Banana Crush 1, Macbook 0

There was a sad and terrible accident last night.

Wyatt was throwing a tantrum and I set my drink next to my Macbook - and at the same time my cat Azzie walked across the counter where the laptop lives and jumped up on the fridge spilling the drink directly across the keyboard.

It works and then it doesn't. The keys are sticking terribly and the battery isn't charging at all.

I am morose. Half of my life lies documented within the internal workings of this computer. I've been meaning to back up but the power cord for the external drive is MIA...

Please say a prayer for my beloved Macbook. I'll be sending it away I'm sure...

A new year - new possibilities

It seems strange to me that it's already new year's eve. In reflection I don't know what to say about 2008.

There were some great things that happened and also some not so great things.

We are no closer to reconciliation in family matters than we were last year - perhaps even further away. Mike and I struggle with this on a daily basis - we want peace, but it hasn't come to us. Our marriage is stronger these days because of our unity on this issue - but the situational stresses are still hard on us.

Maddie is a precocious almost-4-year-old. She is polite and sweet but at the same time often spoiled and I'm very much ready for the dramatic whining and crying phase to go away forever. She's doing well in preschool and looking forward to next year. We're trying to decide if she'll go full-time or part-time next school year and I'm trying to come to grips with if I really want to homeschool as I'm hopelessly disorganized and have no routine bone in my body! I believe in homeschooling and I'm very wary of our public schools here. I want my children to learn for the sake of learning and not because they need to pass a test. I want to see the light of excitement for education that I had and still have. 

Wyatt - my little man - turns 2 on friday. I'm having a hard time coming to grips with this. He's my baby and still very much a baby in so many ways. I'm thankful that all my friends were right - boys love their mommas. Yesterday he came up to me and said, "Mommy, I love you." It was the first time he's said that - he's been saying I love you, too - for a while now. But this was unprompted and genuine. I love how he wraps his arms around my neck and lays his head on my shoulder and whispers - I hold you or I got you, or love you too. It warms my heart always. He's such a funny little guy - with an amazing sense of humor. I know every parents feels the same way - but he's got a special talent for funny I think. Even his little friend Nicklaus goes around telling people that Wyatt is a funny little guy! (Nicklaus is 3). 

This year will bring some change for me - I'm taking my Doula certification in February and already have a client or two lined up. I also have no choice but to finally face my fears when it comes to dental work (and the financial expense) and will have to make decisions about what I'm going to do to save my teeth (long story). I'm hoping that we will be able to travel some more this next year. I loved visiting Portland and want to take my family to Montana in the next 2 years. I miss the mountains and want my family to experience the splendor of God's beauty and grace. 

The question of whether we'll have another child is also weighing on my heart. I'm going to gather my medical records and send them to a local midwife to have her review them. I trust her opinion more than my own doctor at this point and her thoughts will have a big part in whether we add to our family. I have a lot of fears about another pregnancy - I've had such a hard time with both of mine. But I know that I can do things to help with some of the issues and prayer will help with the rest. Mike and I love being parents - we love our children and while we should be happy with the two we have - and we most definitely are - the subject of baby #3 keeps coming up. 

I'm not sure what the year will hold for Mike. They will continue to try and hold on to the clients they have and hopefully things with the economy will change and they'll be able to expand a bit. I know there are days ahead when I'll be on my own - which is the worst part of being a captain's wife. It's not that I don't like my time alone - I do. It's the no break with young kids that wears me down. 

This year I'm expanding our garden and hoping to use raised beds instead of planting in the ground. I think I'll do much better that way. I'd like to get to the point of growing at least half of what we consume and then trying to buy locally as much as possible. I'm also planning to get a few chickens for eggs this spring. 

I'm excited for what 2009 brings. My kids are getting older and less dependent on me for every little thing and that's exciting (and why I would want to have another baby and start over is still perplexing to me!).

I hope your new year brings you peace and love and happiness. 

"Extended" Breastfeeding

Copyright 2007 by Anne Hinze, all rights reserved

It seems odd to me that people are so opinionated about a woman's decision to breastfeed her child longer than the obligatory 12 months. If you want to lecture me on something, lecture me on the fact that my almost -three-year-old is still addicted to her pacifier. That could have worse consequences for her than continuing to breastfeed through her preschool years.

The Facts:
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that all babies be breastfed exclusively for 6 months and that breastfeeding should be continued for a minimum of 12 months and as long after as is mutually desired by mom and baby.

The World Health Organization goes even further - saying that after 6 months of exclusive breastfeeding you should continue to breastfeed for two years or beyond.

Both of these statements are much more complicated than how I've paraphrased them, but they are both official policy for these organizations.

Worldwide the average child nurses anywhere from 2-8 years - which is why anywhere other than the United States we see greater spacing between babies because breastfeeding offers a period of lactational infertility for most women.

There are so many other facts that are important to keep in mind when you're discussing extended breastfeeding.

Human milk does not magically transform into White Water as Dr. Jack Newman so wonderfully puts it. The antibodies and nutrients so important for the first year do not simply disappear - in fact some properties of human milk increase in value the longer a child nurses.

Humans are the only species that drinks another mammals milk. Human milk for human babies, etc. Your child has no need to consume dairy products at all - in fact they are the culprits of all sorts of problems for little ones. There is a highly respected doctor (can't remember his name) who strongly believes that an overwhelming majority of "colic" cases he sees are actually cases where the baby is allergic or sensitive to dairy proteins present in the breastfeeding mom's diet or in the artificial baby milk the child is consuming.

So my son will not be introduced to cow's milk for a long time. I'm going to keep nursing him and that's the only milk he needs. He's already shown a tendency towards a diary allergy when he consumes yogurt and promptly throws it back up within an hour. I've limited the amount of dairy I consume so he is exposed to less through my breast milk.

Dr Jack Newman also says this: "Breastmilk is, after all, milk. Even after six months, it still contains protein, fat, and other nutritionally important and appropriate elements which babies and children need. Breastmilk still contains immunologic factors that help protect the baby. In fact, some immune factors in breastmilk that protect the baby against infection are present in greater amounts in the second year of life than in the first. This is, of course as it should be, since children older than a year are generally exposed to more sources of infection. Breastmilk still contains special growth factors that help the immune system to mature, and which help the brain, gut, and other organs to develop and mature."

"What about the emotional damage I'm doing to my toddler by continuing to breastfeed?"

This is one of the most frustrating questions I've come across. First of all, plenty of babies/toddlers self-wean and do so around a year or at two years - all by themselves. So if an infant/toddler is still nursing then it is because they choose to do so. You can't force a child to breast as you can with a bottle. The baby has to latch on and suck in order to get milk - all they have to do with a bottle is swallow as the milk drips into their mouth.

Dr. Newman again... "And breastfeeding makes the toddler dependent? Don’t believe it. The child who breastfeeds until he weans himself (usually from 2 to 4 years), is generally more independent, and, perhaps, more importantly, more secure in his independence. He has received comfort and security from the breast, until he is ready to make the step himself to stop. And when he makes that step himself, he knows he has achieved something, he knows he has moved ahead. It is a milestone in his life.

Often we push children to become "independent" too quickly. To sleep alone too soon, to wean from the breast too soon, to do without their parents too soon, to do everything too soon. Don’t push and the child will become independent soon enough. What’s the rush? Soon they will be leaving home. You want them to leave home at 14? If a need is met, it goes away. If a need is unmet (such as the need to breastfeed and be close to mom), it remains a need well into childhood and even the teenage years."


I've never let my babies cry it out, they've always been fed on demand - no limit on the number of times they could feed in a day. There have been days when I'm sure Wyatt has nursed 20+ times because he's needed to be close to me and I give him comfort as well as nourishment. Both slept in our bed until it either became a safety issue or they became bed hogs. Ok well, wyatt has always been a bed hog! He's in and out of our bed most nights as he's not sleeping through the night yet -(what a travesty, he didn't sleep through the night by 6 weeks...)

I refuse to be obsessed with these little things. He will sleep all night when he no longer needs milk in the middle of the night. He'll take a sippy cup when he's ready (maddie was already the master of hers at this age, but i think she was super early in that skill). I could force him out of the night feedings, but it's the one time in the day when I can just cuddle him without any distractions. I'm bleary eyed most mornings but I know this part of his life will pass by so quickly and I have no regrets for the time we spend together nursing. One day he won't want me for that and something else will take it's place for comfort.

There are more important things to worry about than how long I intend to breastfeed my child.

It's about as rude as asking another parent how long they intend to feed their child formula in a bottle. It's one thing to see a two year old nursing (although chances are you won't see it in the USA very often as it's something stigmatized and moms often choose to do it in private rather than being singled out in public. I'll nurse in public as long as I feel comfortable). It's a totally different thing to see a two-year-old walking around with a bottle hanging from its mouth.

Like I said there are far worse things we can let our children do than continue to breastfeed until they're ready to wean.

So do I have an upper limit on how long I'll let my child continue to breastfeed? I'm honestly not sure. My first goal is 2 years and to see how we're doing at that point.

So I'm almost at my halfway point as my other friends are contemplating how to wean. I have no desire to even contemplate weaning as Wyatt shows absolutely no interest.

I'm still in love with his little facial expressions as he latches on - the squishing of his nose and wide open mouth - the little noises he makes when he's impatient for me to feed him. The way he turns his head and opens his mouth in a dead sleep when I feed him in my bed.

So if anyone asks me how long I intend to "do that" I'm very open and honest that there's no end in sight for right now.

and really it's none of their business.

The difference between breastfeeding and nursing

Copyright 2007 Anne Hinze, all rights reserved.

I read something recently that there is a profound difference between breastfeeding and nursing.

Breastfeeding is something you do that nourishes the child while nursing is something that nurtures him.

I've pondered that a lot recently. Wyatt is 11 months old on Sunday and most women would be thinking of weaning at this point. They might be looking forward to it, or facing it with some apprehension.

We're not anywhere close to being done breastfeeding or nursing. I decided that he'd self wean when he's ready, hoping to meet and or exceed the World Health Organization's recommendation of a minimum of two years.

But that's not what is really on my mind as I'm just finished nursing him again tonight.

I'm thinking of all the bumps and bruises he's gotten lately - falling face first into the table or floor, pulling out drawers and smashing his little fingers. Those are all situations where he's definitely not hungry, but the breast brings him comfort - immediate comfort. It's not even something I think about anymore. He gets hurt and I nurse him. He's come to expect it - it's what he's looking for the minute I scoop him up to kiss his owie.

I've always enjoyed the sweetness of a newborn turning their head and rooting for a breast, but an older baby is even more of a beautiful thing. Sometimes it's subtle - a sweet patting on my chest. "Mom, do you think you could feed me?"

Other times it's a little more direct - as he tries to bury his head next to my breast. He's not trying to lift my shirt or anything (although I'm sure that's coming eventually) but he makes it clear as he nuzzles close to what he desires.

Yes, there are moments when it can be inconvenient, but honestly I don't mind. My friends and family are used to seeing me nurse my babies. They don't ask me to cover up or go in a different room. I've even gotten comfortable with my mom peeking her head closer to say, "Aww, that is just so beautiful!"

There are always curious toddlers wondering what Wyatt is doing. It's certainly not my place to explain why mommies have milk, but if they ask I'll say he's drinking mommy milk or that he's eating. I remember nursing wyatt on the hay ride and a preschooler asked me what I was doing. I explained that I was feeding my baby with mommy milk. His mother looked a little displeased with my answer, but I'm not going to lie and say he's sleeping!

I guess that's the difference with my children. To them, breastfeeding has always been and will always be the normal thing. We don't have many bottles in our house as Wyatt only gets one once a week and sometimes he won't even take it. Maddie routinely nurses her stuffed animals and if she does give them a bottle, she specifically says that it's mommy milk that she's pumped!

I love this about being a breastfeeding mommy. I love seeing pictures of my kids at the breast - and any baby at the breast actually. It's a truly beautiful thing symbolizing the perfect bond between mom and child. My little girl wants to see pictures of me breastfeeding her, and talks about pictures of her brother breastfeeding. It's not an exhibition of my breasts, but a visual memory of a sacred time between me and my child.

Dr. Seuss for Nursing Moms

I have no idea who wrote this - so I can't give correct attribution - but it's very cute!

Dr. Seuss for Nursing Moms
Would you nurse her in the park?
Would you nurse him in the dark?
Would you nurse him with a Boppy?
And when your boobs are feeling floppy?


I would nurse him in the park,
I would nurse her in the dark.
I’d nurse with or without a Boppy.
Floppy boobs will never stop me.


Can you nurse with your seat belt on?
Can you nurse from dusk till dawn?
Though she may pinch me, bite me, pull,
I will nurse her `till she’s full!


Can you nurse and make some soup?
Can you nurse and feed the group?
It makes her healthy strong and smart,
Mommy’s milk is the best start!


Would you nurse him at the game?
Would you nurse her in the rain?
In front of those who dare complain?
I would nurse him at the game.
I would nurse her in the rain.


As for those who protest lactation,
I have the perfect explanation.
Mommy’s milk is tailor made
It’s the perfect food, you need no aid.


Some may scoff and some may wriggle,
Avert their eyes or even giggle.
To those who can be cruel and rude,
Remind them breast’s the perfect food!


I would never scoff or giggle,
Roll my eyes or even wiggle!
I would not be so crass or crude,
I KNOW that this milk’s the perfect food!


We make the amount we need
The perfect temp for every feed.
There’s no compare to milk from breast-
The perfect food, above the rest.


Those sweet nursing smiles are oh so sweet,
Mommy’s milk is such a treat.
Human milk just can’t be beat.


I will nurse, in any case,
On the street or in your face.
I will not let my baby cry,
I’ll meet her needs, I’ll always try.
It’s not about what’s good for you,
It’s best for babies, through and through.


I will nurse her in my home,
I will nurse her when I roam.
Leave me be lads and ma’am.
I will nurse her, Mom I am.

No Water Boy

Wyatt cannot stand to have a drop of water on his shirt.

It is incredibly annoying and endearing at the same time - and a major inconvenience to my laundry schedule (or lack thereof!).

Anytime he spills a drip or splashes a drop - a tantrum ensues and the offending article of clothing must be removed. It's never convenient to have a shrieking toddler trying to rip off his shirt either and it hasn't clicked in my head to carry extra tops with me when we're out and about.

He does not appreciate it when I tell him he's just going to have to wear it until it dries out! Now I'm not mean - making him wear a soaked shirt - in fact tonight he turned on the bathroom sink and soaked the sleeves of the jammies I'd just put on him. I changed him into another shirt very quickly (he was dripping on my floor!)

However - it's when there is just one little tiny drop that I hesitate to give in to his odd compulsion.

On Breastfeeding and Obscenity

On Breastfeeding and Obscenity
by Anne Hinze
Copyright 2007, all rights reserved
* I wrote this more than a year ago, but felt the need to resurrect it once again! (12/29/08)

It's sad that we live in such a backwards society. It's ironic to me that the human race, which from the beginning of time was raised on mother's milk - could have gone so far astray to think that feeding their infants with a bottle of artificial milk is the status quo.

The dual nature of breasts - both for nourishment of a child and sexuality with a partner - in our society it seems they can only be one or the other - but mainly the latter.

Since when is feeding a baby obscene? I seem to be in the minority because I firmly say never.

I've had people tell me that my picture of my son at my breast was disturbing to them.

So if you don't like what you see - don't look.



Then this morning I was scanning the latest posts on LACTNET (an online community for lactation professionals) and I saw a post about the video that the Maternal League of Justice had posted on YouTube - and that it had been banned.

I'm disgusted. I've personally witnessed far more disgusting videos on YouTube compared to photos of a baby at the breast. I watched the video - the one with sound - and it was beautiful and the song perfectly chosen. I'm appalled that the people in charge at YouTube would dare start such a controversy as banning a video of something that is perfectly acceptable.

I ask that to be fair they also ban any video of a parent, etc feeding their child a bottle - I could say that I find that offensive because I am a breastfeeding mother and feel that formula poses a number of particular health risks to the infant who consumes it.

So once again, I will resurrect my earlier post "On Breastfeeding and Obscenity," because it seems to be timely in the wake of the YouTube debacle. It was written a few months ago when another ignorant person (and yes I'm calling anyone who thinks a picture of a child at the breast is disgusting or obscene - IGNORANT) asked me to remove a picture of my son at the breast because she found nipples to be offensive. I took the picture down for a day or two - just to quiet things on the board (which I run...) but was convicted of the fact that I needed to put it back up. She appreciated it when I took the picture down, but took it quite personally when i put it back up...

here goes:

To anyone who feels offended by me or pictures of my children breastfeeding:


I've been in quite a mood about this whole situation, honestly. I didn't just take it down because you were offended, but more because I am very disheartened and tired of the whole mess.

What you permit, you promote.

You asked me to remove a picture that I consider to be very beautiful - signifying something that is sacred to me - my son's nutrition and health. It's not just about that, though. It's about the bond we have as mother and son - a bond I'm sure that you share with your own children. Imagine how you would feel if you had a picture that signified something like that with your child and I asked you to remove it because I was offended that there was a bottle of formula in the picture?

Breastfeeding is something that is natural, yes - but it is something normal. Breasts were created by God as a source of nourishment for children. I agree that they are also sexual - as is something also designed by God. If you have any doubt about their double "use" I encourage you to read the Song of Soloman in the Bible and see the many references to breasts as something beautiful and a source of life.

It is only in the united states that we have such screwed up ideas when it comes to the purpose of breasts and sexuality and infant nourishment. If you went anywhere else in the world you would not find the need for laws to protect a mother's right to feed her child in public. Imagine someone asking you to go give your child a bottle in the bathroom. Or to leave the store because they considered it obscene to be putting a bottle in a baby's mouth.


So while I'm glad you are appreciative of my white flag so to speak - You have put me in a difficult situation because you have asked me to censor something that is very important and crucial to my life. You have asked me to put aside my personal convictions and pride in my life and my children's life and hide it.

like i said what you permit, you promote

so if i take down something that is beautiful to me and many others - just because someone says that they are offended - and i permitted their comment to affect me then i'm promoting the idea that breastfeeding is something offensive - which it most certainly is not.

and i hate that i've been put in that situation and that i've given in and done something that goes against everything I believe and l love.

I am very sad right now as I feel something dear to me has been stolen and I'm not talking about just a picture.

In your own way you are doing what you can to promote the idea that breastfeeding is obscene and helping further complicate matters when it comes to the rights of a mother to breast feed her child whether in public or private.

Shame on you.