the time we got to Destin with the kids and dog it was close to 1 p.m. and I wistfully considered that I would have been on my own if our day had gone the way I'd planned.
We had a nice lunch at Harry T's. We saw dolphins in the pass, the dog sat nicely, slept, drove us nuts because he couldn't sit still. My food was wonderful, tasty, hot, cold and not very good. I will never again order the tenderloin benedict - it was terrible! After the almost hour it took to get our food we ate and walked back to the truck in the rain...
The clients weren't at the boat although we were able to visit with a good friend of theirs.
We went to home depot where despite my husband's help, lack of help I managed to pick out lumber, get it cut, pick out plants and compost, etc - with both of my kids running around and wyatt throwing a terrible tantrum as I was checking out and the cashier putting the compost trash can on top of my broccoli plants and breaking half of them. Where was Mike? He was in the truck with the dog - because he didn't want to leave him alone in the truck.
Following the tantrum, I pushed my cart at Mike- who I had called while checking out - to bring the truck up to the door... I carried my screaming 3 year old on my hip as I went back and got non-broken broccoli plants and took them back to the truck - then walked all the way across the store to the bathroom where I helped both of them use the bathroom and then got a soda in the self checkout line and then we went home.
I took my frustrations out on my garden - wrestling the wooden pieces into a grid for my new square-foot garden bed - I pounded the nails into the timbers and ended up with 28, 1 ft squares. I planted some of the plants I purchased and interrupted my gardening to go put a diaper on wyatt because Mike was ignoring him when he was on the phone and I had asked Wyatt to ask him daddy to help since I was elbow deep in dirt and fish emulsion.
But mommy saved the day and quickly washed her hands and got the diaper on before there was an accident (more on potty training struggles later) - changed the diaper and finished the grid - all before the booger-toilet incident.
Actually I forgot - before the toilet incident Maddie caught a frisbee point blank in the face (nose I think) and had a meltdown and then Wyatt started crying when I talked to him about not throwing the frisbee at his sister's head. We all piled into my bed to turn on a movie and calm down and Mike promptly fell asleep - at 6 p.m.!
I guess in a way I'm jealous because I never get to just fall asleep like that - the kids would never allow it. They'd be crawling on me or crying or whining or banging on the door. And I'm a little resentful that my husband fell asleep during our family movie moment and got an hour nap (would have been longer if i hadn't turned on the lights and demanded he get up and help me!).
Ok- so I know this post is whiney and negative - but I've had a crappy day and I set out to do some writing and this is just what came out.
yes - i know that I have A LOT to be thankful for - and I'm most thankful that I have two wonderful kids who drive me crazy and a husband who puts up with my moods and emotional outbursts. We're healthy and happy most of the time and have family who loves us a whole lot and then some.
Sometimes you just need to vent!
If you aren't a writer you probably don't get it.
When I'm not writing - I'm depressed, anxious, grouchy and not a lot of fun to be around mostly. I fake it pretty well - but I always get to the point where I have to write or I'm going to explode. Mostly I write (or want to write) about the little things that happen in my day-to-day life. Sometimes I write to complain, or decompress or as a means of therapy. Those blogs typically don't show up here, though - they're too incriminating! I keep those private for the most part - a few (and I mean like two) people have access to those thoughts, but I hardly ever write there these days so they've moved on to other more consistent blogging friends who don't leave them hanging for weeks, months at a time.
Seeing that I haven't written in weeks really - I'm a mess.
Tonight I blew up at my husband for sending Wyatt to me to wipe off a booger. Why was this such a big deal you might ask? Surely a mother knows that part of her job description reads "must wipe boogers."
Well I'll tell you why - I was in the bathroom! I was having a few minutes to myself for the first time in the day and the last thing I wanted to do was lean across the room to open the door and wipe a disgusting booger off my son's finger!
I would say that most dads just don't know what it's like to never use the bathroom without an audience. Whether it's communal peeing (Wyatt still prefers the little potty) or conversations that just CAN'T wait until I get out - I honestly lose track of all the excuses. I tend not to lock the door because the screaming and banging is worse than the reason they needed to interrupt me in the first place.
So there I was sitting for a few moments, leafing through my brand new copy of Mother Earth News and I was offended as I listened to my husband tell my son to not only show me his booger (which he did and I told him it was gross and closed the door) - but to go back to mommy and ask her to wipe it off his finger! GRRRRR
I promise you if I'd have pulled the same prank on him if HE was on the toilet he would have been pissed! But was it ok for me to be offended and get upset? No!
In my fit of rage, upset I yelled at him and demanded if it was too much to ask to have 5 minutes uninterrupted to sit on the toilet BY MYSELF and not have to wipe boogers, answer questions, console hurt feelings, etc. I just wanted a few minutes to myself for crying out loud.
His response was not nice as he yelled at me to just leave since all I had been complaining about all day was that I needed some time away.
So this is how I get back to my writer's angst.
I had waited patiently all week for Sunday to come. Mike worked all day (and I mean ALL day yesterday). He left somewhere between 8 a.m. and 9 a.m. and returned home at MIDNIGHT. He worked late several nights last week and I was hanging by a thin thread by this morning - I just needed some time by myself - a cup of coffee and free WIFI and a table and chair to sit in - so I could write and decompress. I needed these moments so I could return home refreshed and be a better mommy and wife.
So today dawned and Mike talked about wanting to go to Destin to see clients and the earlier the better. It still took us a good 2 hours to get out of the house and by the time we got to Destin with the kids and dog it was close to 1 p.m. and I wistfully considered that I would have been on my own if our day had gone the way I'd planned.
We had a nice lunch at Harry T's. We saw dolphins in the pass, the dog sat nicely, slept, drove us nuts because he couldn't sit still. My food was wonderful, tasty, hot, cold and not very good. I will never again order the tenderloin benedict - it was terrible! After the almost hour it took to get our food we ate and walked back to the truck in the rain...
The clients weren't at the boat although we were able to visit with a good friend of theirs.
We went to home depot where despite my husband's help, lack of help I managed to pick out lumber, get it cut, pick out plants and compost, etc - with both of my kids running around and wyatt throwing a terrible tantrum as I was checking out and the cashier putting the compost trash can on top of my broccoli plants and breaking half of them. Where was Mike? He was in the truck with the dog - because he didn't want to leave him alone in the truck.
Following the tantrum, I pushed my cart at Mike- who I had called while checking out - to bring the truck up to the door... I carried my screaming 3 year old on my hip as I went back and got non-broken broccoli plants and took them back to the truck - then walked all the way across the store to the bathroom where I helped both of them use the bathroom and then got a soda in the self checkout line and then we went home.
I took my frustrations out on my garden - wrestling the wooden pieces into a grid for my new square-foot garden bed - I pounded the nails into the timbers and ended up with 28, 1 ft squares. I planted some of the plants I purchased and interrupted my gardening to go put a diaper on wyatt because Mike was ignoring him when he was on the phone and I had asked Wyatt to ask him daddy to help since I was elbow deep in dirt and fish emulsion.
But mommy saved the day and quickly washed her hands and got the diaper on before there was an accident (more on potty training struggles later) - changed the diaper and finished the grid - all before the booger-toilet incident.
Actually I forgot - before the toilet incident Maddie caught a frisbee point blank in the face (nose I think) and had a meltdown and then Wyatt started crying when I talked to him about not throwing the frisbee at his sister's head. We all piled into my bed to turn on a movie and calm down and Mike promptly fell asleep - at 6 p.m.!
I guess in a way I'm jealous because I never get to just fall asleep like that - the kids would never allow it. They'd be crawling on me or crying or whining or banging on the door. And I'm a little resentful that my husband fell asleep during our family movie moment and got an hour nap (would have been longer if i hadn't turned on the lights and demanded he get up and help me!).
Ok- so I know this post is whiney and negative - but I've had a crappy day and I set out to do some writing and this is just what came out.
yes - i know that I have A LOT to be thankful for - and I'm most thankful that I have two wonderful kids who drive me crazy and a husband who puts up with my moods and emotional outbursts. We're healthy and happy most of the time and have family who loves us a whole lot and then some.
Sometimes you just need to vent!
Monday, February 1, 2010
Wyatt's thoughts on Mommy Milk
Just now as I was helping Wyatt back into his clothes after using the potty he decided to share with me a few thoughts about Mommy Milk - so I have to share.
He reached up and put his hand on my chest...
"I'm feeling the mommy milk," he said. "It's all filled up."
"I love Mommy Milk!"
"I love it for nighttime!"
Me:
"Wyatt, what do you like about Mommy Milk?"
Wyatt:
"the heart."
Every time he nurses he finishes by placing his ear against my breast and listening to my heart - most nights he falls asleep listening to my heartbeat.
He reached up and put his hand on my chest...
"I'm feeling the mommy milk," he said. "It's all filled up."
"I love Mommy Milk!"
"I love it for nighttime!"
Me:
"Wyatt, what do you like about Mommy Milk?"
Wyatt:
"the heart."
Every time he nurses he finishes by placing his ear against my breast and listening to my heart - most nights he falls asleep listening to my heartbeat.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Introducing Apollo
It's funny how things fall into place sometimes.
We started talking seriously about getting another dog - a few months ago. Mike was dead set on a German Shorthair Pointer - a dog that I had absolutely no interest in as a family dog. From the research
I'd done myself they came across as energetic and bred to kill/retrieve birds. That wasn't going to work with my pet hens!
I pleaded for something like a Welsh Pembroke Corgi - I love those little dogs. However, they're herders and are known to nip ankles and bums of little ones so eventually we dimissed that breed as a possibility.
Now before someone leaves me a scathing comment about rescuing or adopting from a rescue society let me say that I brought that up several times. We even looked at some rescue societies for the purebreeds, but didn't see what we were looking for.
Some of you may know that we previously owned a Doberman Pinscher. Her name was Mae and she passed away last year at 10 years old. She was a rescue - we adopted her when she was 5 years old. When we got down to the knock down drag out discussions of which breed we were going to get I finally told Mike that the only pure bred dog I would consider would be another Doberman.
So that started it - hours were spent pouring over breeder websites (there aren't many close to us) and the puppy sale websites (where breeders, etc list their dogs). We discussed color and sex, along with whether we wanted ears cropped or not and how much we wanted to spend on a dog.
Prices for Doberman puppies range from a few hundred dollars to thousands of dollars. We knew we weren't looking for a show quality dog or a breeding dog - we just wanted something that fit the breed standard and had parents with good dispositions and solid pedigrees. Championship bloodlines weren't a priority, but making sure that it was healthy and free from some of the diseases that can affect purebreeds was something we wanted to take into consideration.
We're actually on a waiting list for a little of puppies due to be bred and born sometime this summer. We're waiting to hear back from another breeder in Alabama who is planning to breed her dogs this summer.
Like I said, it's funny how things happen sometimes...
Mike's mom, Paula, called him one day last week to say that someone in Crestview had a litter of AKC Doberman puppies listed in the online classifieds. He didn't call me immediately - but in a later conversation mentioned it casually and said maybe I could call.
So I called - and there was one pup left - a black and tan male. I called Mike back and we agreed that we wanted to at least go look at him - even though it most likely wasn't the dog we were looking for.
We arrived after dark (without the kids) and met the puppy - who was very friendly and seemed to like us enough. He allowed me to pick him up like a baby and curled up in my arms and just laid there. Our only concern was wanting to see the pedigree, which the man didn't know its location and wanting to meet the parent dogs. It was dark and the owner refused to accommodate us that night. We agreed that I would return the next day.
I talked my sister into going with me (thank you natalie!) and we drove up to go meet the parents and see the puppy again.
Well, you know the rest of the story....
We named him Apollo - which ironically means "destroyer."
So far he's not living up to his name, although the house training is a bit of a challenge at times. He's the most mellow puppy I think I've ever met! He plays some and sleeps a lot - eats food like he's never been fed in his life and drinks so much water it's a wonder he doesn't pee gallons (close to it though!).
His birthday is October 23, 2009 (he shares a birthday with my best friend Rebecca's husband, Brett!) and when I weighed him at Petsmart he was 22.5 pounds. He's going to be a big dog and I have to say part of me is glad he's a male even though I prefer female dogs. He is a bit protective and I like that - it will come in handy when Mike is out of town and I can rely on him to alert me to strange noise that go bump in the night.
The kids enjoy him and since he's on the mellow side they're having a better adjustment I think. The cats are another issue - he was around cats at his birth home, but he barks and playfully growls and paws at our feline friends and they are none too appreciative. I don't think Azzie has come off her bookshelf in 3 days! Pumpkin is warming up - he's the one who has never been around dogs much at all and was the most standoffish and mean to the puppy. He swiped him really well across the face this morning. Tarmak is ironically the most friendly towards him - odd for the scaredy cat. My hens are a little traumatized and he's working hard on learning not to chase them, but they run from him so that makes him want to chase even more!
Most importantly is that Mike is in love with him - and I find a lot of joy in my husband being so excited about something! At this moment he's in the recliner with the dog curled up in his lap. Apollo sleeps on the floor on Mike's side of the bed and is now spoiled by going everywhere with us in the car. He is working on his crate training as well because once the summer heat sets in he won't be going with us as much.
So meet Apollo - he's a sweet little guy and has melted into our family so well it's like he's always been here!
It's the little things that count
The last few days have been, well to put it mildly, challenging.
Whether it was the cranky children, cold weather, puppy, husband or other people - I can't put my finger on just one to blame so I'll suffice to say that it's been a wicked combination that has at times left me at my wits end.
I've survived on a small string of sanity and am hoping to arrive triumphantly together as the month of February arrives with gusto and chill tomorrow morning.
So instead of writing about all the negatives I've experienced over the past few days, instead I want to concentrate on what I've accomplished.
We've all had those days - the ones where the kids are screaming and fighting, the phone and or email goes off all day long and things have to be addressed at that moment - so that by the time the day ends you ask yourself just what have you accomplished all day long? (and typically your husband comes home and either bluntly or in some way asks you what you have to show for your day and you collapse on the unswept, unmopped floor in tears because you just can't take it anymore!).
So here is what I've accomplished today at least. I'm hoping that by the time I finish my list I'll be able to look back and appreciate myself a little more.
Ok, i'm throwing in a few things from yesterday, too.
Whether it was the cranky children, cold weather, puppy, husband or other people - I can't put my finger on just one to blame so I'll suffice to say that it's been a wicked combination that has at times left me at my wits end.
I've survived on a small string of sanity and am hoping to arrive triumphantly together as the month of February arrives with gusto and chill tomorrow morning.
So instead of writing about all the negatives I've experienced over the past few days, instead I want to concentrate on what I've accomplished.
We've all had those days - the ones where the kids are screaming and fighting, the phone and or email goes off all day long and things have to be addressed at that moment - so that by the time the day ends you ask yourself just what have you accomplished all day long? (and typically your husband comes home and either bluntly or in some way asks you what you have to show for your day and you collapse on the unswept, unmopped floor in tears because you just can't take it anymore!).
So here is what I've accomplished today at least. I'm hoping that by the time I finish my list I'll be able to look back and appreciate myself a little more.
Ok, i'm throwing in a few things from yesterday, too.
- I planted two trays of 72 tomato seedlings, along with 15 pots of winter squashes. I'm hoping to sell the tomatoes and maybe a few of the extra squash plants.
- I washed, dried and folded (not quite put away) at least 6 loads of laundry this morning when I would normally have been worshipping at church - but Maddie had a fever and the sniffles so we opted to stay home.
- I watched my husband clean the kitchen (LOL)
- I watched my husband clean up puppy messes in the house (i love it!)
- I showered by myself for at least 15 minutes
- I researched homeschooling stuff and think I finally have my "curriculum" nailed down. I'm going to use Hands on Homeschooling as my main organized curriculum, Hooked on Phonics, Hooked on French (why not?) and beginning piano. We'll also consider the Blended School one day a week and take part in the various PE and park day activities that GCCHEA organizes.
- I planned and attended a Blessingway for one of our homebirth clients at Gentle Birth Options.
- I organized my organic produce order through my local co-op and also started investigating their other natural food co-op.
- I started reading "For Women Only" and read a chapter (THE chapter) in Mike's book "For Men Only" . If you've read the books then I'm sure you can guess which chapter I read in the men's book - if not, use your imagination!
- I taught Maddie how to play UNO and she picked it up really quickly! She beat me most of the time - I won 2 games out of 10!
I guess it doesn't really seem like much, but it helps me to focus on what I have accomplished rather than what I have not - and some days that's really important.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Breastfeeding is the first line of defense in a disaster
January 27, 2010
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
UPDATED STATEMENT:
Breastfeeding is the First Line of Defense in a Disaster
Washington, DC--The Human Milk Banking Association of North America (HMBANA), United States Breastfeeding Committee (USBC), International Lactation Consultant Association/United States Lactation Consultant Association (ILCA/USLCA), and La Leche League International (LLLI) strongly affirm the importance of breastfeeding in emergency situations, and call on relief workers and health care providers serving victims of disasters to protect, promote, and support mothers to breastfeed their babies. During an emergency, breastfeeding mothers provide their infants with safe food and water and disease protection that maximize their chances of survival.
This week, the International Milk Bank Project and Quick International Courier coordinated a shipment of milk from the HMBANA member banks to supplement a mother's own milk for the premature, medically fragile, and orphaned infants aboard the U.S. Navy ship Comfort stationed off the coast of Haiti. This milk will help this small group of infants. In this highly unusual circumstance the infrastructure associated with the Comfort's resources allows U.S. sourced donor milk to help fragile Haitian babies.
Donor milk, however, is not a solution for the large number of infants and young children affected by the earthquake in Haiti. Members of the public who wish to promote the survival of mothers and babies in Haiti can donate money to the following organizations: UNICEF, Save the Children Alliance, World Vision, and Action Against Hunger. These organizations are using best practice to aid both breastfed and non-breastfed infants. Members of the public can be confident that donations to these organizations will support breastfeeding and help save the lives of babies.
Interventions to protect infants include supporting mothers to initiate and continue exclusive breastfeeding, relactation for mothers who have ceased breastfeeding, and finding wet nurses for motherless or separated babies. Every effort should be made to minimize the number of infants and young children who do not have access to breastfeeding. Artificially fed infants require intensive support from aid organizations including infant formula, clean water, soap, a stove, fuel, education, and medical support. This is not an easy endeavor. Formula feeding is extremely risky in emergency conditions and artificially fed infants are vulnerable to the biggest killers of children in emergencies: diarrhea and pneumonia.
As stated by UNICEF and WHO, no donations of infant formula or powdered milk should be sent to the Haiti emergency. Such donations are difficult to manage logistically, actively detract from the aid effort, and put infant's lives at risk. Distribution of infant formula should only occur in a strictly controlled manner. Stress does not prevent women from making milk for their babies, and breastfeeding women should not be given any infant formula or powdered milk.
There are ongoing needs in the U.S. for human milk for premature and other extremely ill infants because of the protection it provides from diseases and infections. If a mother is unable to provide her own milk to her premature or sick infant, donor human milk is often requested from a human milk bank. American mothers can help their compatriots who find themselves in need of breast milk for their sick baby by donating to a milk bank that is a member of the Human Milk Banking Association of North America.
For more information about donating milk to a milk bank, contact HMBANA at www.hmbana.org. Additional information for relief workers and health care professionals can be provided from the United States Breastfeeding Committee at www.usbreastfeeding.org, ILCA/USLCA at www.ilca.org orwww.uslca.org, or La Leche League International at www.llli.org. A list of regional milk banks is available on the HMBANA Web site at www.hmbana.org/index/locations
USBC is an organization of organizations. Opinions expressed by USBC are not necessarily the position of all member organizations and opinions expressed by USBC member organization representatives are not necessarily the position of USBC.
United States Breastfeeding Committee (USBC)The United States Breastfeeding Committee (USBC) is an independent nonprofit coalition of 41 nationally influential professional, educational, and governmental organizations. Representing over half a million concerned professionals and the families they serve, USBC and its member organizations share a common mission to improve the Nation's health by working collaboratively to protect, promote, and support breastfeeding. For more information about USBC, visitwww.usbreastfeeding.org.
###
United States Breastfeeding Committee
2025 M Street, NW, Suite 800
Washington, DC 20036
Phone: 202/367-1132
Fax: 202/367-2132
E-mail: office@usbreastfeeding.org
Web: www.usbreastfeeding.org
2025 M Street, NW, Suite 800
Washington, DC 20036
Phone: 202/367-1132
Fax: 202/367-2132
E-mail: office@usbreastfeeding.org
Web: www.usbreastfeeding.org
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Snippets from Wyatt's mouth...
Wyatt has the vocabulary of a 5-year old and the communication skills to match - he also has a crazy, fun personality that constantly sets us to laughter. I just wanted to write down a few minute's worth of conversation to remember later on...
"Mommy, I want you to go and I will stay here," Wyatt said. He's been hanging out with my sister this morning so I could get some work done at the office for an upcoming homevisit.
"I got some lots of money for me!" - he's been going through my brother and sister's rooms finding all the discarded change. This kid is going to be rich one day on other people's careless casting aside of their coins!
What did you do with Nat-Nat today?
"Just stay home and be sick. I was just pretending, right? Everything, like anything - I did everything, right? I'm Lava-Girl."
"I took a bath but it was not fun."
oh yeah? Why wasn't it fun?
"Because it was not fun, just because it was not fun." he answered.
"Last night Maddie got her teeth lost," he told my sister's friend - a total stranger.
"Mommy, I want you to go and I will stay here," Wyatt said. He's been hanging out with my sister this morning so I could get some work done at the office for an upcoming homevisit.
"I got some lots of money for me!" - he's been going through my brother and sister's rooms finding all the discarded change. This kid is going to be rich one day on other people's careless casting aside of their coins!
What did you do with Nat-Nat today?
"Just stay home and be sick. I was just pretending, right? Everything, like anything - I did everything, right? I'm Lava-Girl."
"I took a bath but it was not fun."
oh yeah? Why wasn't it fun?
"Because it was not fun, just because it was not fun." he answered.
"Last night Maddie got her teeth lost," he told my sister's friend - a total stranger.
Monday, January 25, 2010
a little spilled milk
Either she'd had her fill or my presence kept her from continuing her mid-morning dessert and she walked across the table, leaving little kitty prints as she went.
This is my same cat who has on occasion taken part in tea parties with Maddie and myself.
Grandmomma, Azzie and Maddie having tea this weekend.
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