So hard to start again...

I feel like it's been weeks since I've written anything of substance in either of my blogs. I've been caught up in the self pity and frustration that came with my laptop's accident - it's incredibly difficult to type on a keyboard where the space bar sticks and every other key you hit doesn't work the first time. I've had to compose a certain rhythm to my typing - trying to remember which key I need to hit twice before the letter appears on the screen. For someone whose fingers fly at the speed of my thoughts - having a keyboard that isn't up to par is enfuriating.

And because I've not been writing I have guilt - guilt over not capturing the little moments that I want to remember - guilt that I'm not staying true to what brings me peace - guilt that I haven't even taken more than 2 pictures of my kids in the last 3 weeks!

All the guilt aside - we have been having fun just enjoying life. We're working on the backyard and have successfully constructed one of the 4x8 foot gardening containers - 2 more to go! I never thought I would find so much excitement in the prospect of dirt and seeds! Last night I stayed up until almost midnight pouring over the website at Rare Seedsdreaming of what my garden is going to produce this summer. So far I've decided on three different types of eggplant and 2 types of cucumbers and some zucchini and a summer squash called lemon squash.

I'll be trying my hand at exotic fruits like "Yellow Wonder Wild Strawberry" and "Giant Cape Gooseberry." I'm thrilled to plant the 5-color Silverbeet Swiss Chard that Barbara Kingsolver writes about in her book Animal, Vegetable, Miracle and am even going to try planting some "Marina de Chioggia" pumpkins which hail from Italy and are a prized winter squash for soups and roasting.

I've yet to pick out my tomatoes - the choices are just too many and I feel overwhelmed!

My gardening journal is started - with my seed choices and the year. I hope to add lots of notes to help expand my choices in 2010.

Maddie and Wyatt are growing up so quickly. It's been crazy to see and hear Wyatt's vocabulary and speaking explode over the last few weeks. Last night he called me back into his bedroom and talked for almost 5 minutes about the basketball that is stuck up in the rafters at church in the Community LIfe Center. He was so funny - very concerned about it and adamant that it needs to be fixed.

My little princess is almost 4 years old and I find myself constantly wondering where the time has gone. It's so hard for me to accept that she'll be starting VPK (voluntary pre-kindergarten) next August and then ready for kindergarten in just about 18 months from now. I'm still trying to decide if she'll go to public school or if I'll try my hand at homeschooling. I am very interested in homeschooling but doubt my ability to stick to a routine or schedule. Lisa Ausley - our senior pastor's wife - keeps telling me that I will be a fabulous homeschool mom and that she has all this faith in me. I love that she's so encouraging... I just have to convince my husband that it will work out.

The busy season is about to start again and once again I find myself not ready for the time I'll be left to myself. Mike has a busy schedule already - which is a huge blessing in the light of our economy's current state. He's going to be gone half of March and there are several other week-long trips on his books.

I'm looking forward to taking my doula certification workshop and am excited to already have a client or two lined up. My goal is to finish my certification requirements before the end of this calendar year.

Whew - it feels better just writing all of that!

Sometimes the hardest part about writing is starting again. We writers tend to sit and obsess about all that we wanted to write - pictures we should have posted or taken, things we wanted to say, memories we wanted to remember - and suddenly weeks have passed and we've nothing to show for it other than a happy family.

The first words are hard - but it's best to start from where you are in this moment than to try and pick up where you left off.