It's not something either of us want, but more something that my body has decided to do on its own. My milk supply is very low - Wyatt nurses and pulls off and looks at me with a frustrated expression and says - Milk! Milk! Milk!
I'm sure it has to do with hormone fluctuations - and really the downward spiral started when my cycles resumed at 16 months. Now when I hit that ovulation time my supply dives and then again as the cycle restarts.
He's frustrated and I'm frustrated almost to tears. I'm sad when someone asks if he's getting anything, because really the answer is probably not much.
It's not baby-led weaning because he's just not ready - and it's not mommy led weaning because I'm not ready either - but my body sure seems to think so.
I know we'll keep nursing for a while longer - even if it's just once a day - until it's gone.
Today in exasperation on both our parts - I gave him a bottle of cow's milk - warmed. He drank almost 8 ounces and I instantly felt terrible because I KNOW that I don't have that much milk left in one nursing anymore.
It's not supposed to be like this - I saw it just ending gradually - mutually.
Tonight he didn't nurse at all - I gave him the bottle again (he won't drink milk from a sippy...).
I know he'll wake up in the middle of the night like always, and I'll nurse him then - it's just thinking about it all that has me almost in tears.
We still haven't decided if he's the last baby for us. I've been feeling very strongly lately that maybe God wants us to have another, but the financial obligation to pay cash for care and delivery is something out of our means at this point. Wyatt's pregnancy and birth were very expensive and with all the complications we paid out a good $13K in cash - not credit.
Mike did say the other day that he wouldn't mind having another little boy...
It's really in God's hands at this point.
I'd like to write more, but we're planning our weekly trip to the local waterpark in the morning and I have diapers to wash, lunches to pack and all the other little things that need to be done before bed.
2 comments:
I'm sorry mama...I know what it's like for your body to decide you're done when you and babe are totally not ready. ((HUGS))
Hey Anne--miss you over at baby4me. I understand the supply drop thing. My cycles start back when my babies are young and i go through that dip EVERY month and it's frustrating! (especially when they're still small and rely on breastmilk only b/c they haven't started solids yet.) So i can relate to that! How's it going now????
Stop by and post sometime...in all your spare time. :) (yeah right!) :)
superbuds :)
Post a Comment