writer's lament

It's late and I'm tired, but seeing that technology has yet to develop a usb port that plugs into a mom's head and downloads all those thoughts and moments worth recording (and ones not worth it) - I'm forcing myself to sit and write for a few minutes before I spontaneously combust from lack of writing recently.

If you aren't a writer you probably don't get it.

When I'm not writing - I'm depressed, anxious, grouchy and not a lot of fun to be around mostly. I fake it pretty well - but I always get to the point where I have to write or I'm going to explode. Mostly I write (or want to write) about the little things that happen in my day-to-day life. Sometimes I write to complain, or decompress or as a means of therapy. Those blogs typically don't show up here, though - they're too incriminating! I keep those private for the most part - a few (and I mean like two) people have access to those thoughts, but I hardly ever write there these days so they've moved on to other more consistent blogging friends who don't leave them hanging for weeks, months at a time.

Seeing that I haven't written in weeks really - I'm a mess.

Tonight I blew up at my husband for sending Wyatt to me to wipe off a booger. Why was this such a big deal you might ask? Surely a mother knows that part of her job description reads "must wipe boogers."

Well I'll tell you why - I was in the bathroom! I was having a few minutes to myself for the first time in the day and the last thing I wanted to do was lean across the room to open the door and wipe a disgusting booger off my son's finger!

I would say that most dads just don't know what it's like to never use the bathroom without an audience. Whether it's communal peeing (Wyatt still prefers the little potty) or conversations that just CAN'T wait until I get out - I honestly lose track of all the excuses. I tend not to lock the door because the screaming and banging is worse than the reason they needed to interrupt me in the first place.

So there I was sitting for a few moments, leafing through my brand new copy of Mother Earth News and I was offended as I listened to my husband tell my son to not only show me his booger (which he did and I told him it was gross and closed the door) - but to go back to mommy and ask her to wipe it off his finger! GRRRRR

I promise you if I'd have pulled the same prank on him if HE was on the toilet he would have been pissed! But was it ok for me to be offended and get upset? No!

In my fit of rage, upset I yelled at him and demanded if it was too much to ask to have 5 minutes uninterrupted to sit on the toilet BY MYSELF and not have to wipe boogers, answer questions, console hurt feelings, etc. I just wanted a few minutes to myself for crying out loud.

His response was not nice as he yelled at me to just leave since all I had been complaining about all day was that I needed some time away.

So this is how I get back to my writer's angst.

I had waited patiently all week for Sunday to come. Mike worked all day (and I mean ALL day yesterday). He left somewhere between 8 a.m. and 9 a.m. and returned home at MIDNIGHT. He worked late several nights last week and I was hanging by a thin thread by this morning - I just needed some time by myself - a cup of coffee and free WIFI and a table and chair to sit in - so I could write and decompress. I needed these moments so I could return home refreshed and be a better mommy and wife.

So today dawned and Mike talked about wanting to go to Destin to see clients and the earlier the better. It still took us a good 2 hours to get out of the house and by the time we got to Destin with the kids and dog it was close to 1 p.m. and I wistfully considered that I would have been on my own if our day had gone the way I'd planned.

We had a nice lunch at Harry T's. We saw dolphins in the pass, the dog sat nicely, slept, drove us nuts because he couldn't sit still. My food was wonderful, tasty, hot, cold and not very good. I will never again order the tenderloin benedict - it was terrible! After the almost hour it took to get our food we ate and walked back to the truck in the rain...

The clients weren't at the boat although we were able to visit with a good friend of theirs.

We went to home depot where despite my husband's help, lack of help I managed to pick out lumber, get it cut, pick out plants and compost, etc - with both of my kids running around and wyatt throwing a terrible tantrum as I was checking out and the cashier putting the compost trash can on top of my broccoli plants and breaking half of them. Where was Mike? He was in the truck with the dog - because he didn't want to leave him alone in the truck.

Following the tantrum, I pushed my cart at Mike- who I had called while checking out - to bring the truck up to the door... I carried my screaming 3 year old on my hip as I went back and got non-broken broccoli plants and took them back to the truck - then walked all the way across the store to the bathroom where I helped both of them use the bathroom and then got a soda in the self checkout line and then we went home.

I took my frustrations out on my garden - wrestling the wooden pieces into a grid for my new square-foot garden bed - I pounded the nails into the timbers and ended up with 28, 1 ft squares. I planted some of the plants I purchased and interrupted my gardening to go put a diaper on wyatt because Mike was ignoring him when he was on the phone and I had asked Wyatt to ask him daddy to help since I was elbow deep in dirt and fish emulsion.

But mommy saved the day and quickly washed her hands and got the diaper on before there was an accident (more on potty training struggles later) - changed the diaper and finished the grid  - all before the booger-toilet incident.

Actually I forgot - before the toilet incident Maddie caught a frisbee point blank in the face (nose I think) and had a meltdown and then Wyatt started crying when I talked to him about not throwing the frisbee at his sister's head. We all piled into my bed to turn on a movie and calm down and Mike promptly fell asleep - at 6 p.m.!

I guess in a way I'm jealous because I never get to just fall asleep like that - the kids would never allow it. They'd be crawling on me or crying or whining or banging on the door. And I'm a little resentful that my husband fell asleep during our family movie moment and got an hour nap (would have been longer if i hadn't turned on the lights and demanded he get up and help me!).

Ok- so I know this post is whiney and negative - but I've had a crappy day and I set out to do some writing and this is just what came out.

yes - i know that I have A LOT to be thankful for - and I'm most thankful that I have two wonderful kids who drive me crazy and a husband who puts up with my moods and emotional outbursts. We're healthy and happy most of the time and have family who loves us a whole lot and then some.

Sometimes you just need to vent!

Wyatt's thoughts on Mommy Milk

Just now as I was helping Wyatt back into his clothes after using the potty he decided to share with me a few thoughts about Mommy Milk - so I have to share.

He reached up and put his hand on my chest...

"I'm feeling the mommy milk," he said. "It's all filled up."

"I love Mommy Milk!"

"I love it for nighttime!"

Me:

"Wyatt, what do you like about Mommy Milk?"

Wyatt:

"the heart."

Every time he nurses he finishes by placing his ear against my breast and listening to my heart - most nights he falls asleep listening to my heartbeat.

Introducing Apollo

It's funny how things fall into place sometimes. 

We started talking seriously about getting another dog - a few months ago. Mike was dead set on a German Shorthair Pointer - a dog that I had absolutely no interest in as a family dog. From the research 

I'd done myself they came across as energetic and bred to kill/retrieve birds. That wasn't going to work with my pet hens!

I pleaded for something like a Welsh Pembroke Corgi - I love those little dogs. However, they're herders and are known to nip ankles and bums of little ones so eventually we dimissed that breed as a possibility.

Now before someone leaves me a scathing comment about rescuing or adopting from a rescue society let me say that I brought that up several times. We even looked at some rescue societies for the purebreeds, but didn't see what we were looking for.

Some of you may know that we previously owned a Doberman Pinscher. Her name was Mae and she passed away last year at 10 years old. She was a rescue - we adopted her when she was 5 years old. When we got down to the knock down drag out discussions of which breed we were going to get I finally told Mike that the only pure bred dog I would consider would be another Doberman.

So that started it - hours were spent pouring over breeder websites (there aren't many close to us) and the puppy sale websites (where breeders, etc list their dogs). We discussed color and sex, along with whether we wanted ears cropped or not and how much we wanted to spend on a dog.

Prices for Doberman puppies range from a few hundred dollars to thousands of dollars. We knew we weren't looking for a show quality dog or a breeding dog - we just wanted something that fit the breed standard and had parents with good dispositions and solid pedigrees. Championship bloodlines weren't a priority, but making sure that it was healthy and free from some of the diseases that can affect purebreeds  was something we wanted to take into consideration.

We're actually on a waiting list for a little of puppies due to be bred and born sometime this summer. We're waiting to hear back from another breeder in Alabama who is planning to breed her dogs this summer.

Like I said, it's funny how things happen sometimes...

Mike's mom, Paula, called him one day last week to say that someone in Crestview had a litter of AKC Doberman puppies listed in the online classifieds. He didn't call me immediately - but in a later conversation mentioned it casually and said maybe I could call.

So I called - and there was one pup left - a black and tan male. I called Mike back and we agreed that we wanted to at least go look at him - even though it most likely wasn't the dog we were looking for.

We arrived after dark (without the kids) and met the puppy - who was very friendly and seemed to like us enough. He allowed me to pick him up like a baby and curled up in my arms and just laid there. Our only concern was wanting to see the pedigree, which the man didn't know its location and wanting to meet the parent dogs. It was dark and the owner refused to accommodate us that night. We agreed that I would return the next day.

I talked my sister into going with me (thank you natalie!) and we drove up to go meet the parents and see the puppy again.

Well, you know the rest of the story....

We named him Apollo - which ironically means "destroyer."

So far he's not living up to his name, although the house training is a bit of a challenge at times. He's the most mellow puppy I think I've ever met! He plays some and sleeps a lot - eats food like he's never been fed in his life and drinks so much water it's a wonder he doesn't pee gallons (close to it though!).

His birthday is October 23, 2009 (he shares a birthday with my best friend Rebecca's husband, Brett!) and when I weighed him at Petsmart he was 22.5 pounds. He's going to be a big dog and I have to say part of me is glad he's a male even though I prefer female dogs. He is a bit protective and I like that - it will come in handy when Mike is out of town and I can rely on him to alert me to strange noise that go bump in the night.

The kids enjoy him and since he's on the mellow side they're having a better adjustment I think. The cats are another issue - he was around cats at his birth home, but he barks and playfully growls and paws at our feline friends and they are none too appreciative. I don't think Azzie has come off her bookshelf in 3 days! Pumpkin is warming up - he's the one who has never been around dogs much at all and was the most standoffish and mean to the puppy. He swiped him really well across the face this morning. Tarmak is ironically the most friendly towards him - odd for the scaredy cat. My hens are a little traumatized and he's working hard on learning not to chase them, but they run from him so that makes him want to chase even more!

Most importantly is that Mike is in love with him - and I find a lot of joy in my husband being so excited about something! At this moment he's in the recliner with the dog curled up in his lap. Apollo sleeps on the floor on Mike's side of the bed and is now spoiled by going everywhere with us in the car. He is working on his crate training as well because once the summer heat sets in he won't be going with us as much.

So meet Apollo - he's a sweet little guy and has melted into our family so well it's like he's always been here!

I'll post a picture of that same scene in a few months when the dog is close to 100 lbs!

It's the little things that count

The last few days have been, well to put it mildly, challenging.

Whether it was the cranky children, cold weather, puppy, husband or other people - I can't put my finger on just one to blame so I'll suffice to say that it's been a wicked combination that has at times left me at my wits end.

I've survived on a small string of sanity and am hoping to arrive triumphantly together as the month of February arrives with gusto and chill tomorrow morning.

So instead of writing about all the negatives I've experienced over the past few days, instead I want to concentrate on what I've accomplished.

We've all had those days - the ones where the kids are screaming and fighting, the phone and or email goes off all day long and things have to be addressed at that moment - so that by the time the day ends you ask yourself just what have you accomplished all day long? (and typically your husband comes home and either bluntly or in some way asks you what you have to show for your day and you collapse on the unswept, unmopped floor in tears because you just can't take it anymore!).

So here is what I've accomplished today at least. I'm hoping that by the time I finish my list I'll be able to look back and appreciate myself a little more.

Ok, i'm throwing in a few things from yesterday, too.

• I planted two trays of 72 tomato seedlings, along with 15 pots of winter squashes. I'm hoping to sell the tomatoes and maybe a few of the extra squash plants.
• I washed, dried and folded (not quite put away) at least 6 loads of laundry this morning when I would normally have been worshipping at church - but Maddie had a fever and the sniffles so we opted to stay home.
• I watched my husband clean the kitchen (LOL)
• I watched my husband clean up puppy messes in the house (i love it!)
• I showered by myself for at least 15 minutes
• I researched homeschooling stuff and think I finally have my "curriculum" nailed down. I'm going to use Hands on Homeschooling as my main organized curriculum, Hooked on Phonics, Hooked on French (why not?) and beginning piano. We'll also consider the Blended School one day a week and take part in the various PE and park day activities that GCCHEA organizes.
• I planned and attended a Blessingway for one of our homebirth clients at Gentle Birth Options. 
• I organized my organic produce order through my local co-op and also started investigating their other natural food co-op. 
• I started reading "For Women Only"  and read a chapter (THE chapter) in Mike's book "For Men Only" . If you've read the books then I'm sure you can guess which chapter I read in the men's book - if not, use your imagination!
• I taught Maddie how to play UNO and she picked it up really quickly! She beat me most of the time - I won 2 games out of 10!

I guess it doesn't really seem like much, but it helps me to focus on what I have accomplished rather than what I have not - and some days that's really important.

Breastfeeding is the first line of defense in a disaster

January 27, 2010
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

UPDATED STATEMENT:
Breastfeeding is the First Line of Defense in a Disaster

Washington, DC--The Human Milk Banking Association of North America (HMBANA), United States Breastfeeding Committee (USBC), International Lactation Consultant Association/United States Lactation Consultant Association (ILCA/USLCA), and La Leche League International (LLLI) strongly affirm the importance of breastfeeding in emergency situations, and call on relief workers and health care providers serving victims of disasters to protect, promote, and support mothers to breastfeed their babies. During an emergency, breastfeeding mothers provide their infants with safe food and water and disease protection that maximize their chances of survival.

This week, the International Milk Bank Project and Quick International Courier coordinated a shipment of milk from the HMBANA member banks to supplement a mother's own milk for the premature, medically fragile, and orphaned infants aboard the U.S. Navy ship Comfort stationed off the coast of Haiti. This milk will help this small group of infants. In this highly unusual circumstance the infrastructure associated with the Comfort's resources allows U.S. sourced donor milk to help fragile Haitian babies.

Donor milk, however, is not a solution for the large number of infants and young children affected by the earthquake in Haiti. Members of the public who wish to promote the survival of mothers and babies in Haiti can donate money to the following organizations: UNICEF, Save the Children Alliance, World Vision, and Action Against Hunger. These organizations are using best practice to aid both breastfed and non-breastfed infants. Members of the public can be confident that donations to these organizations will support breastfeeding and help save the lives of babies.

Interventions to protect infants include supporting mothers to initiate and continue exclusive breastfeeding, relactation for mothers who have ceased breastfeeding, and finding wet nurses for motherless or separated babies. Every effort should be made to minimize the number of infants and young children who do not have access to breastfeeding. Artificially fed infants require intensive support from aid organizations including infant formula, clean water, soap, a stove, fuel, education, and medical support. This is not an easy endeavor. Formula feeding is extremely risky in emergency conditions and artificially fed infants are vulnerable to the biggest killers of children in emergencies: diarrhea and pneumonia.

As stated by UNICEF and WHO, no donations of infant formula or powdered milk should be sent to the Haiti emergency. Such donations are difficult to manage logistically, actively detract from the aid effort, and put infant's lives at risk. Distribution of infant formula should only occur in a strictly controlled manner. Stress does not prevent women from making milk for their babies, and breastfeeding women should not be given any infant formula or powdered milk.

There are ongoing needs in the U.S. for human milk for premature and other extremely ill infants because of the protection it provides from diseases and infections. If a mother is unable to provide her own milk to her premature or sick infant, donor human milk is often requested from a human milk bank. American mothers can help their compatriots who find themselves in need of breast milk for their sick baby by donating to a milk bank that is a member of the Human Milk Banking Association of North America.

For more information about donating milk to a milk bank, contact HMBANA at www.hmbana.org. Additional information for relief workers and health care professionals can be provided from the United States Breastfeeding Committee at www.usbreastfeeding.org, ILCA/USLCA at www.ilca.org orwww.uslca.org, or La Leche League International at www.llli.org. A list of regional milk banks is available on the HMBANA Web site at www.hmbana.org/index/locations.

USBC is an organization of organizations. Opinions expressed by USBC are not necessarily the position of all member organizations and opinions expressed by USBC member organization representatives are not necessarily the position of USBC.

United States Breastfeeding Committee (USBC)
The United States Breastfeeding Committee (USBC) is an independent nonprofit coalition of 41 nationally influential professional, educational, and governmental organizations. Representing over half a million concerned professionals and the families they serve, USBC and its member organizations share a common mission to improve the Nation's health by working collaboratively to protect, promote, and support breastfeeding. For more information about USBC, visitwww.usbreastfeeding.org.

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United States Breastfeeding Committee
2025 M Street, NW, Suite 800
Washington, DC 20036
Phone: 202/367-1132
Fax: 202/367-2132
E-mail: office@usbreastfeeding.org
Web: www.usbreastfeeding.org

Snippets from Wyatt's mouth...

Wyatt has the vocabulary of a 5-year old and the communication skills to match - he also has a crazy, fun personality that constantly sets us to laughter. I just wanted to write down a few minute's worth of conversation to remember later on...

"Mommy, I want you to go and I will stay here," Wyatt said. He's been hanging out with my sister this morning so I could get some work done at the office for an upcoming homevisit.

"I got some lots of money for me!" - he's been going through my brother and sister's rooms finding all the discarded change. This kid is going to be rich one day on other people's careless casting aside of their coins!

What did you do with Nat-Nat today?

"Just stay home and be sick. I was just pretending, right? Everything, like anything - I did everything, right? I'm Lava-Girl."

"I took a bath but it was not fun."

oh yeah? Why wasn't it fun?

"Because it was not fun, just because it was not fun." he answered.

"Last night Maddie got her teeth lost," he told my sister's friend - a total stranger.

a little spilled milk

Just now as I was walking back into the kitchen after French-braiding Maddie's hair I noticed my cat Azzie sitting rather close to Wyatt's neglected cup of chocolate milk. As I watched she daintily dipped her paw into his cup and licked it clean. She must have been repeating this action for several minutes.

Either she'd had her fill or my presence kept her from continuing her mid-morning dessert and she walked across the table, leaving little kitty prints as she went.

This is my same cat who has on occasion taken part in tea parties with Maddie and myself.

Grandmomma, Azzie and Maddie having tea this weekend.