Monday, December 19, 2011

The birth of Maris Josephine

There are so many things I want to write about when it comes to my pregnancy and birth. I think a lot of these things are keeping me from finishing my birth story. I created a document for it the night Maris was born, and I’ve been picking away at it for the past almost 6 weeks, but it just doesn’t flow quite right - just yet.






The one thing I wanted to share is that I began this journey with very few expectations. I expected to have a much more positive experience and I expected to have excellent midwifery care. Those were probably the best expectations I could have had going into labor. 
It will surprise many in my circle, but I have no real regrets or hard feelings about how things turned out. Because I allowed myself to have no expectations for labor and birth - I was able to go with the flow and course of events. Had I created expectations for my birth I would probably be an emotional mess over how things actually turned out. I had hopes and aspirations. I hoped for a home, water birth. I hoped for a smooth and peaceful labor journey. But more than anything I desired a healthy baby and to be healthy myself.
It’s been a long journey. It started with an elective c-section for my daughter’s birth, continued with a repeat c-section for my son’s birth and ended with a vaginal birth after two c-sections. We planned a home, waterbirth. But anyone who is a parent can tell you that planning things can be dangerous! Life rarely goes as planned and God’s design for my life is often different from what I think needs to happen. 
In the end I couldn’t be happier with the end result. It just took a while to get there!
I can’t remember what woke me up Wednesday morning, it may have been my cat Azzie. She usually sleeps with me, but as my pregnancy progressed I was less tolerant of her attempts to cuddle with me at night. She would usually get the hint, but that morning she was insistent on laying right next to me. I was laying on my side when I felt an odd sensation - it wasn’t a pop, more like a tiny gush. I reached down and felt a little bit of moisture, but dismissed it due to the increasing juiciness one experiences in the later stages of pregnancy. However, about 5 minutes later I had that weird feeling again and decided to get up and go to the bathroom and see what was up. I slid towards the end of the bed and stood up and felt the “pop” as my water broke. Stepping over the puddle soaking into my carpet - I made it to the toilet and sat down. My pajama pants were soaked, but it was clear and I was thankful for that.
I called to Michael to bring me a towel. He was in a pretty deep sleep and it took a minute or two for it to register with him why I needed the towel. I found a pad and put on the fresh underwear and pants Mike brought me and climbed back into bed. I had paged my midwife when I was in the bathroom, along with my doula and chiropractor. 
Laying there, I experienced a range of emotions. I was excited but also in disbelief that this really was it. I was a tiny bit scared because I knew there was no turning back, as well. Mike, on the other hand, was riding the adrenaline wave. He got up and started setting things up. He blew up the birth tub, put down the padding and plastic sheeting. He created a “splash zone” where he taped plastic up the wall. Christy and Larissa gave him a hard time about that one! 
After talking with my midwife and the rest of my birth team, I decided to take a shower. I wanted to at least have nice hair in the pictures - LOL. I felt calm and peaceful, while my husband experienced the frantic craziness of emotions. I have to say that he accomplished much while he was riding that wave of adrenaline!
My contractions were coming every 5-7 minutes and lasting about 60 seconds each time. I embraced each one as it came and thought only positive thoughts. While I was in the shower they seemed to pick up a bit and I enjoyed the feeling of the water pounding on my lower back. 
Christy arrived while I was in the shower and Mike seemed much more relaxed after she was in the house. Larissa came in next, followed by Angela. The atmosphere was joyful and excited. I rushed around the house getting the kids up, fed, dressed and ready to go to their school activities. I was thankful it was Wednesday and not only did Wyatt have preschool, but Maddie had her Classical Conversations class until noon. This gave me some much needed quiet time. 
While I was in the shower Mike had blown up the birthing tub and put the plastic down underneath it. I laughed when I saw his splash zone - he taped the plastic sheeting midway up the walls. There were lots of laughs about just how water would splash up that high during labor or birth! 
As I was running around taking care of last minute details - my contractions all but stopped. It was almost like I put them on hold. After the kids got off to school and we all enjoyed breakfast (scrambled eggs with spinach and salsa and cinnamon rolls) - we settled in to wait. I remember that Christy and Larissa were knitting up a storm, trying to finish up their baby projects. Larissa was making a beautiful cotton, rainbow blanket for the baby and Christy was working on a pair of baby leg warmers. 
The conversation was light and comical. If anything we were going to laugh ourselves to a baby - that was certain. Every so often I would have a nice, strong contraction but they just weren’t coming with a force and rhythm that I knew was needed - plus I was on the clock.
Sometime before lunch I talked to Vicki again and she told me that she’d spoken to Dr. Maher and he was willing to give me 18 hours to get labor started and at that point he preferred me to come into the hospital to start IV antibiotics. I remember counting hours and thinking I had until about 11 p.m. before we’d have to transfer...
The day continued and after a rather hot walk that didn’t do much to stir up contractions - we piled on my bed and discussed what the do with the rest of the day. About this time my friend Rebecca stopped by and we decided that we’d all go to lunch at the Thai restaurant. We sent Mike off to drop the dog at my parents’ house and to go to the gym  - he gave me some ridiculous order of what he wanted. It was some custom dish that included veggies, chicken, pork, eggs and pad thai sauce. I told him that Angel (the owner) wasn’t the type to do custom orders. I showed her his requested list and she flat out refused to add the pad thai sauce or eggs to the dish. I had a good laugh about that. 
Angela, Larissa, Rebecca, Christy and I had a nice lunch - with nary a contraction. After Becca dropped me off at home, Larissa and Christy took their time coming back - trying to give Mike and I some time to ourselves. But I was antsy and eager to find something to occupy my time and since my water was broken, sex was out of the question. (LOL). Instead I re-booked my hair cut appointment (I cancelled it earlier in the morning when I still thought labor was eminent.) At the very least my hair was going to look good!
I was really missing my kids by this point and decided that after my hair cut was over Mike and I would go pick Maddie up from my parents and bring her back to the house. I wanted Wyatt, too - but he was so needy that I knew it would end up making me crazy. 
My friend Liz came by to bring us dinner - a yummy roast she slow cooked all day (that gave Mike HORRIBLE burps later on that evening). We decided to take a long walk and Liz and Maddie joined us for part of it. On the way there I found myself wanting to cuss out a man in a pickup truck who didn’t stop for us to cross the street. Then a woman backed out and moved her car onto the sidewalk where we were walking (and Maddie was riding her bike!). And finally some teenage girl who lives in my neighborhood and drives a huge redneck truck vroomed by and blew her TRAIN horn, nearly scaring Maddie off her bike and us out of our skin! 
As Larissa, Christy and I walked around the track at Plew Elementary my contractions started to pick up and once again I started to feel optimistic that maybe things were starting to progress. The sunset was beautiful as we walked and I remember feeling happy. We were expecting Vicki and Nora to come over by 7 p.m. so we started heading back to the house around 6 p.m. I also really had to pee! When we got back to the house I panicked because Mike wasn’t home and I thought he had locked us out  - but thankfully the door was open and I raced to the bathroom!
The kids were at Awanas from 6-8 p.m. and Vicki and Nora arrived about 7:15. I had decided to bake a cake - hoping that spending time in the kitchen would scare up some contractions - it always seemed to work in the past. The house smelled fabulous and I was enjoying the time with my friends - but I knew we were most likely heading to the hospital.
The mood was positive when they arrived - I did my assessment with Vicki and everything looked good - except the fact that my cervix was closed and I wasn’t contracting. I was thinking that we had a little bit of time before we had to head to Baptist. I decided to take a bath to try and relax as the tension was high in the house. 
My mom and sister had picked up the kids from AWANAs and my mom was going to run back to the house and pick up some clothes and return shortly to stay with the kids. I was thankful they had arrived from their new home in West Palm Beach - just hours before everything got really crazy.
No sooner had I turned off the water and stretched out in the tub than Vicki knocked on the door and told me we needed to get moving and get up there sooner. She’d already asked my mom to be back at the house within 30 minutes (a surprise to me). 
I think this was the most stressful part of the entire experience for me. I like smooth transitions and this transition was anything but smooth. All the preparation we’d done for our homebirth meant nothing at this point and I found myself having to quickly pack a bag for the hospital. I grabbed some pajamas, underwear, my contacts and glasses, a few outfits for the baby, my laptop and chargers and my favorite blanket. Looking back - there were several other things I wish I had packed, but I survived on the barest of creature comforts. Thankfully I’d just gotten my hair washed and cut so I didn’t have to worry about washing my hair (so it didn’t matter I had no shampoo/conditioner or even a hairbrush!). I also forgot to pack deodorant, slippers, lotion and any kind of bra. Thankfully Mike saved me the day we went home - but I’m getting ahead of myself!
As I raced around the house throwing things in my suitcase, I became super emotional. I wasn’t upset necessarily about having to go to the hospital - but I was upset at the lack of time to explain things to my children. Maddie and Wyatt had been shuffled from house to house during the day and now they were home and happy to have their Mimi - but upset that Mommy and Daddy were leaving.
Now I had talked to them throughout my pregnancy about our plans to have the baby at home, but also spent a lot of time discussing the fact that if something didn’t go right and I needed more help to have the baby that we’d have to go to the hospital. I felt that I’d spent a lot of time preparing them for whatever scenario. But none of that mattered at that point - they were distraught. 
Maddie was crying because she wouldn’t get to cut the cord. Wyatt was crying because he was overtired and didn’t want his mommy to leave. My mom was back and we were ready to go - I was crying, Maddie was crying, Wyatt was crying, Mike wasn’t crying but he wasn’t smiling either. 
We finally got out the front door and remembered something that we’d forgotten. Christy ran back to grab it and reported that the kids had already settled down. 
On the drive to the hospital, Mike and I talked about the course of the day and what was  to come. I sent a few text messages out (even though I’d been ordered to stay off my phone by Christy and Larissa - yeah right!). I didn’t update everyone - I wasn’t in the mood. I tried to process what was happening. I was frustrated that my body didn’t seem to be working right. I felt dysfunctional. 
We arrived at the hospital, meeting Vicki and Nora in the parking lot. Christy and Larissa were behind us on the interstate, but they got lost once they got into Pensacola. They ended up parking somewhere far away from the ER (where you had to enter at night) and walked around outside the hospital trying to find a way into the building! 
I will say that our transition into the hospital was incredibly smooth. They were expecting me and Dr. Maher had left his orders. We walked up to the nurses station and they told us which labor suite we were going into and so started my hospital birth experience. 
My nurse for the night was Ashton. She seemed young to me. She was relatively new to the L&D floor I believe. Despite her quiet nature, she was very sweet and a capable nurse. I remember that she numbed my vein for my IV and how nice that was! She checked me - My cervix was <1 cm, 80% effaced and -2 station (which Vicki said was generous). It was almost midnight.
She started the pitocin at 1, explaining that they’d turn it up once an hour. I asked her about taking something to help me sleep. I’d been up since 5 a.m. that morning and I was starting to lose steam. I knew I was facing an uphill battle and would need my energy. After considering my options I decided on an Ambien - hoping to get at least 4 hours of sleep. Vicki and Nora left to get some rest and told me to call if I needed them. 
Shortly after that I started to get sleepy and Christy and Larissa left the room to scope out a place to rest. 
Mike and I slept for a few hours and I remember waking up with some uncomfortable contractions. I was pretty disoriented at first - I knew I was in the hospital, but my concept of time was really off! For one, I didn’t realize that Larissa and Christy had hung around for a few hours before heading back home to Niceville. It was an hour drive - so they got home between 3 and 3:30 a.m. It was about 4 a.m. when I woke up from the contractions. I tried to breathe through a few - but felt very limited in my ability to move and change positions in the bed. Mike was snoring loudly and I knew he needed his rest in order to support me later so I tried to manage on my own. 
I think I first texted Christy and Larissa around 4:30 a.m. I heard back from Larissa right away. She was nursing Lucja and trying to get her settled. She told me she’d just gotten home and I felt bad about texting her! Christy was dead asleep and never returned my text. 
After much effort I was able to rouse Mike - but at first he didn’t do so well. I think it was the adrenaline of “this is really happening” mixed with lack of sleep - but he was physically sick for a while. I also think it was because his support team was no longer there and he really relaxed when they were present. Around 6 a.m. I called and woke Christy up - feeling horrible for her lack of sleep, but I really needed her to come back. 
At some point between the phone call to Christy and her arrival - my nurse came in and we changed over to the telemetry monitoring so I could move freely. This made a huge difference and Mike and I took to the halls - dragging my monstrous infusion contraption along the way. I walked, squatted, leaned over the nurses station, dangled from Mike’s neck - I tried to use all the positioning techniques I’d learned about. Mike was great - rubbing my back, dragging the IV pole thing, encouraging me every step of the way.
We went back to the room after a while (actually we were back and forth a lot so I could use the bathroom frequently). At this point I found the most comfort on my knees leaning over the end of the bed. We took the cushion from the fold-out bed that Mike slept on and I used that under my knees. I remember putting my headphones in and turning on my music at that point. Looking back I wish I would have listened to my music more during labor. There were two songs that really moved me during my pregnancy - both sung by Mindy Gledhill. “I will rest in you,” and “What heaven sees in you” are songs that literally bring me to my knees - they’re my prayers to God. As I listened to them, the tears were streaming and I felt myself give into my body just a little bit more. I lost myself in the music for quite a while and at some point I looked up and Christy was there. 
Melissa was my daytime nurse - she told me she had been a doula before ever going to nursing school and this brought me peace. 
Dr. Maher came in shortly after that and checked me. After 9 hours of pitocin my cervix was still closed! Not for long though. I’m thankful he didn’t tell me what he was going to do before hand, but the pain was intense. 
“You’re 4 cm now!” he proclaimed as I wiped away my tears and drew a ragged breath. 
He explained that there was scar tissue keeping my cervix closed and that after he broke through it I dilated to 4 cm easily. Everyone in the room cheered at the progress. Vicki called to check in and I updated her. She told me she had appointments during the day but would be by later in the day to check on me.
Dr. Maher stayed to talk with us for a few minutes. He explained that as long as I continued to progress at a reasonable rate he would continue to let me labor - barring any other complications like fever or fetal distress. I remember asking him if he would be ok with me getting in the shower since I knew that I probably wouldn’t be allowed in the tub since my water was broken and for so long. His reply was “You can do any of that nuts and berries stuff that Melissa is willing to do.” This made us all laugh!
“Oh and I refuse to deliver a baby in the shower,” he added.
He left for his office and the mood in my room was much more upbeat and hopeful.
At this point between the progress of dilation and turning up the pitocin some more - my contractions started to become more intense. 
I’m not completely sure what Mike and Christy were up to - I was obviously in laborland, but there were some funny pictures on my camera around this time. Something about Mike taking pictures and Christy making funny poses while she was doing counter pressure on my back during contractions. 
Details are a little fuzzy but at some point before the pictures the nurse Melissa put me in the low-Fowler’s position in the bed (sitting up with knees bent and feet touching). She told me she wanted me to hurt - because that meant the contractions were doing something. She was right - they hurt worse. At this point I wanted to be anywhere but in that bed!
After the required 10 minutes in the bed ( I swear it was much longer than that) - Melissa let me get up and move around. I probably could have walked some more, but the contractions were fairly intense and I wanted the privacy of my room. I spent a lot of time on my knees, leaning over the edge of the bed while Mike and Christy took turns rubbing my back. Unfortunately every time I leaned over, the fetal heart rate monitor would slip off and we’d lose the heart rate on the monitor. Usually the nurse would let it go for a while and then come back and readjust it. The baby was doing great though - she was moving around and had a strong heart rate. 
My nurse came back in to give me some great news - I could get in the tub. She actually  went and looked up their protocols and said that they allowed for women to use the tub after ruptured membranes! All I could think about was how much I wanted to be in the water, but first she made me sit in the bed again so she could get a consistent strip on the baby. (This is when my love/hate relationship for her really started). 
I fulfilled my duty to give her a continuous strip on the baby and after gathering all my cords and strings - we made our way into the bathroom where a glorious tub of hot water awaited me. It took me a while to get into the tub - but once I sat down I was in heaven.
Until Melissa told me I had to lean back in there. It made my contractions so intense. My tailbone hurt, my hips hurt - I had a horrible stitch in my ribs... She brought me a plastic stool to press my feet against since I was of “short stature.” I started to hate the bath tub at this point.
Once she left I changed positions - The only place that felt good was on my knees. Melissa came in once again and said I was going to have to get out of the tub and back into the bed. I was distraught. I understood their need to monitor me more closely, but it was starting to make it difficult for me to cope through contractions because the only positions that brought me relief were ones that caused the monitor to fail at its job. I remember asking her if she could use a handheld doppler to check her heartrate - even suggesting at one point that she just sit there and hold a doppler on me continuously if it meant I could stay in the tub on my knees.
She didn’t go for it.
At about 12:20 she checked me again - I was still at 4 cm, but 90% effaced and the baby was at -1. I was frustrated that I hadn’t dilated anymore, but everyone else seemed ecstatic that the baby was moving down - so I decided to be happy about that, too. I was still in the tub.
Unfortunately my moments in the tub were about to end - after some discussion about an intrauterine pressure catheter, which would confine me to the bed completely - I hit a mental and physical wall. I was tired, I was frustrated and honestly I was about ready to give up. I knew if I had the IUPC that I wouldn’t be able to get on my knees or move around and that my time would be limited because my pain tolerance was already going downhill each time they cranked up the pitocin.
I asked for an epidural. Actually what happened was I said if they were going to do an IUPC I would want an epidural. And then 5 minutes later I sent Mike to the nurses station to ask her to go ahead and order it for me. 
It wasn’t in my plans - I wanted a “natural” birth. However it also wasn’t in my plans that I have ruptured membranes for 30+ hours at this point, or that I have pitocin - hell I wasn’t even planning to be at the hospital!
However - it was a tool available and it was something I decided on myself. No one suggested it (although I’m sure they were thinking about it). 
(Did I mention how LONG it took me to get back in the bed? I kept having contraction on top of contraction and I so didn’t want to be in that bed!) - Sometime during my attempts to get back into the bed I mouthed “I HATE YOU” to my nurse’s back. Christy and Mike found this quite hilarious apparently as they laughed at my scowling.
After a bolus of IV fluids my savior (and what a hottie he was, too) walked into the room. Christy called him Dr. McHottie! He was rather nice on the eyes and good with his hands as he placed my epidural in under 5 minutes. He chatted with us for a few minutes as it was taking place - he was impressed at my attempt for a VBAC after 2 prior c-sections and wished me luck. I had a “zinger” down my right side - and he suggested I lay on my left side as much as possible because of this. By 1:30 p.m. I was finally feeling comfortable.
Once I was in less pain I was ordered to take a nap while my husband ran off with my doula to get something to eat (and find something else to stare at other than the crappy artwork on the walls - or something to that effect). I was also ordered to turn my phone off. 
I always have trouble listening....
Honestly all I wanted to do was call my mom and check on the kids. I checked with our nanny - who was driving home from college to take over with the kids that afternoon and I texted one or two friends who had sent me texts. “Yes I’m still alive, no baby yet.” Then I turned my phone off and tried to doze...
At 2:30 I was 6 cm and 0 station, making slow but steady progress.
About half an hour later Dr. Maher came in to check on me - he was happy with my progress and said he’d stop in again after clinic hours were over. At this time my midwife, Vicki, came back up to see how things were going as well.
4:30 p.m. - I was feeling lots of pressure and asked Melissa to check me again - 7 cm and 100% effaced. I was also getting very grumpy. I remember being irritated with my midwife (who I love dearly!)  - I didn’t want to be irritated with her - but I was.
Looking back I’m convinced that I was starting to transition at this point - because things started getting rather crazy at this point...  I was still having the weird stitch in my ribs on the left side and then I started feeling pain only on the left side, but it was right on top of my incision scar. Immediately I started having all these negative thoughts in my head. Was my uterus rupturing? Was I going to die, was the baby going to die? I didn’t share any of these thoughts - but they were there.
My nurse and Vicki both showed a lot of concern at this point (5:30 p.m.). We were all thinking the same thing - was it a sign of a rupture? The baby looked great on the monitor - but with each contraction the pain got worse. Melissa called Dr. Maher and they decided to turn the pitocin off (it was up to 14). Both the nurse and my midwife thought my epidural was functioning normally, but Mike and Christy decided to roll me to my left side and see if that helped. Mercifully it did! 
The pitocin was off and my contractions spaced out a bit - but I was still contracting regular. My body was working! This made me very happy :)
Around 6:10 p.m. Dr. Maher arrived and took a look.
“Well let’s see what you can do,” he said. 
“Excuse me? I’m ready to push?” was my approximate response. I was in shock! 
Things were happening so fast - people were moving around in a flurry and I distinctly remember shouting that I wanted Mike involved - he was sitting on the pull out bed looking a little bewildered. There was a quick change of positions and he took hold of one of my legs. 
I pushed through one contraction and there was a knock at the door. It was Angela. 
“Can she come in?” a nurse asked - as several of us shouted “YES!” It was actually funny. It was clearly - “get her in here now!”
Angela has this uncanny ability to show up at just the right moment. I can’t remember if Christy had texted her that it was time - but the fact she walked in at that exact moment was nothing short of a miracle. There was some scuffling around and Angela asked for permission to photograph the entire birth (typically this is against hospital policy - it’s emblazened on the wall!). Dr. Maher said he didn’t care and she started to document the process.
At this point Dr. Maher got up and said I had some work to do to get the baby down and that he was going to be close by and to call him when I was ready. 
I was determined - excited and running on full adrenaline. I could feel NOTHING as far as my legs and bottom were concerned - although I could definitely feel the pressure of the baby coming through my pelvis. I worked hard to push, that’s for sure. I was so worried about being ineffective at pushing because of the epidural that I tried extra hard.
It wasn’t long before Dr. Maher was called back in - maybe 10-15 minutes. There was so much excitement in that room. Vicki coached me in my pushing - which was wonderful. She was so encouraging and positive - I’m so thankful that she was there with me even though it was not at home. 
Time seemed to stop for a few minutes - no one could get the baby’s heart rate. It was definitely scary. I could feel her moving so I knew she was fine - but Dr. Maher was so not ok with it. It was an electrical problem. They tried two fetal scalp monitors and the leads for both of them didn’t work. Someone ran to another room and tried another cord and that one didn’t work either. The normal corded monitor didn’t work and I could see the concern on Dr. Maher’s face.
Then Vicki grabbed the telemetry monitor and just held it on my belly - I think the sweetest sound was the baby’s heart rate coming out of that speaker. I knew the whole time she was fine, but it was reassuring to say the least. 
Even though I couldn’t feel the progress I was making because of the epidural - I could see it in the mirror they positioned. Being able to see the progress with each push was huge for me. I know a lot of people don’t like to look - but I found it amazing. I watched as her head moved so close to crowning. 
This was the moment I became super emotional. There’s a picture Angela took of a single tear on my cheek - I was waiting for the next contraction and it was the moment I knew I was actually going to push her out. I remember Dr. Maher saying something about how my changes of a repeat c-section just went out the window because I was going to push this baby out. I started sobbing - from happiness. I was overcome with joy. 
I was empowered.
At 6:49, after just over 30 minutes of pushing - Maris Josephine Hinze was born and placed on my belly. I reached down to pull her up closer to my chest and we quickly realized that the cord was a bit short! 
The rest of the details are a blur at this point. I remember Mike cutting the cord (boy was he proud of himself!). I remember pulling her up for our first snuggles and how peaceful she was just laying there looking at me. The nurse for Maris was very accommodating with my wishes, but I did allow her to take her for a few minutes (maybe 5 or less) and then she was back on my chest. She latched on for the first time at 7:26 p.m. - like she was born to breastfeed. She nursed for an hour and 10 minutes. 
One thing that I remember clearly was that after my placenta arrived there was discussion about it being small and circumvallate (google it) - and that there was a small, partial abruption. I remain incredibly thankful that it didn't detach further and that God's hands were on Maris and I during the delivery.
Looking back on the past 10 months I feel so blessed. I had a pregnancy surrounded by support from a community of women who know birth. Having friends like Christy and Larissa (and Angela, Vicki, Shay and a long list of others -) who answered my questions, listened to my worries and fears and encouraged and empowered me as a woman and mother was priceless. I feel like I climbed the Mt. Everest of the birth world - in having a successful vaginal delivery after two c-sections.
I am forever filled with love and gratitude for the women who helped me reclaim that power of being a woman who is strong.
And I could not have accomplished this feat without my husband - who supported my desire to have our baby at home. In the face of adversity and disappointment, he remained my rock of support and encouragement (except for those few moments when he turned pale and had to excuse himself from direct views...). He refused to let me give up - which I was ready to do at a few points. I can honestly say that this experience has brought us closer together and given us a stronger marriage. He’s changed so much as a father and husband through this experience and once again I’m thankful that we’ve been able to share this experience together. 
So, was it the birth I wanted? Not exactly. But it was the birth I needed to have. 
And so Maris Josephine was born - in a way different from that of her siblings’ entrance into the world. She is a much loved baby - adored by her brother and sister and coddled by her parents. 
She will grow up knowing her birth story - and knowing the women who helped her come into this world.
Maris Josephine Hinze, October 27, 2011
Head: 13.5 inches
Chest 13 inches
APGARS 8/9 (I believe but didn’t get confirmed)
6lbs 15.7 oz
19.9 inches long

Hinze Happenings 2011 - Counting our Blessings


2011 was a year of many blessings for our family, along with a few sad events as well. Our biggest announcement for the year was in the form of a little baby girl born October 27, 2011 at Baptist Hospital in Pensacola. Maris Josephine arrived after 37 hours of hard work on the part of mom, dad and our doula, Christy. She weighed 6 pounds 15.7 ounces and was 19.5 inches long. We planned a home birth with a great midwife - hoping to have this baby vaginally after 2 prior c-sections. While we ended up transferring from home to hospital - we still achieved the VBAC birth and couldn’t be happier with our experience. Our midwife was still there for the birth, along with our back-up OB and doula. We are over the top with joy to have another little girl after thinking our family was complete at two! 
Our year started with birthdays as usual - Wyatt turned 4 and Maddie turned 6. Just days after Maddie’s birthday we were surprised to discover we were expecting another baby! After the shock wore off (it took several months) - we set to preparing for this little one’s arrival at the end of October.
Mike’s business, Integrity Boat and Yacht Services had another great year. There was some concern with the economy, but for every boat “lost”, another or sometimes even more boats were added to the fleet that Integrity maintains for their owners. There were some huge fish caught with Captain Mike this year - a 147-lb tuna, 58-pound grouper and a few huge amberjacks as well topped the list of big’uns. Trips were made to Louisiana and several deliveries to South Florida kept Mike busy and gone from home throughout the year. Mike rounded out the year with the 4th Annual “Cowboy Party” with his good friends and clients. They spent 5 days up in Alabama hunting. Mike returned with two deer this year!
Most of Anne’s year was spent being pregnant. Morning sickness plagued her once again and lasted the duration of her pregnancy unfortunately. Thanks to the care of a fabulous midwife - she had a much healthier pregnancy this time around (It really is all in the diet!). Maris’ pregnancy lasted 39 weeks and 5 days compared to 36 and 37 weeks for Maddie and Wyatt. She was also the biggest baby so far - close to a pound heavier than Maddie and Wyatt! Other than having to have an iron infusion near the end of her pregnancy, there were no major complications this time around. Anne continued to lead a breastfeeding support group as a La Leche League Leader. Her meetings are some of the biggest in the state with regular attendance hitting 20-30 moms each month! After almost 5 years of studying and taking classes - Anne took the exam to become an Internationally Board Certified Lactation Consultant. Just a few hours after Maris’ birth, Anne received notification that she had passed the exam. It was exciting to welcome  a baby and become an IBCLC all in one day! She plans to ease into her private practice helping moms and babies overcome their breastfeeding challenges as Maris gets older.
Maddie is almost 7 years old (Feb. 26) and in first grade. We’ve continued with homeschooling and Classical Conversations this year. Maddie loves math, but hasn’t yet discovered the joys of reading (although she does read quite well - she just doesn’t enjoy it). She took swimming lessons this summer and wowed us with her amazing backstroke. We’ve talked about joining the Barracuda’s swim team, but she said she isn’t interested. She wants to try Karate in January, though. She’s a fabulous big sister - helping mommy with the baby every day, sometimes without being asked!
Wyatt is almost 5 years old (Jan. 2) and as always a very funny guy. He is in preschool this year and although the beginning of the year was a bit of a rough transition he’s loving it now. He tells his teacher all kinds of funny things like “My dad caught a big fish and then he Chick-fil-a’d it.” When his class was singing Christmas songs this year he told them his favorite song was “grandma got run over by a reindeer.” His teacher keeps me smiling with notes telling me the funny things he says. He also loves his little sister and is a big help. He’s sleeping all night in his own bed, now too! (This was a huge thing for him). 
Our little angel, Maris, will be 2 months old on December 27. It seems like she was just born, but then again it seems like she’s always been here. Her first 6 weeks were a little stressful until we decided to try treating her with medication for reflux. The poor thing would scream after she nursed until she fell back asleep. Thankfully the meds made her much more comfortable and by 7 weeks she finally started to smile and coo.  She sleeps great at night and is a sweet baby. We are all in love with her!
We said goodbye to Anne’s grandmother, Grace, this Fall. A small, family service was held here in Niceville. There are plans to combine her ashes with her husband, Caleb’s and bury them in North Carolina at some point, but a date has not been set. One of the hardest things for us was Anne’s parent’s moving to the West Palm Beach area in October, just a few weeks before Maris was born. After having them here and being so close to them, we feel lost without Mimi and Papa! We are thankful for the many friends who are like family and all the support they’ve given us in the past 2 months. We were showered with meals, childcare and moral support during the last weeks of the pregnancy and the early weeks of Maris’ life. It’s been hard not to have them here, but we’re managing. We’re traveling to spend Christmas with them in their new house and the kids are excited to see them again. They are the ones who have missed them the most (Anne does, too of course). 
We are looking forward to 2012, making plans to move to a bigger house (hopefully) and enjoy life to its fullest as we celebrate 10 years of marriage.  
As 2011 draws to a close we hope your year has been blessed and that you’ve been able to find joy and wonder this Christmas season. Please stay in touch! May the new year bring you joy, peace, love and simplicity.
Life is a great and wondrous mystery, and the only thing we know that we have for sure is what is right here right now. Don't miss it.
— Leo Buscaglia

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Raising a Princess and a Knight

Sometimes I look at my son and my daughter and wonder what they will be like when they grow up. Will they be kind, compassionate, empathetic?

I want so much for both of them and feel a tremendous burden of responsibility to teach them as much as I can about the world and relationships - because one day I know they will leave their parents and cleave to their spouse - starting their own journey in life.

My son, Wyatt, is empathetic, he is kind and loving. I want him to grow up knowing how to treat a girl - whether she's his friend or something more one day. I want him to treasure and protect his love one day.

For my daughter, Maddie, I desire her to be confident in who she is as a young woman  - knowing that her Father in Heaven loves her more than anything. I want her life to be full of love so she doesn't go looking for that love and admiration from other people and things. I want her to expect to be loved and treasured and protected by whoever God has chosen for her to marry one day.

Recently I bought a book for Maddie at the Christian bookstore. It was about a princess and three knights (that's actually the title) and the artwork was beautiful. I sat on the floor in the store and read it to her and found myself tearing up as I read it to her.

The father of the princess is choosing a husband for his daughter and he wants him to have all the right qualities - but more than anything he wants a man who will cherish and love his daughter for her internal beauty and not just her physical beauty.

In the end it is the knight who refuses to put the princess in danger - saying that he loves her and would never take her anywhere near the cliff - who wins the heart of the girl and her father. He cherishes and treasures her for the rest of their lives - always protecting her.

Today at lunch Wyatt told me that he is going to protect his little girlfriend - "Mama, I'm going to protect Nicole when I grow up."

My mind raced forward 20 years thinking of who he will be as a young man and I know that my little boy is going to grow up to be a young man who cherishes, treasures and protects his love.

I hope that in some way he will grow up learning how to be a Godly man and one day the spiritual head of his household. I pray that he will continue to offer such beautiful, insightful prayers as he grows and that his walk with God and Jesus will continue always.

I pray that Maddie will grow into a young woman who loves Jesus. I hope she will never settle for less than what she deserves - a young man who cherishes, treasures and protects her just like her Heavenly Father does.

These things weigh heavily on my heart. Sometimes the burden of shaping children - leading them towards the adults they one day will be - overwhelms me. I see bright moments - breakthroughs - and it carries me through the darker times when I feel discouraged.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Hinze Family Christmas Card 2010

Joy Sky Story Christmas 5x7 folded card
Shop Shutterfly.com for elegant Christmas photo cards.
View the entire collection of cards.



http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0CYtWrZw5aMXIA

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Camping - It was fun while it lasted...

It was a good idea - while it lasted, that is.

Growing up in England and Montana  - I camped a lot. Naturally I want to share this experience with my little family. Now I'm not ready to go into the Bob Marshall Wilderness with them - but I thought it might be fun to do a trial night in my parent's backyard. We were going to practice camping, that is.

Apparently we need a lot more practice!

Overall things went well - we set up the tent quickly and moved in with our inflatable air mattress, blankets and pillows. The kids had a blast playing in the tent through the afternoon and early evening. For dinner we roasted hot dogs over the campfire I built and nurtured in my parent's outdoor fireplace. I roasted some ears of corn and baked some amazing melt-in-your-mouth potatoes. For the grown-ups I grilled ribeyes (we were really roughing it!). The kids had a blast eating the hot dogs on their roasting sticks and the adults moved inside (mosquitoes were getting bad) and enjoyed their meal. After dinner we roasted marshmallows although I was the only one besides my mom who ate any. Maddie enjoyed cooking them, but then refused to eat any!

Mike came by after his fishing trip and enjoyed a steak and potato while I fussed over the nasty bite on his leg - from a wahoo (fish). The kids had baths and were relaxed and ready for bed so we made our way out to the tent after a rousing game of finding batteries for the flashlight (rolls eyes).

We got out into the tent and I noticed that the air mattress was deflated considerably a little low. Being the Girl Scout that I am not I had planned head and ran an extension cord out to the tent so I could adjust the mattress if needed. I added some air and the kids piled on for bedtime stories.

Wyatt immediately started complaining that he didn't like the tent and wanted to go inside and sleep with Mimi. I made it through two stories and he was relentless so I unzipped the door, padded back inside and begged my mom to let him sleep inside. I think he would have just come inside on his own if I didn't try to plea on his behalf - he was determined not to sleep outside. Ten minutes later he was asleep in her bed.

Maddie and I chatted for a while about the stars and other silly things that people discuss late at night under the stars. As she prattled on I could feel the air seeping out of the mattress as my body seemed to drift lower and lower. I must have fallen asleep eventually - Maddie was snoring quite loudly and the dewpoint had been reached as everything in the tent was damp.

Instead of up high on the mattress we were rather engulfed in it and I decided that the tent was a lost cause at the same moment Maddie awoke and exclaimed that she had to pee NOW.

I gathered up our pillows and blankets and somehow managed to get both of our shoes on and the door unzipped and rezipped and she raced into the house - only to race back to where I was trying to walk and not drop anything on the ground - because she couldn't open the door. I don't think she was really awake honestly!

Crisis averted I helped her to the bathroom then explained to my mom our dire situation with the mattress. We devised a sleeping plan that included leaving my dad in the spare room (where he retired after losing his side of the bed to Wyatt) and moving Wyatt to my sister's bed and putting Maddie in with my mom. Unfortunately this puts poor Natalie on the couch, but she'll stay up watching her Anime movies until who knows when so she typically doesn't mind terribly. I moved her pillows and blankets and wrote her a cute note from Wyatt explaining our dilemma and left her a piece of chocolate.

So now I'm inside (actually relieved at the moment) where I'm swatting at imaginary bugs because my skin is crawling and itchy. I'm also now (not thankfully at all) experiencing the allergies that everyone has been complaining about that I've smugly avoided until my brief stint in the backyard "camping." Thankfully my mom gave me a zyrtec and I'll be less itchy in the morning.

So hopefully the next adventure will be more successful - only time will tell.

At least we tried, right? I'd much rather pack up and come inside my parents house than have to pack up camp at 1 a.m. and go home!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Siren Call

Where to start - that's the question I'm always faced with when I give in to the writer's block I am dealing with on a daily basis. It's not that I don't want to write or that I have nothing to write about - rather it's the opposite - there are so many things I want to write about and ponder - but I'm choosing to not write and here I am months later depressed at the lack of writing and feeling rather like I'm going to implode if I don't start writing again.

Every year around the time of Fall - or Indian Summer - I get melancholy for the mountains - Montana - specifically. It's been 13 years since I left my home state - with my family. We've never been back. I am pining for the mountains, the prairies - for Monarch and Neihart - for Memorial Falls - for the view from the back porch of our house. I miss the bluffs of the Missouri river - the Giant Springs park and the monstrous falls of my town's namesake : Great Falls.

I feel trapped in Florida. I love my husband and my kids and my family - and I have a few very dear friends here - but there's nothing else that keeps me wanting to stay here. Maybe it's just my eternal wanderlust  - but I want to be elsewhere.

Go ahead and judge me but I hate the South. All I see here is intolerance and judgement. I'm not ignorant - I know that those things exist everywhere - it just seems to me that they exist even more HERE in the South than other parts of the country where I've lived (and I've lived in several places of our great country, plus abroad for 6 years of my life!). I've seen lots of positive things here as well - but it's hard to keep seeing the beauty when you're seeing so much ugly.

It's possible that I'm just burned out - on people, on heat, humidity and the lack of elevation - the constant barrage of mosquitoes, the oil spill, the days upon days without a break of silence and time for myself.

I went to the beach last night with Wyatt. Just me and him - we took a blanket and a frisbee and went to watch the sun dip into the water. It was pretty and as the light waned and the temperature dropped I found a brief moment of quiet as Wyatt was happily playing in the sand and I wrote in my journal in the first time in forever. We were almost alone on the beach - there was a couple probably several hundred feet away. And then a large family came down the beach access and plopped their stuff just feet away from me. I mean they had the whole beach - why did they have to interrupt my little bit of solitude? When the woman started taking pictures (it was dark out!) with her larger than life flash - I found myself increasingly irritated as the night sky was lit up over and over by something that was no act of nature. We packed up and left.

So where does all this leave me? I'm not sure. The kids and I are packing up and heading to the mountains in TN in a week or two (once maddie's arm is healed). Mike can't come because he's trying to recap lost fishing money now that snapper season is open on the weekends.

I had a small meltdown last night when I told him I thought I needed a break and wanted to take a trip by myself somewhere in November. I'm debating between going to MT or Seattle where my good friend lives. I'm leaning towards Seattle because she's a kindred spirit and she gets what my issues are! She understands completely and it would be great to spend some time with her (and meet her newest little one).

The mountains call to my soul and I've been burying their song in the depths of my heart for too long. It's like a siren call - I need to go.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

scattered thoughts.

I haven't written in months because I'm not quite sure how to get all the thoughts from my mind to come out in a clear and coherent manner.

Over the years I've really tried hard to be an optimist - to see the good in things and people. I've given second, third and even fourth chances only to be let down continually. All in the name of being optimistic.

Well these days I'm forced to be a realist - and unfortunately that means that I have to consider the negatives and weigh them carefully.

We're just one family affected by the oil crisis in the Gulf - but it's going to change our lives and I can't quite wrap my head around it all just yet.

We're forced to consider our options and they aren't very pretty if we're talking about where we are at the moment.

Now where's my bottle of xanex?